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The Mystical and the Magickal will find you

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

Today, the Teenager and I went to Eva’s Bargain Boutique (the metaphysical store at the Palmer Park Mall that I first mentioned here). I had written on my calendar (or the inside cover of my 2024 Clever Fox planner) that with any purchase at Eva’s today one could receive a free tarot reading.

The Teenager bought incense, an incense holder, candy, tea and who knows what else. And we left. And she said, “Mom, aren’t you getting anything?”

“I told myself I would buy whatever jumped out at me,” I said, “but only one pendant attracted me and I thought I might just be attracted to the color.”

“Show me,” she said.

I did. “What do you think?” I asked.

“You need it.”

“Does it have anything to it?” I asked.

“It’s stable,” she said.

“Is that good?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“It’s not like stable as in dead,” I said.

“Then I’d feel nothing.”

So, I bought it. Feeling slightly uneasy because I spent $20 I probably shouldn’t be spending. As we waited in line for our reading– which turned out to be a past-present-future three card oracle reading– I mentioned the spell candles.

“I really like the various candles with the crystals and the herbs,” I said, “but I feel like that’s cheating and the universe would want me to make my own.”

“For us that might be true,” The Teenager said, “but for the average person, their belief in the candle is enough.”

She helped me put my necklace on– the gold chain beside my silver choker with tiny amethysts. I don’t know how charged they are, but amethysts are supposed to bring calm. Silver and gold might not be the best fashion statement but I like the crystal themes.

Her turn arrived. The reader was Suburban Mom Medium and she had at least two decks with her. The one she used for us was The Woodlawn Wardens Oracle Deck. I fell in love with this deck. She told the Teenager that she was sorry that in the past The Teenager didn’t feel emotionally and/or physically safe, that the present has a lot going on but if she’s patient, good things are happening.

While The Teenager was getting her reading, an old work colleague from my ProJeCt days walked by. I haven’t seen her in years.

Then it was my turn.

My reading looked like this:

I laughed when I saw the rooster. It was my past. I have a bit of a kinship with roosters and chickens. She said I’d had a lot of issues with communication in my past and that is has caused me some trouble. Then, she said I have my head in a lot of different places all the time and I need to take more time for myself. And then there was the bat, which means I need to listen to my intuition.

With that as the closer, I had to show her my bat tattoo, which was my first tattoo.

The Teenager had gone back into the shop to report back to the owner that we were pleased with the reading. Then we continued traversing the mall. The arcade was packed so we didn’t get to play air hockey like we had hope. The Asian Gifts store gave The Teenager bad mojo so we went to the General Store for a coffee and chai. (“The chai was basically sweetened spicy milk,” she later said. “It was good but it was not chai.”)

I had the blueberry crumb latte with the sweetness cut back, and that was good, but not as hot as I would have liked. I enjoyed it though.

And the we went back to Eva’s to ask what my pendant was.

Angel Aura.

From CrystalGemstoneShop.com:

The truth behind aura quartz is that real aura quartz is made from quartz crystals. They aren’t glass, resin, or plastic. They are genuine quartz crystals. Therefore, they contain all the crystal healing properties of quartz. That is the bottom line and the most important aspect for those looking to work with aura quartz for their crystal healing endeavors. An added bonus of aura quartz is that it incorporates divine metals, which bring an added spectrum of crystal healing energies that make many pursue aura quartz’s properties for their own practice.

 Aura Quartz Name/TypeDivine Metal it’s Bonded With
Angel Aura Quartz Creation MeaningAngel Aura QuartzPlatinum & Silver
Crystal Gemstone Shop

I came home and researched it. Angel Quartz is a quartz with an opalescent shine. Aura quartz is a secondary quality quartz fused with gold or titanium to create unique colors. Crystal purists find any variety of Aura Quartz an undesirable freak, whereas the more new agey pagans find it a blend of two worlds.

I came home and followed my instincts to create an end of year ritual to calm me, connect me to my intentionals for the new year and serve as purification.

It used eucalyptus and lavender, involved blue candles, water and a resurrection plant. I posted it to TikTok (and YouTube).

Parisian Phoenix Girls’ Night Out at Boser Geist

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

Last week I got a message from fine artist and art book maker Maryann Riker of Justarip Press. She and I have known each other at least 20 years through my newspaper days in Phillpsburg, N.J. I heard about her art books and asked if I could do a piece of them for the paper and before long, I was in her home watching her unfold handmade books over her dryer and kitchen table.

Maryann was also a friend and creative partner of Nancy Scott. I originally met Nancy through the Greater Lehigh Valley Writers Group. Maryann and Nancy are the art-and-words combo similar to what Gayle and I have.

Maryann invited me, The Teenager and photographer Joan Zachary to meet for a celebratory end-of-year-drink at Bosergeist Brewing at the Easton Silk Mill. (Where we also included Nancy by pranking her. The Teenager can send announcements through Nan’s Alexa. So we sat in BoserGeist, Maryann stealing my beer, making Nan’s Alexa tell her things.)

Maryann thanked me for including her in the Parisian Phoenix crew. Joan and Maryann got to discuss artistic achievements through the year. Everyone celebrated the Teenager’s successful first semester at Lafayette College (A in photography, which made the artists happy, and B+ in her other classes).

We ate appetizers. We tasted craft beers. We laughed. Thank you, all three of you, for such a delightful mix of energies.

Maryann and I drank the last of the vicious peppermint beer that they make every holiday season. Then, I ordered a flight where we enjoyed the chocolate stout, the cranberry cheesecake beer (that had a burst of sweetness reminiscent of a smartie candy), the prickly pear and the “walking in the winter wonderland” which when cold did not appropriately show its flavors, but as it warmed tasted more and more like gingerbread.

Large Object, or more adventures with Nan

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

This morning, I had to emerge from my holiday fever dream for some reality– luckily, it was a meeting with my good friend, mentor and partner-in-crime Nan.

If you’re not a regular, Nan and I have been working together for a decade. I’m an author assistant of sorts for her. She’s congenitally blind and a super-talented writer and editor. That’s why she’s one of the team at Parisian Phoenix Publishing.

Nan had written an essay, a humorous essay, “Large Object,” about my daffy life and my ineptness with my own calendar.

I slightly overslept, perhaps because of my killer strength workout last night– I benched 100 pounds with Andrew at Apex Training to meet my “Christmas Challenge.”

It wasn’t a good lift– but it was two sloppy reps that I technically lifted off my chest.

What was even more exciting was the full-body engagement I experienced during the lift. I haven’t been taking my muscle relaxer, Baclofen, and my legs have been stiff (and I wonder if some other symptoms I have had recently relate back to skipping meds) so I cramped pretty badly during the lifts. I came home and took the Baclofen and have continued it today, especially since yesterday I had a small trip.

So by the time I hauled my butt from bed on this damp, rainy, uncharacteristically 50-degree December day, I decided to take a Wawa coupon and get a free egg white, cheddar, honey turkey and spinach Shorti (with hot honey for the condiment) and man was that both basic and satisfying. (My blood pressure has been high, and up until yesterday I had been completely forgoing caffeine but that’s another story.)

I then swung by Panera for my free iced coffee as a member of the Sips Club. I love Panera’s coffee. This all meant going to Nan’s house backwards– which was a tad confusing especially in the rain. Do you ever do that? Get confused because you’re going the opposite way as usual on familiar roads?

The essay Nan wanted to cover was, like I mentioned above, “Large Object.” I giggled so hard while typing this because she captured the whole scenario so vividly. She also allowed me to do some footage for TikTok to introduce her on our Parisian Phoenix TikTok account.

From her essay:

Angel had a doctor’s appointment, a writers’ group audit and a job interview already on her calendar. As she checked her upcoming days, she suddenly started to laugh.

“Oh my,” she said, “on Monday, my calendar says, ‘LARGE OBJECT.’ I have no idea what I meant.” 
I quipped, “What? The meteor will hit your roof? The dinosaur will arrive in your backyard Monday morning? Santa’s sleigh practicing badly?”

Nancy Scott

The essay mentioned our love of planners, and I told Nan I finally got around to reviewing all of them that I had ordered for 2024. Then, I showed her the “winner.” And once again she ooo-ed and ahh-ed and lamented that if she only had the sight to see these calendars. And one day, I promised we would look for Braille versions.

Upon returning home, I prepared the TikTok video and received some packages as part of the Amazon Vine program. Once was a surprise for the Teen. And it made her very happy. A corset. Frankly, I was relieved it fit.

The Rejected Planner Series

Angel Ackerman 1 Comment

The Teenager proposed celebrating Yule this year, and including Christmas as part of that. As we are beyond broke, and participating in Amazon’s Vine Review program we both had no money for or need of stuff.

The season has been full of ups and downs, some lovely moments with the Teen and some interesting kerfuffles because we’re spending a lot of time in the house. It’s been two years since my father died and I can’t help but feel rejected by my family.

But I’m surrounded by good friends and my community at Parisian Phoenix, and I have made strong connections in 2023, even with the loss of my job at Stitch Fix leading to some relationships dissolving there as well.

But over the last few days, inspired by my dear blind friend Nancy Scott, I did a six or seven part series on TikTok exploring the planners and journals I have accumulated with the best intentions for 2024. And today I finished that series and combined them all on YouTube.

If any of you watch all 40-minutes of this, you’re insane.

Please, as always, consider buying books or simply reviewing books by your favorite “small” author. Keep us going– emotionally or financially.

The chiropractor, the dentist & the OVR counselor

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

Greetings, my dear readers.

Today I had a lovely day with the chiropractor, then the dentist (then an iced coffee at Panera) and email exchanges with my OVR counselor.

So this will be a discussion of health, disability and my job search. I’m at the midpoint of my unemployment benefits and I’m freaking out a little.

Let’s back up…

I have only been visiting my beloved chiropractor (who used to be a physical therapist) Nicole Jenson of Back in Line Chiropractic and Wellness Center every three weeks or so, in part because without the physical labor of my warehouse job and without any complications in my gait I have not needed her. (And that’s kind of great because I also have terrible health insurance right now and no job.)

But today I went to see her, and she was very relieved to hear that my condition has been good and I have not had a fall since Sept. 30. And this was my second visit in a row with no symptoms to report. She was also very impressed with my progress with my fitness and strength coach Andrew at Apex Training. He has been pushing me hard with the weights and the core exercises all because of some pre-New Year’s resolutions we made at the gym.

  • Get weight under 150 (oh, how I was so close and failed so hard. I got down to 156 and stress ate my way to a new high)
  • Bench press 100 pounds (and I’m at 95 with more than a week to go)
  • Squat 150 pounds (Andrew sneaked this one in, and I have no idea if I’m near it)
  • Plank for 2 minutes (personal best currently at 1:10)

A dear friend pointed out that some of my exercise-induced asthma symptoms might actually be connected to caffeine intake, and Nicole definitely concurred that I needed to watch that also because of my balance issues.

And I’m still doing really well with balance and walking thanks to Andrew’s “lead with the knees” guidance.

After leaving Nicole’s, I headed to my six-month check up at the dentist. My dentist recently sold her practice– and she’s been my dentist for almost 35 years– but luckily the new dentist seems personable, smart and efficient. The staff complimented me on taking care of my beautiful teeth, to which I laughed and said, “really, let’s thank genetics because my dental habits are not what they once were.”

Then, at 1 p.m., I grabbed a KIND breakfast bar out of my bag for breakfast and headed through the Panera drive-through for an iced coffee. They offered a $3 per month subscription to their unlimited sip club for three months, and I love Panera’s iced coffee. So I treated myself. I had a meeting at Panera with the Echo City Team on Friday and I subscribed Friday a.m. I have since gone two more times.

By the time I got home, I had an email waiting from my OVR counselor. I decided that since I have some disability-related concerns about finding the right job for my next move, I would apply for assistance from the Office of Vocational Rehab. That way, the state knows I am doing everything I can to find a job. I spoke with my counselor on the phone yesterday, and had her chuckling. She said I am not her typical client, and in a way, it sounded like she was intrigued by seeing what she could do for me.

I compiled all the initial paperwork, and gave her another round today based on her subsequent requests. She’s had some interesting ideas on what her office might be able to do.

Then tonight at the gym, I was doing dumbbell rows with a 40-pound dumbbell and doing incline presses with a 35-pound dumbbell in each hand.

Road Trip! (Off to Brooklyn)

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

Last week, I had the opportunity to head out to Brooklyn and I had a great time– it was a fact-finding mission for someone I guess I can call a new client (since I’ve written 7,000 words on the project so far). I probably haven’t set foot in New York City for a decade, which is hard to believe but true. Most of my metropolitan travel these days takes me to Washington, D.C., and not to the Big Apple.

The trip in took 90 minutes, the trip out took three hours. Luckily, the company was good. I took about 25 pages of notes that day and got to talk with people who reminded me of some of the bright spots of my childhood. Italian food will do that.

I wanted to take a minute to share my from-the-car (and edited) photography.

It’s budget grocery shopping day!

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

I’ll be posting videos about my shopping if that is more your jam (food pun intended) so once I get this typed, I’ll start working on editing that footage.

For those of you who don’t normally read these posts or are new here: I’m a former journalist and the founder of Parisian Phoenix Publishing. I lost my full-time job in September, when Stitch Fix closed their Bethlehem (Pa.) warehouse. I’m hoping this might give me the chance to transition into at least part-time focus on my publishing company and its editorial services.

If you ever wanted to work with me, now is the time to pitch your project ideas. I’ve gone on a lot of interviews, and I high percentage of those led to second interviews. But none have led to a job. And I’m wondering if maybe it’s because I’m not looking for jobs in the word-related fields. I’ve been on social media marketing job interviews and business-related job interviews but none that speak directly to my deepest talents.

So, the publishing company is keeping me afloat– because unemployment compensation payments literally pay for the mortgage and the car insurance for the teen and I. My thermostat is set on 60. And we’re delaying a lot of things. But thanks to places like the Grocery Outlet and Dollar Tree we still have access to food.

I write these posts in part because I used to have a food blog where I chronicled cooking and shopping on a budget. (angelfoodcooking.blogspot.com) But I have had people tell me that I need to share some of these “tricks” because not everyone knows how to grocery shop on a budget. My daughter literally hands me her debit card and a list.

But if I had to tell you my #1 trick for saving money on food and household goods, it would be to know what you pay for things. It sounds lame, but the reality is if you don’t pay attention to what things “normally” cost you, you won’t know if something is a good deal. #2 would be to know the sale cycles. Target, CVS, and the major grocery stores all have sale cycles. Don’t feel pressured to buy something now because it’s “on sale.” That sale will be back, sometimes in as little as a month. Retailers want you to see the sale price and have an impulsive reaction to buy that product because it’s “such a good deal.” But the deal will return, just be patient and keep your eyes open.

#3. This is the one I used today. I set my expectations and my budget before I set foot in the store. I counted my money. I decided I had $20 for each store. In Grocery Outlet, I only considered items around $2.50 (or less). I really wanted the $8 gigantic bag of shredded cheese that would last a month, but that’s almost 1/3 of my budget. So I got the $2 8-ounce bag of shredded cheddar instead. The Teenager wanted chicken, but that also would have been about $8 and more chicken than I really need to survive. And right now we’re in survival mode.

Now, onto the purchases:

First, Grocery Outlet. I checked the app for any coupons. None available. I read the daily email sent out from them every day, because I’m a junkie. We’re going to build our meals based on what I find, and fill out gaps from products at the Dollar Tree in the same plaza.

  • Hunts Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes, big can. So big I may have to open it, use it, and freeze what’s left. Two cans at 2/$1.00.
  • Polar canned crab meat. It was between this and a jar of asparagus. I have some egg roll wrappers in the freezer. OR I have rice noodles in the pantry. $2.99.
  • Kale, fresh, big bag, organic. $1.99
  • Veggieful plant-based frozen pepperoni pizza pockets, two servings, $1.49
  • Green Giant frozen sweet peas in light butter sauce. I suspect I may use this as a sauce for a pasta or rice dish. $0.99
  • Half & half, quart, $2.49
  • 2% milk, half gallon, $2.12
  • 8 ounces shredded sharp cheddar, $1.99
  • 2 packs of 93% lean grass-fed, organic ground beef, $2.99 each

Now, over to the Dollar Tree:

  • 2.75 liters of generic diet cola (which even though this soda is on the shelf and not cold it rang up as taxable vs. non-taxable. In Pennsylvania, food is technically NOT taxable unless it is considered take-out, so cold, cooler beverages are usually taxed.)
  • 4 pack of cans of generic cotton candy soda for the teen (again, rang up as taxable, sigh). I wanted to get sparkling water but I can’t buy all the beverages for only me.
  • Almost 15 ounce can of Del Monte creamed corn. Every time we want to make corn bake, we never have creamed corn so I try to keep it in the pantry. It’s also a great way to thicken or even extend soups.
  • About 4 ounces canned chicken
  • About 5 ounces canned chicken and gravy
  • Tuna in water
  • English muffins
  • 10 flour tortillas
  • Olive oil and oregano crackers
  • 5 ounces of guacamole flavored tortilla chips
  • 12 ounces dry lentils
  • 5 ounces sunflower kernels
  • almost 3 ounces wasabi peas
  • 3 ounces Sunmaid raisins
  • 12 ounces frozen stir fry vegetables (peppers, snow peas and broccoli)
  • hot dogs

I forgot my darn gnocchi from Dollar Tree. Those are so good.

All things fitness, mobility and service dog

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

The last week or so I feel like my strength in the gym (Apex Training) has been dead on– the lifts have come easily and even as my feet/lower body doesn’t cooperate, I seem to get the job done without compromising my other body parts. Andrew, my fitness trainer and strength coach, has been a wonderful support and motivator as life has gotten dramatic and hectic for both of us.

Today I lifted a new PR on bench press– I am up to 80 pounds! As for flexibility and core strength, from my angle it fluctuates every day but Andrew points out a lot of his observations which suggest I am improving more than I might realize. I have noticed that I stumble less, even as my toes drag and my balance falters, knock on wood I have not fallen since Sept. 30.

I have gained back all of the weight I lost, between gin sours and peanut m&m’s and all sorts of chips from the Dollar Tree. And too much pizza! Even with The Teenager home after having her wisdom teeth plus a back molar removed, I’m still eating too much junk– milkshakes, cheese curds, the Wawa chicken fingers and french fries, Macs received for free with minimum purchase of a Diet Coke for me and a Sprite for the Teen all in the name of surgery recovery.

Meanwhile, I can see my muscles gain definition so I know if I’d stop putting junk in my body ALL THE TIME, I could really lean out and have great tone. But the immediate satisfaction of treats and savory, salty foods steals my discipline and knowledge every time.

As if that alone weren’t enough to kick my ass back where it needs to be, I’m starting to believe that the occasional out-of-breath episodes I’m having are symptoms of exercise-induced asthma. My allergies have been bad. The weight doesn’t help. And I noticed more and more that it comes on all of a sudden, even when I’m walking on a flat surface setting my own pace and not with anyone else, and I cannot get air into my lungs until I repeatedly take breaths through my nose and get a breath deep into my chest.

Today, it happened at the gym. I have never had anything like this happen at the gym. I was doing sets of 25 crunches on the exercise ball and really had trouble catching my breath at the end of the set. And I love those crunches! I normally knock them out like a beast!

Light Mobility Service Dog Update

Yesterday I was scheduled to meet with my caseworker at Susquehanna Service Dogs on Zoom. She asked if we could please reschedule for today and as I kept the end of the week open not knowing how the Teen would do with surgery, it worked out fine.

Today the Teen, myself and the caseworker met to discuss what my dog might be trained to do as a task for me, any concerns I might have, and some more updates about my lifestyle. The number one goal I have for this endeavor is to be able to go on walks by myself without fear. I miss my days of going for a 4-mile walk in the morning. I want that piece of mind. The other tasks that I asked for are help retrieving things from the ground when I can’t bend, carrying items I might have in my hand if I find myself struggling for balance, and getting a first aid kit if I need one.

The Monday errands on a budget

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

So, The Teenager’s (now College Student’s) car won’t start and today I needed my car for a 10 a.m. chiropractor appointment. I’ve noticed over the last couple days some of my random hip/leg issues have stopped causing discomfort so that is awesome. The chiropractor is less than a block from The Teenager’s college campus, so I headed out a little early and did the last touches on this week’s Parisian Phoenix Substack newsletter. Are you interested in my little publishing company’s newsletter? If so, click here. Today I talked a bit about technology and privacy.

The Teenager’s first class was at nine, and my appointment was at ten, so that left me the dilemma of how to organize my day into pieces that fit our combined schedule. I completed the computer work I wanted to finish before 9:30 and I even got to watch the street sweeper comb the neighborhood. I read some of Stephanie Parents gothic D/s (of the impact play, not the sexual kind) mystery in the reception area. I found my favorite passage of the book so far:

“The trouble with this sort of exorcism was that when it ended, when Jack stopped spanking her, nothing had changed. She hadn’t split open, and nothing had spilled out from inside of her…”

The Briars, Chapter Nine (Claire)

I left the chiropractor at about 10:15 a.m., and I needed to use the restroom. I also thought I could swing out to the Forks Township Dollar Tree because I need some items, and I’m trying to stock my kitchen on an extreme budget. I have $74 left in my wallet in cash, and anything in my checkbook is for the bills these days.

It’s free coffee with any purchase Monday at Dunkin, but I wasn’t in the mood for iced coffee and that particular Dunkin requires a key for the bathroom. I usually get three munchkins for $1.29 and feed them to the dog. But today, I opted for a Diet Coke from McDonalds. I could just go in the backdoor and use the restroom and leave, but I try not to be that person.

I opened my app and ordered a large Diet Coke for $1.49 plus tax and redeemed some of my reward points from those previous Diet Cokes for a hashbrown. Then I used my “Apple Cash” to pay the $1.58. I didn’t realize that I’ve never stepped inside that McDonald’s– it’s all reclaimed wood with a stone look and oversized cushioned stools at the table.

I headed over to the next plaza to visit The Dollar Tree and discovered they don’t have refrigerated cases. Perhaps because it’s so close to a Giant Food Store and/or because it’s a more upscale neighborhood. I spent $13.08 from my cash and got some staples, some candy and the cornerstone of one meal.

  • Guacamole Flavored Tortilla Chips
  • Potato Gnocchi
  • Hunts Garlic and Herb Sauce
  • 10 flour tortilla
  • Sandwich slice pickles
  • Self rising white corn meal blend on clearance for 50 cents
  • Yoohoo for The Teenager to surprise her
  • Canned Peas
  • Canned Diced Potatoes
  • Black Licorice
  • Wallably Hot Cinnamon Licorice

(Which reminds me that I made the turkey hot dogs I bought at Dollar Tree last week. Eight hot dogs for $1.25. I fried them in the skillet until they were crisp and seasoned them with garlic pepper, crushed red pepper and smoked paprika. Even the Teenager had to say, “How did you manage to make these taste so good?”)

From there, back to campus to retrieve the Teen. We also stopped at CVS for our medicine ($1). The Teenager made wanting eyes at the Jelly Belly Candy Canes that I thought were $3.99. I picked them up because I had a $3 off coupon I knew would expire before we set foot in CVS again. It turned out they were $5.19! For candy canes! But after my coupons, they were $1.96.

Then we came home and I opened the package from Amazon, of my own books from my own publishing house because Amazon has them on sale so cheap right now I can get them cheaper from there versus shipped from the distributor.

I cleaned up the kitchen, tried to declutter, and then ate the rest of the hot dogs for lunch. After some correspondence with friends, I came out to the sunporch to finish my Diet Coke and let the dog enjoy the porchy porch.

Haunted

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

The holiday season is never easy for me. I don’t get it. I don’t like it. Thanksgiving is a holiday that celebrates killing the indigenous population and stealing their land (which land rights causes fights still going on throughout the world today, so we’re not the only ones.) As if gluttony and genocide don’t have enough of a greedy flair, we slide right from Thanksgiving into Black Friday, which in my generation has gotten extreme and then scaled back again.

Christmas is a joke here in the United States. I don’t think the average person really stops to reflect upon what their own Christian values mean, if they are Christian. Santa bringing children the latest commercial toys is just another way to fuel our consumer-mindset and make those who have less feel like less. If you want to celebrate the birth of Christ, in a festival stolen from the pagans, maybe we could focus on Christ instead of the fat man in the red suit.

And then we make hopeful resolutions and head into the new year– which happens to be a cold, dark time.

On Monday, I was on my way to the gym. And I noticed a squirrel rustling in the bushes from the corner of my eye. And something looked wrong. I got closer, which terrified the squirrel, but I stood still so he stood still. And we looked at each other.

At first I thought he was covered in paint, but then I saw puffiness to the whole mess. It looked like he had gotten into some sort of wet spray foam. I wanted to help him, but I had no idea what to do. And even now, my soul hurts for this squirrel as I wonder: Did he end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and his squirrel curiosity did him in? Or did some person do this to him? Did some person get mad, toss him in a bucket, and spray it with foam?

I don’t know.

I don’t know what happened to that squirrel, but I’ve done a lot of thinking during the last two-plus months since I lost my job and found myself in one of the strangest job markets I ever landed in… I might even be a little scared. I’m nervous about aging. I’m nervous about the college student’s bills (now her car won’t start). I’m nervous about the cost to heat my house and what happens if I don’t find a job or more clients soon.

And yet I keep thinking about that squirrel.

A friend of mine broke his leg on Sunday and ended up in surgery and spending his Thanksgiving in the hospital. Yet, he still sounds strong and brave and contemplative. And maybe that’s the only way we get through this days– staying strong, and brave, and contemplative.

I’ve done a lot of eating my feelings lately, and gained back the almost ten pounds I’d lost. But I keep gaining strength at the gym, so that’s a plus. This week, The Teenager who will be twenty in a few months will have a second attempt at dental surgery, and I hope this time it’s a success.

I signed up to do NaNoWriMo this year, and the goal is to write 50,000 words in a month. I’ve written almost 31,000 with five days left in the month. But I’ve gotten to chapter 17 of my fifth novel, Absolution, so regardless of the word count I call that success. And I might just make that deadline. But if not, it’s okay.

As most of you know, I foster cats. As my health and financial issues mount, and my “political” disagreements with the group fester, I have pulled away from taking new cats. I just can’t do it. I have one foster left– one I was tricked into taking– and that little guy is easygoing but so nervous he acts like I’m going to kill him.

There were 29 cats we helped in the last three years. Compared to some in the group, that’s a low number, but as a single mom in a small home in town, that was a lot. Especially when the rescue’s own financial issues couldn’t allow them consistency in certain aspects of foster. But they do their damn best to do best by the cats.

So we are happy to announce that the rescue has offered to let The Teenager adopt Touch of Grey, the most challenging rescue we had, and the Teenager accepted. This makes me happy because Touch has truly become a member of the family and has started acting like a happy house cat.

I may not have been able to help the squirrel, but I helped those 29 cats. And not a day goes by that I don’t wonder how some of them are doing… like Georgie, my Khloe princess, three-legged Louise, lunatic kitten Eminem, cuddly Slim Shady, shy Minerva, I could list all of them… The adoption is the easy part. The hard part is when the adoption updates fall away, and you don’t get any more texts about how they are doing.