A day with the firecracker (some fun at the warehouse, and a trip to the doctor)

Work

I came into work today feeling my oats for some reason. I don’t even know why, but I quickly got sassy and playful. I started my day with strong numbers– but immediately I noticed one of my peers running support kept coming into my valley to give her friend work, when she wasn’t really in charge of our valley.

And the work she was bringing her friend was the easy work, the work I’m supposed to have access too and this support person didn’t share any with me. Just took it all to her friend– who has no reason to need the work that requires less bending.

I look around and I see other who have been given the same accommodation I have, but mine have not been adjusted for the day. And I don’t think the person I saw with three carts adapted has official medical paperwork. Yet, I had to trade work with a neighbor because my work did not meet my documented needs.

So I mentioned to my supervisor, maybe we could sit down with P&C (People and Culture, Stitch Fix’s HR department) to offer some final insight that the company does not seem to have appropriate, consistent policies in place to meet workers’ needs when it comes to reasonable, official ADA protected accommodations.

Not even thirty minutes later, the person who brought preferential work to her friend (who is the same person who messed up my fix last month if you were here for that saga) brought another cart of that work to my neighbor, I can’t recall if she has a name in this blog, so I’ll just call her my neighbor and fan (as she is reading my Fashion and Fiends novel series. Please buy books. I am losing my job after all.) My neighbor gave her the nastiest glare, and she walked off the floor and went to someone to complain. Then, she gave me the work.

The person who brought it to her apologized, and my neighbor explained to her very politely that I have documented medical issues. She said she didn’t know, but that’s malarkey because she told me to my face that she would only give me the work when she was certain she had enough for everyone else.

So she knows better, because she was admonished before. Even my neighbor mentioned that is really is ridiculous that every day I have to advocate for myself. And they had a really good system in place in the beginning, but too many people complained that they didn’t think it was fair.

But on the happy side, we had a popcorn chicken luncheon and left work at noon so that gave me a chance to rest before my physical and keep editing Road Trip, the fourth full novel of Fashion and Fiends.

Medical

When I arrived at my primary care physician’s office, half the office had lost power. Mercury is indeed in retrograde. I have lost four pounds recently. My blood pressure is good. I had no new complaints and I thanked the team for being so diligent and willing to listen to me throughout the craziness of 2023.

And to think– salt may have been the culprit all along.

My primary care physician read my neurologist’s notes and called her “smart” and “good” and liked her assessments and her approach to my care. So I mentioned to him that I have two questions I ask every new doctor.

  1. What do you see when you examine me?
  2. If I add you to my team, when should I call you?

This allows me to digest their observations and learn from them and know exactly which doctor to call and under what circumstances.

Then my doctor and I discussed medications, and I confirmed that I’ve felt great since weaning off my SSRI and that my new cardiologist and I agree that once I get through this job loss and transition into whatever else is next we will probably discontinue the beta blocker.

It’s always a good idea, he said, to minimize one’s medications.

I mentioned that I just didn’t think it would be a good idea to have an SSRI, a muscle relaxer and a beta blocker in my system. That’s why when he called and told me to stop the SSRI, I had already been lowering my dose.

I added to the conversation that I knew I had a responsibility to do what I could to solve the problem, because the medical establishment would eventually start throwing more pills at me if I didn’t improve. And that that is not a criticism of doctors, but an admission that I felt something was off so if I did everything I could do to give the doctors more clues, it would hopefully lead to answers.

He paused for a minute, and agreed with me, and basically thanked me for taking responsibility for myself and my health.

The Gym

Today, Andrew tried to cripple me with a leg workout. I can feel him challenging my range of motion and I love it. I did manage to deadlift about 120 lbs.

The highs and lows of 24 hours

I write. It’s what I do. I got a random text last night from a colleague of a friend who I think would mesh with me on a personal level. We’re scheduled to have lunch on Monday. She texted last night– she’s a fellow journalist– hoping I could review her application for a special project. Let’s just call it a grant.

I needed that last night. I received a text from her this morning. She’s never requested my professional skills before, and I didn’t really think about that before I agreed to help her. I just heard, “I need someone to look at my thoughts.” And the former managing editor/grant writer in me just kicked in. She was on a tight deadline, and I was close to bedtime. But I did what I could.

Her text this morning said, “Holy shit. You’re good.”

But let me back up… and let me tell you why I’m struggling to digest the 24-hours of my life that started with 3:30 p.m. on Valentine’s Day and ended after work yesterday.


Happy Valentine’s Day, The Teen!

So, The Teenager considers the hamburger chain Fuddruckers one of her favorite restaurants in the world. Which is funny when you consider her favorite, favorite restaurant in the world is Kachapuri in Moscow. And mine, too.

We had a Fuddruckers a few blocks from her grandparents house for a couple years when she was in preschool. Her connection to this place goes back that far.

They closed it when she was about four. The two closest Fuddruckers now are in Hershey (1.5 hours away) and in New Jersey (1 hour away). We drove by the exit for the Hershey Fuddruckers during our service dog appointment Monday. But I wasn’t hungry, and at this point I can confirm that poor diet spikes my blood pressure.

Somehow, we negotiated a trip to Fuddruckers in New Jersey for Valentine’s Day. But a wrinkle came to the plan when her car’s service appointment took longer than anticipated, and more money than anticipated. But we decided to go anyway. Because at this point, the poor kid is miserable. She got nailed with owing federal income tax, her car insurance has doubled and her car is an enormous money pit that might be a ticking time bomb. Really, the transmission might be next. But we’re working on manifesting luck and joy. Hamburgers, it is!

I locked up the house and I discover an envelope in the incoming mail. The design of the envelope itself ruins the surprise of what’s inside. These kids today, they have all the tension stripped from their lives.

Now, our trip to Fuddruckers was officially a celebration.

And this Fuddruckers, according to the Teenager, is way better than the Hershey Fuddruckers. We’re apparently connoisseurs now.

Note to self: my bacon bacon jamburger was amazing.

Conversations in the car got a little heavy as conversations in the car normally do, and I went to bed missing my family. But that’s another feeling for another day.

Wednesday, February 15

I performed well at work on Tuesday. Perhaps too well, at 132 fixes. My official observation was nearly 107%. I felt the warning creaks in my body Tuesday night that maybe all the car rides and the full day at work might have stressed my lower extremities.

This story takes a turn, and could have ended in tragedy, but it didn’t. But it’s a lot of emotion and a friend nearly lost their life. So if that doesn’t appeal to you, stop reading.

There’s a crew of us at work. We all used to work second shift together. Then we moved to the 10-hour Sunday cohort, Then we moved to day shift. When they rearranged to break schedule to make larger lunches, we gravitated together. And I’d like to believe we have a bond.

One of us went to the hospital Superbowl Sunday with chest pains. This person has a history of past heart attack. And the hospital, from what we understand, tested for hernia, gall bladder and gave an EKG but never did cardiac enzymes. They sent our friend home. This person has been in intense chest pain on and off since Sunday. This person forces themselves to come to work on Wednesday, because we all need to work. We’re not living lives of leisure and passive income.

We’re sitting at our normal morning gathering spot in the breakroom, and we had seen the car of the person in question, but this person had not arrived in the breakroom. We figured this person needed to talk to supervisors. Makes sense.

I receive a text. “Are you at work? If so come to my car.”

I do.

My friend was sitting in the car, tears streaming, clutching at the chest, stating there was pain in the arm. My friend was about to throw up from the pain. Apparently, my friend planned to drive to another hospital after a supervisor offered to call an ambulance. We went into the building, where my friend went into the bathroom. Another colleague had to escort her out of the restroom.

This is when another friend declared that an ambulance had to come and told our supervisors to call. And our security head monitored vital signs.

Our most confident and bossy colleague went to the hospital and we’re told she kept the staff on their toes.

Our friend had a heart attack in front of us.

Our friend received the care needed, but THREE DAYS after first going to the ER.

THREE DAYS.

I’m angry at the system. And I feel guilty for not pushing harder for better care sooner.

But right now, we’re all solemn and grateful that we didn’t lose a friend.

ADVOCATE for yourself and your loved ones.

Busy, busy: Taking care of yourself takes time (but we always make time for adventures)

It’s been what, a week?, since I wrote in this forum. I know, I know.

I have been trying to write. I have plans to brainstorm ideas for BookTok, projects to edit, and I decided to make short, very real, unedited videos for BookTube.

But, as I left myself 30 minutes to write this blog entry and “wasted” 15 minutes of that panicking over a medical form (all part of “things that have happened since last week”) I may have to leave you with a list:

  • The Intermittent Leave I submitted to my PCP was illegible once printed out, so I typed a new one over the weekend and sent it to the doctor’s office. I had not heard from them, so I double-checked the email this morning and thought the form I sent them was blank. I panicked, discovered my eyes had misled me, but had already messaged the office so now I probably have high blood pressure and look like an ass.
  • My favorite foster, Khloe the Sassy Princess and Cuddler, went to Chaar in Forks Township in search of a home. I went to visit her before the gym Wednesday and she made me biscuits.
  • My workouts have been brutal… I mean amazing, really I do. I’ve been doing what feels like some great weights and focusing so hard on form.
  • We had a heating oil delivery yesterday and I hadn’t anticipated that for another three weeks. $700. Ouch.
  • I had brussel sprouts three times this week. I do love my brussel sprouts.
  • I saw Nan Tuesday night and we practically made a comedy routine out of reading her junk mail.
  • My creative brain is swimming with ideas. Is that because I have no time?
  • I am soooooo close to fully performing at work. They messed up my accommodations Tuesday. My percentages are 98%, 103%, 103%. Accommodations make a difference.

But here’s my big take away:

Feel free to let me know your opinion.

Regardless of whether you have a disability or not, and that can even be a personal determination, getting older sucks… anyway… Taking care of yourself takes a lot of time. Monitoring your habits (food, sleep, exercise), health and treatments take so much time. Finding and visiting doctors. Physical therapy, training sessions or independent-led exercise. It’s ridiculous. Filling out that intermittent leave paperwork really drove home how much time I spend taking care of myself.

Maybe it is easier to neglect oneself. Maybe it would be so much less stressful to eat what I want, accept my “limitations” and live a more sedentary life. Maybe it is easier to stop fighting and be miserable. Maybe it takes an exhausting amount of energy to take care of oneself.

I’m a doer, a fighter. It’s who I am. So I will never stop trying. But now I think I see why some folks don’t.

Anatomy of a Sick Day, part 2 (or why people with special needs are exhausted by advocating for themselves)

In the last few months, I made a promise to myself to be kinder to my body and give it more rest when my cerebral palsy-related issues flare. That was part of my logic in filing for intermittent leave, so I could feel less guilty about calling out. Because while I don’t call off often, and while I have a legit disability, I am after all American and consumed with a drive to push myself past pain and perform at all costs.

So the fact that I laid in bed for an hour this morning contemplating the benefits and the detrimental effects of not going to work, and still called out is a big deal to me. Being a good employee is a big deal to me.

But as soon as I posted my last blog entry, Anatomy of a Sick Day, I checked my personal email only to receive an email from my very nice claims administrator for the absence management company hired by Stitch Fix to handle leaves.

My sick day was being approved only as a courtesy as I had already used up my leave time for the year. I had a medical appointment in early November which launched this whole journey (Is it Time for Botox… in my Hips?) and followed up on a visit with the podiatrist where I was diagnosed with two Morton’s Neuroma (The Stabby Toe and The Challenging Gait).

I have chronicled my frustrations with this whole process in blog posts like WTF? Another Cerebral Palsy Aware Day and Toe-Day at Work.

I have had two falls since early November, and significant work changes throughout the fall. My right side has taken a lot of abuse in all of these falls and changes, and my toe still burns more than it should.

But somehow, despite have a neurological condition that has changed my bone and tendon structure, made it difficult for me to walk, and left me with muscles in my lower body that never relax, the absence management company approved my leave for up to three hours twice a year.

SIX HOURS A YEAR.

How is that helpful?!?!?!?

I reviewed the initial letters and paperwork and found that my very, very helpful and talented neurologist wrote that I should have leave for 1-2 episodes per year of an undermined length. She physically wrote in her own handwriting “undetermined” and explained that my cerebral palsy made me an increased fall risk.

And they decided that the only leave I needed was for regular twice-a-year visits to my neurologist. Why would I pay $30 per form to have special leave for two appointments per year?!?!?

To settle my nerves– because even after I wrote back to them that she requested leave for episodes not appointments they would not budge and said my only recourse was to have more paperwork completed, at my expense– I called my blind friend, Nan. Nan has a lifelong history of advocating for oneself and at this point even she is frustrated and exhausted by the constant mental gymnastics it takes to get the most basic attention.

She moved to a retirement community in September, since as a blind person she will lose her independence if she relocates at a period of time when she no longer can re-learn a setting. She told me how she asked an administrator to read her the activities calendar. The administrator read her one week. And told her to call for help getting more info.

At this point, it’s been almost six months. Nan’s rent is significant, and it would have taken 5-10 more minutes for the administrator to go ahead and finish the month. Yes, Nan can call someone to update her on the day’s activities, but as someone who never neglected to point out the accommodations she would need, shouldn’t some of this help be automatic by now?

Anyway, I’m going to download the medical forms and start filling them out myself, and see if my PCP will just sign them.

Ridiculous.