Tag apex training

Stairs make me cry

Angel Ackerman 1 Comment

The hardest part about any health or fitness journey is forming better habits. The exercise isn’t hard. Taking your medicine or vitamins isn’t hard. Heck, if you have a balance of choices in your house, healthy eating isn’t hard.

Fighting with your bad habits is hard. Discipline is hard. Showing up is hard.

Once you walk in the door, going to the gym isn’t hard. Once you have a plan and get the ingredients out of the refrigerator, meal prep isn’t hard.

But change, change is damn hard.

I had two workouts this week with Alex at the Thrive Medical Fitness program at St. Luke’s Hospital. My first was Wednesday, and my second was Friday. I felt good after my first, but man oh man did my body hurt after the second one.

My next workout isn’t until Tuesday afternoon, so I found myself thinking that in order to maintain momentum I should do something today (Sunday). Because at this stage in the game any action that helps reinforce a consistent change in behavior is necessary.

So I contacted Greg at Apex Training and asked if he was hosting his Sunday morning boot camp at 8:30 a.m. The boot camp is drop-in and costs $10. I have never attended one of Greg’s boot camp programs, because I typically spent Saturday morning at the gym with Andrew. And a body needs a chance to recover.

Of course, Greg basically told me to get my ass over there, and so I did. What I love about my time at Apex is that all of the guys and all of the regulars are genuinely enthusiastic and helpful, and we’re all a tad sadomasochistic, which is of course part of what makes us successful. Plus the gym is a slow ten-minute walk from my house. The walk there and back is my warm-up and cool-down.

You see, even if I got to the gym this morning, did one set of exercises and left, it would have been a win. Because the goal was to get up, go out in the cold, and walk over. Once you achieve that mental hurtle, the rest is easy. At this point, I want to encourage myself to do something every other day and to increase my steps, not because of my steps per se, but for heart/cardio health.

And I know some people will use exercise as a reason to “reward” themselves with “cheat” or “treat” foods– but I’m the opposite. If I’m working out, I’m more prone to not sabotage my progress.

And, because I’m stubborn, I survived Greg’s workout.

But the way my body feels, I’m already struggling to get up the stairs.

But that’s how it works.

A Clean Start?

Angel Ackerman 3 Comments

My hope for the new year was to finish the book A People’s Guide to Publishing and use it as a guide for making goals for the publishing company for 2025 and to maybe, perhaps, finally finish my business plan.

With the ailment I inherited from the college student, I didn’t do nearly as much I had hoped over the holiday season, except for reading light fare like Blubber and binging old movies (Practical Magic, The Dream Team, A League of Their Own).

This year has been challenging– even with my attempts to get my act together– I am still where I was six months ago when I joined the Omada program.

But with my colonoscopy which happened December 30, and getting cleared for the Thrive Medical Fitness program at St. Luke’s Hospital Dec. 27, with my first workout scheduled for Jan. 1, I literally had a clean start.

A new year. A clean colon.

And then the dog ate a lot of the leftover Christmas cookies.

So now I won’t be tempted to eat them.

Back to the gym

Wednesday’s exercises

I did my first workout with Alex at the St. Luke’s Sports and Performance Center at the Anderson Campus on Wednesday morning at 8 a.m. That was the “push” workout. The exercises reminded me a lot of the workouts Andrew and I did together at Apex Training. When I told Andrew about it later, he remarked, “the basics always work.”

I survived the workout well, and the next day my chest muscles in the area of my shoulders and armpits reminded me that I had exercised the day before. Alex has me using the treadmill for 15 minutes, with the goal of getting my heart rate to 120-130. It’s embarrassing how challenging the treadmill can be for me, all that walking fast and making sure my feet do the right things. I so envy the people who don’t have to hold on for dear life.

Friday’s exercises

Today we did the “pull” workout. I even brought an earphone so I could listen to a podcast on my treadmill walk. The fifteen-minute walk allows me to cover a half-mile. I know that’s rather pitiful, but we all start somewhere. Alex is learning that I can handle a lot more weight than he suspects when it comes to upper body exercises, and like Andrew, he loves to make that sadistic little statement of “looks like that was too easy.”

Alex wanted to see me four times a week, but he’s only at the Anderson Campus one day next week. So, I asked, where he would be. And he said Phillipsburg. And if you know me, you know I know Phillipsburg.

He looked surprised if I could come to Phillipsburg and I asked if that were okay or if it were too stalkerish… I’m literally in the middle of the two facilities.

I’ll be seeing him in Phillipsbug on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and then on Friday afternoon in Bethlehem Township. We scheduled all that when I saw him Wednesday, and today he said he was very excited to see me in Phillipsburg next week because that’s the gym he spends the most time in and it’s less cluttered.

When I left the hospital today, everything hurt. But I was proud.

Functional Fitness

My dear friend Thurston has been writing about what he calls “crisis conditioning” and functional aging as part of his Phulasso Living newsletter. (Read more about that in his own words here.) After a traumatic and severe leg break in Autumn 2023, he experienced his own fitness challenges. As an active guy, and a strong “in-shape” kind of guy, I think it surprised him how much energy and muscle power it took to have a mobility issue like his broken leg. He had to rely on mobility aids to get around his house (after weeks in bed) and I remember him commenting to me about how his strength did not guarantee that he had the upper body strength to support his own body weight.

The world suddenly looks very different when you face a flight of stairs with a pair of crutches or worse– a walker.

Thurston’s career has focused on safety and emergency preparedness. I think his accident may have changed his view on how much he can trust his own body, or perhaps how much he can take his body for granted, because in some ways, aging is a crisis event. Aging makes it harder to recover from injuries and from workouts. Aging makes it harder to maintain and even harder to build muscle.

But I have often viewed my own body as an unreliable partner. And something Thurston said in his newsletter hit the nail on the head.

After achieving a great deal of progress up until the spring and summer, I noticed something that really frustrated me. If I missed 3 or more days of exercise, I experienced stiffness and pain, and the number of repetitions and sets in my exercise routine would decrease! It was almost as if I hadn’t been doing much exercise at all.

–Thurston D. Gill, Jr.

I have been strength training on and off since college– which is 30 years now. I spent almost 10 years working at Target in a physically demanding job. As I approached 40, after a broken hand, I recommitted to my own fitness. And at 46-ish, I joined a private gym and hired a strength coach. I was a consistent client at Apex Training for three years, even when I had to scrape pennies together to pay for it, until my trainer had a family emergency that put a pause in our relationship and suddenly, I no longer had the money.

What Thurston describes is what I experience. That is what cerebral palsy does to me. My muscles in my legs and lower body never relax. They never get the message from the brain to relax. To facilitate better motion, I stretch and strength train and go to balance and gait physical therapy to show them rather than tell them what to do.

And the more I do it, the more that becomes their default.

And if I don’t do it, they forget.

I guess Thurston and I are both telling you not to take your body for granted, but to also realize that you need a plan to maintain your health and your strength because you never know what might happen. When I broke my hand, it was my dominant hand. That happened when I was in my late 30s.

Would it be more difficult now, a decade later, to do all those everyday tasks with my left hand?

What if I suddenly did have to use crutches?

If I fell, do I have enough upper body strength to pull myself across the floor? Into a chair?

Can I balance on one foot? For how long? Can I do it on each leg?

How do I carry items upstairs if I need one hand to hold the railing?

Can I navigate without relying on my eyesight?

Can I still walk a mile? Two? (If the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere…)

Do I have the strength to change a tire?

Welcome February or “Wow, it’s been a month!”

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

I didn’t realize– or perhaps deep down inside I did– that I did not write in this blog at all in the month of January. I have written in the Parisian Phoenix blog, on my Substack, for the Lehigh Valley Armchair Substack, for Kiss and Tell magazine, for press releases and social media…

But not here.

I have spent much time applying for jobs, going on job interviews, and following up with second interviews, and working with my authors at our small publishing company, attending networking events, meeting with other writers and professionals, and grocery shopping at discount retailers like Grocery Outlet and the Dollar Tree.

(Grocery budget has been $25/week, but this week I splurged and bought a baker’s dozen bagels for $9.50 at Panera because they have a sale on Tuesday, and I used my CVS coupons and their sales to buy 2 boxes of KIND breakfast bars, a box of Grape Nuts and a box of Cocoa Krispies for $13.)

My personal favorite cheap meal this month has been these gnocchi from the Dollar Tree, served with a cream sauce I made with butter, lemon, and some artichoke hearts (using the oil they were marinated in). The artichoke hearts and the Barber Foods Chicken Stuffed with Broccoli and Cheese came from Grocery Outlet. The whole meal cost me about $3 per serving. And I used up some half and half that was on its last leg.

If it weren’t for car insurance for the teen and heat (I’ve been keeping the house at a balmy 60 degrees since I had to pay for $600 in furnace repairs in December), I have enough clients to keep me afloat indefinitely even after unemployment runs out in about six weeks. But the uncertainty of it all is hard. My biggest faux pas since my lay off was dropping the oil cap into the engine compartment of my car while topping off my fluids before a winter storm.

Luckily, good old Southern Candy and her son came to my aid and he fished it out for me– took him 45 minutes and the promise of the $50 cash I had in my wallet. I could hear my Dad laughing the entire time. I swear he’s been playing practical jokes on me from the afterlife with all of these little mechanical problems.

Like he’s checking to make sure I can take care of myself.

Sometimes, Daddy, I don’t know.

We had two snowstorms in January. During one of which, the first actually, one of the Teenager’s college friends spent the night. (Photo: Here they are at about 10 p.m. having a snowball fight with one of our neighbors, a high school friend of the Teen.) The College Friend hails from Los Angeles, so this was her first snow. And we bundled her up in home-knit hats and gloves and sent her out to shovel and play in my snow boots. Because Lord knows I am not going out in that if I don’t have to.

I drove over to the Bizzy Hizzy, the now nearly empty Stitch Fix warehouse, to show my daughter the old Freestyle and Pick carts that had been set out for the trash. The carts are laminated, corrugated cardboard so I imagined they deflated pretty badly in all the rain. I explained to her how we used to pick, and showed her the pencil cans we used to hold our water bottles and the heavy-duty page protectors that held the pack slips after installation of the Big Ass Fans blew them out of the carts. Three years, evaporated and erased.

I’m still working out with Andrew at Apex Training and meeting my strength goals even if I am failing at my weight goals. The Teen says I need to be more body-positive, but I know I am regularly showing more than 500 garbage calories into my body for the emotional sensation of it. And I also know that as someone with heart and mobility issues, being overweight is not helping.

In good news though, because I share so much about my journal both as someone with cerebral palsy and someone who finds strength training cool and empowering, several other members of my gym are now setting strength goals and strength training into their routines.

While visiting Nan the other day I got to meet a really cute dog. She’s a French sheep dog. Nan and her owner both told me her breed and now I don’t remember. I asked Siri and she suggested a Wheaten Terrier or a Goldendoodle and both of those are wrong. So, I googled French sheep dog breeds and it suggested a few and I immediately recognized the word “Briard.” And it is indeed a dog that would get stuck in briars.

And last week, the Echo City guys and I went out to Pints & Pies for burgers for the guys and pizza for me. It was a very tasty pizza. I have been dreaming of it and the cold Yuengling draft I had ever since.

Large Object, or more adventures with Nan

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

This morning, I had to emerge from my holiday fever dream for some reality– luckily, it was a meeting with my good friend, mentor and partner-in-crime Nan.

If you’re not a regular, Nan and I have been working together for a decade. I’m an author assistant of sorts for her. She’s congenitally blind and a super-talented writer and editor. That’s why she’s one of the team at Parisian Phoenix Publishing.

Nan had written an essay, a humorous essay, “Large Object,” about my daffy life and my ineptness with my own calendar.

I slightly overslept, perhaps because of my killer strength workout last night– I benched 100 pounds with Andrew at Apex Training to meet my “Christmas Challenge.”

It wasn’t a good lift– but it was two sloppy reps that I technically lifted off my chest.

What was even more exciting was the full-body engagement I experienced during the lift. I haven’t been taking my muscle relaxer, Baclofen, and my legs have been stiff (and I wonder if some other symptoms I have had recently relate back to skipping meds) so I cramped pretty badly during the lifts. I came home and took the Baclofen and have continued it today, especially since yesterday I had a small trip.

So by the time I hauled my butt from bed on this damp, rainy, uncharacteristically 50-degree December day, I decided to take a Wawa coupon and get a free egg white, cheddar, honey turkey and spinach Shorti (with hot honey for the condiment) and man was that both basic and satisfying. (My blood pressure has been high, and up until yesterday I had been completely forgoing caffeine but that’s another story.)

I then swung by Panera for my free iced coffee as a member of the Sips Club. I love Panera’s coffee. This all meant going to Nan’s house backwards– which was a tad confusing especially in the rain. Do you ever do that? Get confused because you’re going the opposite way as usual on familiar roads?

The essay Nan wanted to cover was, like I mentioned above, “Large Object.” I giggled so hard while typing this because she captured the whole scenario so vividly. She also allowed me to do some footage for TikTok to introduce her on our Parisian Phoenix TikTok account.

From her essay:

Angel had a doctor’s appointment, a writers’ group audit and a job interview already on her calendar. As she checked her upcoming days, she suddenly started to laugh.

“Oh my,” she said, “on Monday, my calendar says, ‘LARGE OBJECT.’ I have no idea what I meant.” 
I quipped, “What? The meteor will hit your roof? The dinosaur will arrive in your backyard Monday morning? Santa’s sleigh practicing badly?”

Nancy Scott

The essay mentioned our love of planners, and I told Nan I finally got around to reviewing all of them that I had ordered for 2024. Then, I showed her the “winner.” And once again she ooo-ed and ahh-ed and lamented that if she only had the sight to see these calendars. And one day, I promised we would look for Braille versions.

Upon returning home, I prepared the TikTok video and received some packages as part of the Amazon Vine program. Once was a surprise for the Teen. And it made her very happy. A corset. Frankly, I was relieved it fit.

The chiropractor, the dentist & the OVR counselor

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

Greetings, my dear readers.

Today I had a lovely day with the chiropractor, then the dentist (then an iced coffee at Panera) and email exchanges with my OVR counselor.

So this will be a discussion of health, disability and my job search. I’m at the midpoint of my unemployment benefits and I’m freaking out a little.

Let’s back up…

I have only been visiting my beloved chiropractor (who used to be a physical therapist) Nicole Jenson of Back in Line Chiropractic and Wellness Center every three weeks or so, in part because without the physical labor of my warehouse job and without any complications in my gait I have not needed her. (And that’s kind of great because I also have terrible health insurance right now and no job.)

But today I went to see her, and she was very relieved to hear that my condition has been good and I have not had a fall since Sept. 30. And this was my second visit in a row with no symptoms to report. She was also very impressed with my progress with my fitness and strength coach Andrew at Apex Training. He has been pushing me hard with the weights and the core exercises all because of some pre-New Year’s resolutions we made at the gym.

  • Get weight under 150 (oh, how I was so close and failed so hard. I got down to 156 and stress ate my way to a new high)
  • Bench press 100 pounds (and I’m at 95 with more than a week to go)
  • Squat 150 pounds (Andrew sneaked this one in, and I have no idea if I’m near it)
  • Plank for 2 minutes (personal best currently at 1:10)

A dear friend pointed out that some of my exercise-induced asthma symptoms might actually be connected to caffeine intake, and Nicole definitely concurred that I needed to watch that also because of my balance issues.

And I’m still doing really well with balance and walking thanks to Andrew’s “lead with the knees” guidance.

After leaving Nicole’s, I headed to my six-month check up at the dentist. My dentist recently sold her practice– and she’s been my dentist for almost 35 years– but luckily the new dentist seems personable, smart and efficient. The staff complimented me on taking care of my beautiful teeth, to which I laughed and said, “really, let’s thank genetics because my dental habits are not what they once were.”

Then, at 1 p.m., I grabbed a KIND breakfast bar out of my bag for breakfast and headed through the Panera drive-through for an iced coffee. They offered a $3 per month subscription to their unlimited sip club for three months, and I love Panera’s iced coffee. So I treated myself. I had a meeting at Panera with the Echo City Team on Friday and I subscribed Friday a.m. I have since gone two more times.

By the time I got home, I had an email waiting from my OVR counselor. I decided that since I have some disability-related concerns about finding the right job for my next move, I would apply for assistance from the Office of Vocational Rehab. That way, the state knows I am doing everything I can to find a job. I spoke with my counselor on the phone yesterday, and had her chuckling. She said I am not her typical client, and in a way, it sounded like she was intrigued by seeing what she could do for me.

I compiled all the initial paperwork, and gave her another round today based on her subsequent requests. She’s had some interesting ideas on what her office might be able to do.

Then tonight at the gym, I was doing dumbbell rows with a 40-pound dumbbell and doing incline presses with a 35-pound dumbbell in each hand.

All things fitness, mobility and service dog

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

The last week or so I feel like my strength in the gym (Apex Training) has been dead on– the lifts have come easily and even as my feet/lower body doesn’t cooperate, I seem to get the job done without compromising my other body parts. Andrew, my fitness trainer and strength coach, has been a wonderful support and motivator as life has gotten dramatic and hectic for both of us.

Today I lifted a new PR on bench press– I am up to 80 pounds! As for flexibility and core strength, from my angle it fluctuates every day but Andrew points out a lot of his observations which suggest I am improving more than I might realize. I have noticed that I stumble less, even as my toes drag and my balance falters, knock on wood I have not fallen since Sept. 30.

I have gained back all of the weight I lost, between gin sours and peanut m&m’s and all sorts of chips from the Dollar Tree. And too much pizza! Even with The Teenager home after having her wisdom teeth plus a back molar removed, I’m still eating too much junk– milkshakes, cheese curds, the Wawa chicken fingers and french fries, Macs received for free with minimum purchase of a Diet Coke for me and a Sprite for the Teen all in the name of surgery recovery.

Meanwhile, I can see my muscles gain definition so I know if I’d stop putting junk in my body ALL THE TIME, I could really lean out and have great tone. But the immediate satisfaction of treats and savory, salty foods steals my discipline and knowledge every time.

As if that alone weren’t enough to kick my ass back where it needs to be, I’m starting to believe that the occasional out-of-breath episodes I’m having are symptoms of exercise-induced asthma. My allergies have been bad. The weight doesn’t help. And I noticed more and more that it comes on all of a sudden, even when I’m walking on a flat surface setting my own pace and not with anyone else, and I cannot get air into my lungs until I repeatedly take breaths through my nose and get a breath deep into my chest.

Today, it happened at the gym. I have never had anything like this happen at the gym. I was doing sets of 25 crunches on the exercise ball and really had trouble catching my breath at the end of the set. And I love those crunches! I normally knock them out like a beast!

Light Mobility Service Dog Update

Yesterday I was scheduled to meet with my caseworker at Susquehanna Service Dogs on Zoom. She asked if we could please reschedule for today and as I kept the end of the week open not knowing how the Teen would do with surgery, it worked out fine.

Today the Teen, myself and the caseworker met to discuss what my dog might be trained to do as a task for me, any concerns I might have, and some more updates about my lifestyle. The number one goal I have for this endeavor is to be able to go on walks by myself without fear. I miss my days of going for a 4-mile walk in the morning. I want that piece of mind. The other tasks that I asked for are help retrieving things from the ground when I can’t bend, carrying items I might have in my hand if I find myself struggling for balance, and getting a first aid kit if I need one.

Pregaming Thanksgiving

Angel Ackerman 1 Comment

If you miss my ridiculous banter, you may want to visit ParisianPhoenix.com because most of my activities now relate to the publishing company because I’m trying to develop enough business to make a living now that Stitch Fix has closed its Bethlehem warehouse.

Speaking of Stitch Fix, one of my friends who has gotten fixes religiously since I started with the company got an email today that whatever warehouse shipped her fix instead of ours did not scan the package as it left the facility so neither Stitch Fix nor the carrier has a record of it. Therefore, if she does not receive a fix today or tomorrow, she is to let them know as then they have reason to believe it is lost.

Yup. Did I ever mention that we were the most efficient, safest working warehouse in the network?

Random Cat Photo:
Touch of Gray

Anyway, back to my day. I started my day assisting the Teenager with course registration at her college. She is studying BS psychology and had a good plan. She had courses and backup courses and I planned on catching up with my NaNoWriMo word count (if you don’t know what NaNo is or you have opinions about the NaNo controversary, my take is here) before meeting Nan and a poet friend.

She could not get into ANY of her classes, nor ANY of her backups, nor ANY classes at all in her department. With my help, we found Intro to Women’s/Gender/Sexuality studies, Theory of Religion and Intro to Sociology. She’s also hoping– but probably doesn’t have a chance–to get into astronomy. The professor was on of her pet-sitting clients.

With this new course load, I think she should apply for an interdisciplinary major of her own design, the new BA in Cult Leadership.

I managed to pull 500 words for my novel before heading out to get Nan.

I decided to give Nan her “Christmas present” early. I put that in quotes because I would have gotten it for her regardless of the season. It kept popping up on the available Amazon Vine items that I can review. If you’ve heard about Nan enough, I probably don’t have to tell you she LOVES NASA. She has followed the space program since before man landed on the moon.

Nan won’t go out for the day if there’s a NASA event going on. She has cable simply so she can watch NASA TV.

I got her a decorative desk piece that has an astronaut on the moon with some sort of moon lander or rover. And the space suit has a ledge where you can place your cell phone and the lander thing is a pencil can. The most impractical gift for a blind person. It’s a sculpture you can’t see, with features for items you don’t use.

I’m relieved to say– she loved it. She loves that she can put her two pens that she keeps for sighted friends on her desk. She loves that the sculpture has enough detail that she can look at it. And she loves that for the first time, she has something space-themed she can display.

We took it up to her room and arranged it on her desk and headed to our appointment. We had made arrangements to meet a new friend, we’ll call her the Italian Poet. We were workshopping some of her poems.

Now here’s some motivation/inertia for you: If you write, paint, photograph, whatever, you must find others who share your artistic sensibilities and draw from their energy. Sometimes you share feedback, sometimes you seek inspiration together. Sometimes you learn, sometimes you teach. But the union of people in a space can build spirits and keep you going.

And after Italian Poet encouraged me to pursue my educational goals and I prodded her to finish her Ph.D., Nan and I embarked on our annual tradition: Gobbler bowls at Wawa.

We live a simple existence. Then we taste-tested a peppermint watermelon sparkling water. Nan did not approve. I did. But, as Nan says, I do seek out the weird stuff.

The Teenager used Nan and I for a photography project.

I went to the gym for leg day where I squat 120 pounds on the barbell for eight solid reps. Definitely liking that!’

100 by Christmas

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment
Yes, that’s Andrew and I

My trainer Andrew announced that he thought I could bench 100 lbs by Christmas. This was after I benched 80 lbs for three solid reps. It was a new personal record for me and another reinforcement that I have regained strength in 2023, despite the health issues.

I told him that after the Christmas season challenges we already have listed on the public goal board at the gym, we need to add the next goals for my birthday in late May and another set for my 50th birthday in 2025.

But, even while my strength increases, my stress eating continues. Now, I aim for 1300-1500 calories a day so that even if I “binge” I don’t do too much damage. Nowadays, I often hit 2000 calories only on a bad eating day.

Today for breakfast I did not go for my usual bagel with cream cheese, avocado or even more decadent brie. I had one serving of Cabot cottage cheese (it’s very decadent and smooth), a golden kiwi, about a cup of raspberries, and a cold matcha latte, my style, made with sweetened matcha powder, unflavored whey powder and unsweetened, organic coconut milk that was delightfully hearty and robust. The breakfast came to 400 calories– including the cup of coffee with half and half I had four hours earlier (and come to think of it, I never finished it. Not only did it have lots of satisfying fat to tide me, but it also had 27 grams of protein.

I have a networking event I plan to attend later in the day, at a brewery, so I had lunch at 2 p.m. and decided to stay with the high protein low cal effort. I used a whole wheat tortilla to hold almost a cup of chopped romaine lettuce and a serving of Penn Valley homestyle chicken salad. I added a small glass of diet Ocean Spray ruby red grapefruit juice and a dessert– Chobani zero sugar Greek yogurt. That meal was a little more than 400 calories and also 27 grams of protein, but I did not finish the yogurt.

Tomorrow I have a working interview, my second, for a job where I would need black pants. So, yesterday Southern Candy, The Teenager and I went to the thrift store. My four pairs of pants came to about $8, and three of them fit.

A day with the firecracker (some fun at the warehouse, and a trip to the doctor)

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

Work

I came into work today feeling my oats for some reason. I don’t even know why, but I quickly got sassy and playful. I started my day with strong numbers– but immediately I noticed one of my peers running support kept coming into my valley to give her friend work, when she wasn’t really in charge of our valley.

And the work she was bringing her friend was the easy work, the work I’m supposed to have access too and this support person didn’t share any with me. Just took it all to her friend– who has no reason to need the work that requires less bending.

I look around and I see other who have been given the same accommodation I have, but mine have not been adjusted for the day. And I don’t think the person I saw with three carts adapted has official medical paperwork. Yet, I had to trade work with a neighbor because my work did not meet my documented needs.

So I mentioned to my supervisor, maybe we could sit down with P&C (People and Culture, Stitch Fix’s HR department) to offer some final insight that the company does not seem to have appropriate, consistent policies in place to meet workers’ needs when it comes to reasonable, official ADA protected accommodations.

Not even thirty minutes later, the person who brought preferential work to her friend (who is the same person who messed up my fix last month if you were here for that saga) brought another cart of that work to my neighbor, I can’t recall if she has a name in this blog, so I’ll just call her my neighbor and fan (as she is reading my Fashion and Fiends novel series. Please buy books. I am losing my job after all.) My neighbor gave her the nastiest glare, and she walked off the floor and went to someone to complain. Then, she gave me the work.

The person who brought it to her apologized, and my neighbor explained to her very politely that I have documented medical issues. She said she didn’t know, but that’s malarkey because she told me to my face that she would only give me the work when she was certain she had enough for everyone else.

So she knows better, because she was admonished before. Even my neighbor mentioned that is really is ridiculous that every day I have to advocate for myself. And they had a really good system in place in the beginning, but too many people complained that they didn’t think it was fair.

But on the happy side, we had a popcorn chicken luncheon and left work at noon so that gave me a chance to rest before my physical and keep editing Road Trip, the fourth full novel of Fashion and Fiends.

Medical

When I arrived at my primary care physician’s office, half the office had lost power. Mercury is indeed in retrograde. I have lost four pounds recently. My blood pressure is good. I had no new complaints and I thanked the team for being so diligent and willing to listen to me throughout the craziness of 2023.

And to think– salt may have been the culprit all along.

My primary care physician read my neurologist’s notes and called her “smart” and “good” and liked her assessments and her approach to my care. So I mentioned to him that I have two questions I ask every new doctor.

  1. What do you see when you examine me?
  2. If I add you to my team, when should I call you?

This allows me to digest their observations and learn from them and know exactly which doctor to call and under what circumstances.

Then my doctor and I discussed medications, and I confirmed that I’ve felt great since weaning off my SSRI and that my new cardiologist and I agree that once I get through this job loss and transition into whatever else is next we will probably discontinue the beta blocker.

It’s always a good idea, he said, to minimize one’s medications.

I mentioned that I just didn’t think it would be a good idea to have an SSRI, a muscle relaxer and a beta blocker in my system. That’s why when he called and told me to stop the SSRI, I had already been lowering my dose.

I added to the conversation that I knew I had a responsibility to do what I could to solve the problem, because the medical establishment would eventually start throwing more pills at me if I didn’t improve. And that that is not a criticism of doctors, but an admission that I felt something was off so if I did everything I could do to give the doctors more clues, it would hopefully lead to answers.

He paused for a minute, and agreed with me, and basically thanked me for taking responsibility for myself and my health.

The Gym

Today, Andrew tried to cripple me with a leg workout. I can feel him challenging my range of motion and I love it. I did manage to deadlift about 120 lbs.

What makes today a good day might change tomorrow

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

This week presented many challenges. Monday I was hurting, probably from too much computer work during my 10-hour weekend editing sessions each day. I survived Monday, but barely, only to learn that Tuesday I would be moved to a different station in the Stitch Fix warehouse.

Change is never easy– but in this particular instance, as a person with a documented disability and doctor-derived medical accommodations, I struggle in my normal environment to perform at the same level as an ordinary employee. And that’s my job, to do the work, with a reasonable amount of help.

The main consideration used by management to determine assignments on the warehouse floor is table height. Is the work surface the appropriate height to match the ergonomic needs of the employee? In my case, my performance also relies on which side of the line I am on and who is “on support” that day. I work on “the B side” which does not mean I am not a radio song. It means the conveyance system that moves the fixes to the next stage of the process is on my left side.

I rely on my left side for balance. Therefore, to minimize potential issues with my hip and ensure my balance and stability, I need to work on the side where I turn to the left to put my boxes on the line.

My original table assignment for Tuesday was on the right, or the A side.

Requesting a B-assignment got me moved from line two to line four, which meant I would no longer have my regular support team. (That’s the role of the people who deliver work and supplies to those of us who fold the clothes.) I have been told that it’s my job to remind these folks of my medical needs. And they don’t always like that. So it makes me uncomfortable. Because in my view, it’s not my job to tell someone else how to do their job.

And to make matters more fun, it’s up to the individual to decide how to provide my accommodations. The deviations are small, but the impacts are major. The cart typically arrives with eight fixes on four shelves, with five to eight boxes lying horizontally on top of the cart. Most people move the boxes (I often take them) and pile the work from the bottom of the cart on the top. Some people even put the fixes from the two bottom shelves and place them in boxes on top.

I don’t even ask that pack slips be placed with them. I have myself trained to flip them to match the new order. Which confuses everyone but me.

This particular day, my support person, who I believe is a delight, so this is no reflection of who she is as a person, decided she would place the clothes around the boxes without moving the boxes at all. She tucked them all over the boxes. Which meant if I moved the cart to my station or reached for the boxes, the clothes fell on the floor. How does this help me? Keep in mind– I go through three carts an hour.

I eventually complained to a supervisor and said something like this:

“I know it’s too late now, as we’re closing, but there really should be a system in place where Stitch Fix defines what the accommodation is for the doctor’s orders, because it really shouldn’t rely on individuals who don’t understand the disability. And maybe it’s a violation of privacy, but those of use who need the extra attention should be arranged together so support automatically knows if we’re in that section, we have an accommodation and it would also cut down on people requesting accommodations when they haven’t done the paperwork.”

The supervisor said that was a great idea and lamented that I hadn’t mentioned it earlier. I didn’t mention it because it’s basic logic.

Somehow, I survive, and I make numbers. My body is so twisted I can feel that if I move wrong I’m going to pull a muscle in my lower back. But it’s okay because I have the chiropractor on Wednesday.

And then I get the table from hell on Wednesday. It’s the right height, right side, good support people. But it’s a front-of-the-line table, so I have to keep pushing the boxes toward the end. The fan keeps blowing my pack slips, which means I need to tuck them under my craft paper roll instead of on my laptop keyboard. But I keep forgetting, which means every cart I repeat chasing a paper, and tucking the others under my craft paper roll. My scanner keeps disconnecting from my computer. And if I need to go get a large box, which is common now as we are transitioning into winter clothes, I have to walk to the back of the line to get it.

These things add ten to thirty seconds to every fix. That’s 40 minutes over the course of the day. And I finished at 91% which is bad enough to get me a warning. And so I’m stressing, which tenses my muscles, and since my neurological condition already creates issues with my muscles not relaxing just makes everything worse.

And midday, the leaders got out an inflatable beach ball so every one could bounce it around to each other. That upset me more because I don’t have time to have fun. How dare they think I might be able to survive this and have fun?

Nicole Jensen of Back in Line Chiropractic aligned my lower body and stretched out my legs and I left her able to stand up straight and move my legs without stabbing pain.

This is where the difficult mental part of disability takes over. It’s so much easier to give in, to rest, to eat ice cream and watch TV and be done. But I knew my body needed to stretch and move in order to correct whatever issues had been caused by my misalignment and muscle tightness.

My brain and my muscles don’t have good conversations– so it seems like I can to manually perform a motion for a while to teach my body how to do it, even if that is reminding it how feet go or how a gait is supposed to work. That’s why I go to the gym. Not just so someone forces me to exercise, but also so someone can make sure I am using body parts correctly.

But I have to tell you, I dreaded going to the gym. I had been in pain all day. I wanted to take a hot shower and go to bed.

Andrew texted. He had a situation at work. Maybe the universe thought I needed a break. When Nicole works on me after such bad body pain, I’m often achy the next day.

Then Thursday went fine. Great even. But the pain crept back Friday, not nearly as bad but it took me most of my day to get my metrics at work to solid ground. And Friday night I went to the gym, and despite how I was feeling, I had fun and did well with some heavy weights.

I made some salmon and trendy smashed potatoes with vegan tzaziki sauce for dinner and the Teenager loved it. I fleshed out the writer’s proof for the erotica book. And went to bed feeling like I had been successful.

This morning I got up, discovered I had low blood pressure after I took my beta blocker (oops) and had a light breakfast– coffee with PB2 and cream, PowderVitamin Electrolyte Powder Plus in strawberry cucumber and these breakfast biscuits from Olyra. I thought they’d resemble a Reese’s peanut butter cup or a Tastykake Kandykake.

They were hard, dry and the peanut butter cream was minuscule and didn’t even moisten the cookie. Terrible. And I love their yogurt breakfast biscuits so how could this taste like someone managed to shape chocolate-flavored protein powder into a cookie?

Anyway, the moral of the story is: sometimes what you can achieve one day is much less than what you achieved on a different day.