Tag spirituality

My pandemic gratitude list

Angel Ackerman 3 Comments

Today one of the counties next to mine— the county where my dad lives, the county where a lot of my friends live—went on lockdown due to Covid-19. Governor’s orders.

It was day three for me of working from home and so far my average work day is 9 hours long. Not because I’m an undisciplined worker but because I work at a human services non-profit and the current health crisis impacts us as an agency and also intensifies the struggles of many of our clients.

So, I decided to revive a tradition my neighbor started with me when she first moved into my neighborhood. Every day we would text each other three things we were grateful for, and we did this for probably four months before the tradition died. The goal was to never repeat. And the items could be small. Like “I am grateful for dry socks.”

Today I’m going to share with you my pandemic gratitude list.

  1. I am grateful for my job. It’s stressful, and I often find myself overwhelmed but my colleagues are amazing, my agency does great work, and I know I am learning so many new things I would have never had the chance to learn otherwise.
  2. I am grateful for the reconnection happening because of the virus. Today a former colleague texted me. Yesterday a friend who moved to Florida telephoned. I hadn’t really communicated with them in probably six months, but people are trying to check in on others right now.
  3. I am grateful for medical professionals that care. I had one doctor call me today to say he was closing his face-to-face practice for a while because of the virus and he wanted to tell me himself and be sure I knew how to reach him if I needed him. That was very kind.
  4. I am grateful for these kittens. My human baby is going to be 16 in June. The kitten I got her for her birthday has just turned nine. It’s been a long time since we had any babies in the house. Their mischief makes me laugh and their cuddly baby selves are just heart warming.

5. I am grateful for cheap pizza. Like Little Caesars. And delivery chains like Dominos. As a stress food pizza and brownies and cool ranch Doritos never disappoint.

6. I am grateful to be more-or-less able-bodied. Yes, it can be difficult to deal with cerebral palsy. Yes, my S-1 joint gives me a lot of trouble and I wish I could afford all the chiropractor visits I need and a personal trainer to help motivate me to do my exercises but hey— it’s my body and we work well together most of the time.

7. I am grateful for eyeglasses. Without them, I would be lost.

8. I am grateful for electric blankets, thick comforters, pretty duvet covers, fluffy pillows and weighted blankets. Bed should be cozy.

9. I am grateful for birdsong. I never would have imagined the positive impact those parakeets would have on my bedroom. Their happy little chirps when the sun shines really brighten my day.

10. I am grateful for my family. That includes my wicked smart and super kind teenage daughter and her dad. He was altruistic enough to lend me his laptop when this pandemic began, so I could work from home without stealing our daughter’s laptop.

Feel free to comment below with your own pandemic gratitude list.

Walk on the Stirner Arts Trail

Angel Ackerman 4 Comments

My friend Gayle invited the teenager and I to go for an appropriately socially distanced walk on Easton’s Karl Stirner Arts Trail.

The Arts Trail has added a new nature trail, some new art, a Qi Gong station, a labyrinth and a chime installation. So that was really fun.

I walked more today than I did in the last two days combined. Maybe three.

The teen

We also saw at least seven breeds of dogs so that was a delight. Frolicking puppies of every type.

But it was the best feeling when my daughter and I came upon the labyrinth and I explained the spiritual value of a labyrinth (and it turns out I managed to summarize exactly what the signs said).

It was like I got a redo on the vernal equinox.

So I brought into the labyrinth my recent stress and doubt, asking the universe to guide me.

My gift

And I repeated my mantra to the center of the labyrinth— and walked out my hands open to the receiving position ready to get answers. Or guidance.

At the altar

I feel refreshed.

For Gayle’s take on the adventure:

Fat Girl Walking on the KSAT

Just another Saturday

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

I woke up this morning worried about things I can’t control, and to a cat coughing up a hairball somewhere in the darkness of my room. It was 4 a.m. and to get myself back to sleep, I keep imagining a cleansing white light.

I imagined the white light getting brighter and brighter. It filled my house, came up my stairs and saturated my room. It brought me calm and helped me get to sleep.

I finally gave up on sleep around 7 a.m. but laid in bed until 7:30. I got up, fed the cats, started a load of laundry and cared for the birds.

Then I finished the first season of Hell’s Kitchen while folding clean laundry and hanging wet wash.

I had a piece of toast, put dishes away, washed the pots and pans, and scrubbed the kitchen counter (even the trivet and the toaster— have to periodically get those crumbs out of the toaster.)

And I found what could be very handy if COVID-19 ends up in my neighborhood: a bottle of Hibiclens the doctor told the teenager to use in the shower before her surgery in November.

My college professor neighbor and I had coffee on her porch, while I was clad in my African dress that I bought in Djibouti for my trip to Somalia.

I vacuumed the sun porch. Did some necessary paperwork. Gave Nala, my Goffin’s cockatoo, a shower. Scrubbed the tub, but not as well as I would have liked.

But I didn’t strip my bed or play with my new make up.

This evening my other neighbor took us to dinner at La Bella’s as a thank you for watching her dog.

Amazing Bread

The teenager decided to compliment our server every time she came to the table. I had chicken penne vodka. The child had seafood spaghetti vodka. The portions were ginormous and the seafood seemed good. I’m not a seafood fan.

See those bumpy calamari?

I think I’ll have enough leftovers for TWO lunches. As with the teen. And my neighbor. And then my neighbor took us to Owwowcow for ice cream. I got cinnamon bourbon.

The food was scrumptious but made me sad because I’m still having mild dental issues. My neighbor is looking at a root canal so we’re a good pair.

And now we’re home. Roomba is vacuuming my bedroom.

The teen is trying cone incense for the first time. She tried to pick natural varieties that wouldn’t burn my eyes and sinuses. She asked me what to burn, so we went for the cleansing sandalwood— vanilla sandalwood to be exact.

I used to use sandalwood soap to bathe before I practiced rituals and vanilla is a very pure, comforting flavor and scent to me.

I asked the teen, who now has her own altar with her own selected candles on it, why do you burn incense?

She answered, “because it clears my sinuses and helps me focus.”

Good girl, I thought.

The Power of Symbols

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

In my recent discussions of spirituality and witchcraft, a comment from one of my followers (Olivia) pointed out that it makes sense that items that are on an altar should be very personal.

That got me thinking about what makes a symbol powerful.

Items on an altar are symbols of the energies we wish to attract.

So, sure there are certain traditional masculine symbols if you wish to attract that type of energy: phallic symbols and the sun for example. Just like the bowls and the moon are traditionally female.

Those symbols are based on associations most people understand and to which they can relate.

Other symbols retain their power because people imbue them with collective thoughts. Think of the cross; it’s a powerful icon because a massive amount of people having agreed on its meaning for centuries.

For some, the cross inspires hope and love and a promise. Others might associate it with guilt and bigotry.

But most people on this planet know it.

The American flag also evokes such strong associations.

That’s why, when considering what you believe and what symbols hold power, and what that power is, the most important part of the equation is what you hold most dear in your heart.

That will carry the power.

21st Century Witchcraft: if you need it, it will come

Angel Ackerman 3 Comments

Part of an informal ongoing series.

To read previous segments:

21st Century Witchcraft: Why I’m no longer “Christian”

21st Century Witchcraft: Magic in the Everyday

21st Century Witchcraft: Books

Today was not an easy day. But I feel like I’ve climbed a hump for right now and I can’t worry about what comes next.

My favorite Bible passage, and the one read when I got married was Matthew 6:25-34.

Verse 6:26: Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.”

34: “So do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will bring worries of its own.”

The universe will provide.

In its own way, in the right time.

My daughter has recently delved into my treasure trove of hand-me-down witch/Wicca/spiritual books. She wanted tools, candles, and to create her own rituals. She wanted to go to a witchcraft shop.

I quickly told her no.

Your tools, I said, will be more powerful if you find them. A piece of wood from a hike with friends. Trinkets from travels. I touch stones constantly to see if they speak to me. I found an unopened pack of cigarettes once and tobacco and fire are both good for ritual.

My bedroom altar is an old Crayola stock box used to carry crayons around the factory for a hundred years. I use the inside as a bookshelf (messy now because I have the Bible in my lap).

On top:

  • My cauldron is a small bowl I fell in love with at the Asian gifts store.
  • My daughter’s favorite book from her toddler days and her first mouthpiece from her baritone which just broke this year.
  • A “nameplate” I bought from a friend’s country gift store because it happened to have my name on it.
  • The pen I used to write a novel in middle school.
  • My old silver ring of Jesus on the cross. I used it to remind me not to lose my temper.

  • Sea shells
  • An amethyst
  • A sun candle holder
  • A necklace from I believe Iraq

So look for those items that speak to you.

21st Century Witchcraft: Books

Angel Ackerman 4 Comments

Originally I had intended to include “personal space” in this section with books, but I know myself and I’m going to babble enough to make that an upcoming entry.

For part one of my “Witchcraft in the 21rst Century” series: 21st Century Witchcraft: Why I’m no longer “Christian”

For part two: 21st Century Witchcraft: Magic in the Everyday

Welcome to my bookshelf.

During two decades of book-hunting, I have amassed (and given away) a lot of books. I also have a fairly extensive collection of tarot cards but that is another topic for another day.

I gave a large amount of books by Scott Cunningham and Silver Ravenwolf. Before the Internet was readily available and put the universe at our fingertips I used to comb used bookstores and new age shops looking for spiritual ideas.

Then I finally ended up on Llewelyn Publishing’s mailing list.

My daughter now has a lot of the Classics, like Buckland’s Book of Witchcraft.

But I kept some in my vintage Crayola stock box that stands beside my bed.

Everything in this photo is precious to me, except the Celtic Myth book. That one was a disappointment though a good reference. I have some characters who worship ancient Celtic gods.

  • The white book on the bottom is the manual to my 2005 Altima. I loved that car. Having the manual close brings back good memories, nostalgia and longing.
  • Solitary Witch by Silver Ravenwolf is the only one of her books I kept for myself.
  • Wicca: A Year and a Day is a fantastic way to study Wicca and a lot of the meditative daily exercises help find your unique connection to your spirituality. That said, I have never finished the whole book.
  • The faded book lying horizontally on top of those books is my personal book of shadows. Yes, I have one.
  • The two books on top of those are pocket guides to graphology and palmistry. I never found anything else as concise and easy to follow.
  • On top of those are two antique prayer books, both more than 100 years old. One is Catholic. I love Catholic rituals.
  • The Oxford Annotated Bible. This was the Bible from my college Bible classes. We wrote in it. It has extensive footnotes and historical context. I take it with me to church services and still take notes in it. With dates. So over time, I can see my travels through the Bible.
  • The United Methodist Hymnal. My childhood church closed. And one of my peers from those days got me one of the hymnals at the last service.
  • The Book of Centering. An influential pastor once told me about the practice of centering. We were discussing prayer, and this is a type of meditative prayer that also focuses on relaxing the body and pulling prayer into yourself.
  • The Way of Chuang Tzu. This book of Taoist poetry radically altered my perspective of my place in the universe.
  • Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery. My favorite book. I even have an image from it tattooed above my breast. This book, by an amazing man, is all the life lessons you need. It looks like a children’s book, but it’s not. It’s happy and tragic.
  • Walden. This book is meaningful to me from a spiritual and a family perspective. This copy belonged to my great-grandmother’s little brother.
  • Dirty Pretty Things. Sexy, beautiful poetry. Because our sexuality is key to our power.
  • Bloodletting by my friend William Prystauk. Kinky, dark, violent, but the most sincere love story. (For my review of Bill’s book: Review of Bloodletting)
  • My first “novels” that I ever wrote
  • Go the Fuck to Sleep. The last book my husband bought me.

21st Century Witchcraft: Why I’m no longer “Christian”

Angel Ackerman 3 Comments

I proposed a topic of discussion with my daughter the other day, the manifestation of witchcraft in contemporary culture.

“Witchcraft” is all around us.

Now I’m not old enough to say anything about the 1960s, but it seems that’s when American spirituality tried to break from religion in the form of rote brainwashing.

Now, don’t read me wrong.

I merely mean that traditionally, religion begins in the family and people typically follow the same spiritual tenets their parents did.

That’s how the system works and how religion and patriarchy go hand-in-hand. But that’s not my point for today nor a conversation I’m willing to have with the internet-at-large. At least not today or anytime soon.

My mother drove me to a local United Methodist Church on Sundays. Even though religion was not a core of my home life, that experience of attending a church shaped my mind.

And for a long time I was strongly Christian.

Attending a liberal arts college (Moravian College), exposed me to other religions for the first time. Maybe I was ignorant and/or blind, but my small town, rural upbringing did not expose me to anything beyond Christian. This was pre-9/11 so concepts like Jewish and Muslim were foreign to me.

And then I had to take my three religion courses for my requirements. I took Old Testament, Religions of China and Japan and maybe something else I can’t recall right now.

Studying the Old Testament’s origins shook my faith in new ways. Yet, my experiences reassured me that the universe has an order and inherent creative power.

Around this time, one of my mother’s friends gave me a Ryder-Waite tarot deck and I really fell in love with Taoism.

So now, I’m a college student dabbling in other religions convinced I’m going to hell for divination.

Present day me might be going to hell for a lot of reasons. Tarot is merely one. But I don’t believe in hell. I can’t believe a god that loves us enough to sacrifice for us would condemn us to hell. I can’t believe a God that promotes forgiveness would condemn us.

I’m no longer “Christian.” My lack of faith in Christianity has nothing to do with Jesus Christ. I just believe that Christianity is a system of bribery and reward. Institutionalized Christianity focuses too much on a Biblically-mandated moral code that prescribes what we need to do to receive eternal life in Heaven.

I want to do what’s right because I’m a good person, not because of repercussion or reward.

That’s not to say I feel Christians, church or religion is bad.

A genuine faith community is a powerful source of support and good, for individuals, families and neighborhoods.

I have met and interacted with deeply beautiful Christians who improve the lives of others through their generosity and faith. I have worshipped with many faith groups that move me to tears.

I believe in my own spiritual concepts and my own higher power. Those are personal to me and they impact how I live my life.

In my next post:

21st Century Witchcraft: Magic in the everyday