Pilgrimages are for the humble, the weak, the seeking and the hurting.
Pilgrimages are often undertaken by the rich and/or the spiritually shallow, often to gain stature.
My morning started in my backyard with my mother, who has always been far more talented and motivated in terms of gardening. She did a little bit of my weeding— I believe that’s part of her “love language” to help me with my household chores.
The veggies
The patio
The weed pile
After she left, I finished hanging the sheets on the clothesline and did some more weeding.
In those moments, I spent a lot of time reflecting. And I thought about the relationships I have been strengthening lately and the virtual pilgrimage via the El Camino that I have joined with friends on Facebook.
And I thought about how you have to have a strong sense of purpose and determination to take a pilgrimage — I know often religious commitment sparks such a journey but it often intersects with a need for healing, either spiritual or physical.
And the sense of facing challenge and achieving a difficult goal is part of the sense of success.
Then my neighbor (Sobaka’s Mom) said she was going for a walk at one of my favorite parks. I asked if she wanted company and she said sure. That she didn’t really want to go alone.
Of course, before I could go, I had to set Nala up with her puzzle of the day— Video of Today’s puzzle
We walked 5 miles. We talked about a little bit of everything. She’s a strong and plucky woman, and I enjoy her company.
Right now, I am in a mindset of hope and facing “a clean slate.” I am part of a Facebook group doing a virtual El Camino pilgrimage this summer and I find the timing of life to be at my speed right now.
My friend Fausta, also on the pilgrimage, posted about having a place to ponder. As a life coach, she’s name her business “Fausta’s Place to Ponder.” She encouraged all of us to think about and share our individual places.
I immediately wanted to join the discussion but I needed to reflect upon my “place.”
I realized that I have several.
My morning spot is my enclosed sun porch.
I love to gaze at the roses and use them to center myself and focus my thoughts. Two months ago the entire bush was covered with massive blooms, which of course, faded. So I trimmed them. And now I see these long, hearty stalks (an amazing amount of new growth) about you bless us with new flowers.
Life is much the same— we bloom, we sometimes get chopped, but we come back.
But I also like to ponder in my bedroom with my birds, often in the evening after a long day.
But I also love to ponder on road trips, solitary drives. These are the times when I often face my own versions of hard truth and decide on life change.
Last July, this small grey and white cat appeared in my neighbor’s yard. She was so small we thought she might be a kitten.
We tried to catch her— to no avail.
She disappeared as quickly as she came. A few mouth’s later she returned to my neighbor’s house.
But disappeared again.
Two months later, three solid grey tiny kittens appeared on her doorstep. It took about six weeks, but we trapped them.
The first was Mistofelees, now nicknamed Misty, the runt of the litter who always stayed behind when Mama and the others went out hunting.
They all lived under my neighbor’s porch.
We started feeding them, and got a trap as the December nights got colder and wetter.
Misty was terrified and for two weeks lived on our enclosed, heated sun porch.
Eventually, my daughter won his trust and he moved to her bedroom.
The second we nicknamed Smoky. Another neighbor found a home for it.
Fog was last at the end of January— he was so damn smart. We reunited him with his brother in the teen’s room and the two immediately snuggled up together.
I couldn’t bear to separate them.
Fog would not let anyone handle him, but after a while he started appreciating sitting next to a human on the couch or a good chin scratch.
Mama’s boys yesterday
Last weekend, I noticed Mama at the neighbor’s house again and she looked heavy.
I warned my neighbor.
On Tuesday, Mama walked up to the teenager and let us bring her home. She appears to be very pregnant. Someone in the next block has been feeding her.
I made a post on our neighborhood Facebook page but no one claimed her.
“Mama”
We bathed her, combed her, cleaned her ears and gave her expensive flea medicine.
Someone on Facebook recommended someone who has a cat rescue and can get her spayed.
We contacted that person and they can get her spayed today. We asked if we could foster her until the kittens are born as the organization finds them all good homes.
We were told yes.
A few hours later, we received a text that one of their regular foster family’s may take her.
This made us sad.
I feel like Mama wanted to have her kittens with us, because she has seen us raise her other kittens.
But I don’t have the money to get her spayed and her health assessed. Today is my last day of work and I already have too many cats.
There’s so much good activity in my life right now — I’ve been too busy to catch everyone up.
My last day at work is tomorrow and my colleague, Mr. Accordion, is coming over tonight.
I have been working hard publicizing Aspire to Autonomy’s upcoming events, and they have given me the title of Communications Director. I am working with a fantastic intern on public relations and I think, I hope, she is having fun.
Gayle, the teenager and I, went for a nice walk in Easton Cemetery last night. Every time I go up there I find more cool things!
Gayle, the teenager and I went to Porter’s Pub last night after the walk and they let me eat all the “stinky cheese.” Gayle bought me a very delicious salted caramel chocolate porter from Saucony Creek. To celebrate new beginnings!
I cashed in my free medium 2-topping pizza from Dominos.
I’ve been making Nala puzzles every morning to try and keep her busy.
We found someone that can get Mama cat spayed for free. (Did I mention we were out on a walk and our kittens’ mama came to us and we brought her home. She’s pregnant. Again.) We thought the organization would let us foster her and her kittens until they found homes… but now we’re being told they might keep her. So we are a tad sad.
And for multiple days in a row I have made 10,000 or more steps a day!
So I had a somber thought this morning about disability…
How does disability color our view of the world, security and life?
Over the weekend, my daughter and I went to visit my dad, while my neighbor shopped at my step-mom’s store (The Flag Store, Rt 209, Sciota). My daughter and Dad were spying on me from the security camera.
“You know, Mom,” the teenager said, “Your CP is a lot more noticeable on video. Because when you look at you when you are with you, it’s just that you walk a little funky. But looking from the camera it’s obvious that bodies shouldn’t do that.”
My initial thought was relief because I thought everyone saw me as I appear on video.
It’s the whole reason I refused to allow anyone to video my wedding.
And smart phones weren’t a thing back then.
So today— while pondering recent stresses in my life— I had a sober thought.
Does disability teachyou to rely on others and therefore make it easier to ask for help?
That’s how I see my friend, Nan. She’s been blind since birth. She never had children. She’s outlived her whole family. Yet, she has this amazing network of friends who are also helpers. And we all love her sense of humor, her adventurous spirit and of course her practical approach to everything.
But for me, disability has intensified my insecurities to the point where I think no one, and nothing, is reliable. I know there are a lot of other factors that contribute to that in my mind, but I wonder if my disability “tightens the screws.”
Because I can’t even rely on my body.
Will it be an easy walking day? Will I trip and fall? Will my S1 joint protest? Will aches and pains plague me? (Or will my allergies make me nuts as if I don’t have enough health issues?)
When I was a girl, our house had a fairly plain rocking chair in the living room.
As a girl, I never really thought about it.
And then, when I got pregnant with the now teenager, my friend gave me a rocking chair that was the same basic rocking chair.
I was tickled.
My mother-in-law made cushions for it to match the enchanted forest-themed nursery. (The teenager has never painted over the mural.)
Gradually, when breastfeeding and rocking a grumpy baby was no longer a thing, the rocking chair went down stairs.
The cats like it.
And as the house seems to get smaller, now the chair is on the enclosed sun porch.
Do you know how hairy this chair gets with four cats?
I finally realized today that I could remove the cushions, not just vacuum them. After all, my mother-in-law made the cushions so we could be comfortable with the baby.
The baby just turned 16.
I removed the cushions. I’ll wash the covers and maybe I’ll put them back, maybe I won’t.
How many of us cling to habits or things because we just haven’t realized that we don’t need them or that they don’tserve a purpose?
The rocking chair looks good bare. More appropriate for the porch.
Sometimes we need to stop for a minute and learn to recognize when we are functioning on auto-pilot and not in response to our current environment or situation.
I am not an “extreme couponer” and I hate the whole concept of “extreme couponing.” Life experience has taught me to be frugal, but *living* life has taught me that reading 5 newspapers to get a few extra bottles of Tide raises the question of how much is my time and my happiness worth?
When stores first starting using loyalty cards, I hated the concept. I still hate cards. But customer loyalty apps are different. I already have my phone. These apps also allow me to shop and plan my shopping trips. Target Circle, like many others, combines their coupons, payment options (even when in the store), circulars, and stock all in one place. I can scan items to see if there’s a deal while in the store and, of course, they customize offers to cater to my shopping habits.
The Lidl app allows me to make a shopping list (as does Target but I like Lidl’s list organization system better) and rewards me based on how much money I spend. Last month I earned a 30% off sliced cheese coupon! So I bought extra cheese. We might be living on toasted cheese sandwiches with my upcoming job loss.
I sign up for the emails and while a lot of them get annoying, some of them alert me to major deals on my household staples.
And that is what happened with CVS. They sent me a coupon for the gallon bottle of Arizona iced tea for $1.66 cents. The teenager has a weakness for Arizona iced tea so I let her buy some as an occasional treat.
I texted her the offer, and asked her if she wanted to walk to CVS to redeem it. She declined.
CVS sent a 40% off one item coupon. I loaded it to my card because you never know when you’ll end up in CVS for a health emergency.
The teenager also loves Cinnamon Toast Crunch and had a craving for Honey Nut Cheerios. Now I view cereal as an occasional emergency snack, not as breakfast. But the teen is a convert to the cereal-to-start-the-day camp.
Now I know CVS regularly has regular cereal sales.
Yesterday they sent me a coupon. “One day only! General Mills Cereal! $1.99!”
And the photo featured Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Honey Nut Cheerios.
I texted the teenager.
She came downstairs. When I told her that I would buy both cereals, she volunteered to walk to CVS. I handed her my debit card. She refused it. “Mom, it’s $4.”
I asked her if there was anything else she needed. She said no, but she might buy iced tea. I thought, “drats. We missed that iced tea offer.” I told her she could use the 40% off coupon if the iced tea was full price.
She came home with the gallon of iced tea, the two boxes of cereal, and a bag of Doritos. I asked her how much she spent.
“$7,” she said, “but that doesn’t make sense. This is $14 worth of stuff. At least.”
Apparently I also had a snacks/drink coupon I forgot about that also saved us 85 cents.
So we talked about it, and I asked her if she was starting to get my system. She said no. Not at all.
As far as she understood, she merely said she wanted to go to CVS, I looked at the app and put coupons on, she randomly grabbed what she wanted, and told the clerk at the register to use all the coupons.
Angel Ackerman 