Hungryroot meal prep for week ahead

On Saturdays, I tend to make my work lunches and make a loose meal plan for the week ahead.

I ordered an extra Hungryroot box after the snafu of last week’s shipment as we have almost eaten everything in the pantry and freezer.

And since I have heard there is mandatory overtime this week and I have already signed up to work next Saturday, I ordered a box to be delivered this coming Friday.

I have a $15 credit currently on my account and should see an additional $87 credit hopefully Monday.

Meal prep with Hungryroot groceries: superfood blend, salmon, kohlrabi noodles, beef meatballs, turkey meatballs and tortellini

I put most of the teenager’s food into one big divided container so she can design lunches.

For myself:

  1. one lunch of kohlrabi noodles with marinara, shredded parmesan, nutritional yeast, two beef meatballs and two turkey meatballs
  2. one lunch of kohlrabi noodles with thai peanut sauce, superfood blend, and broccoli
  3. one lunch of teriyaki salmon, superfood blend, sesame ginger sauce and sesame seeds
  4. One lunch of tortellini in kale pesto with shaved Brussel sprouts

Dinners will include nachos or tacos with chicken, cuban beans and avocado. Another of burgers, sweet potato fries and my “popcorn” cauliflower, and some sort of stir fry or grain bowl with the remaining brussels and/or cabbage, one of the leftover sauces and tofu burgers.

But by the time I made everything, I forgot to save a meal for today. So the teenager and I tried Hungryroot organic peanut butter on her homemade cinnamon raisin bread with a side of the dark chocolate banana bites also sent by Hungryroot.

Her assessment of the peanut butter: “I don’t hate the peanut butter.”

The bites?

“These don’t taste like banana.”

I looked at the package. “That’s because they are salted caramel chocolate cashews.”

The verdict?

Teenager very much likes the cashews and doesn’t mind the bananas, though the cashews are infinitely better.

Movie review: revisiting the original ‘Iron Man’ movie

As mentioned earlier, the teenager and I started watching the Marvel movies in chronological order, the order that the story occurred in.

Today we revisited Iron Man. Now this is one of my favorites— Robert Downey Jr.’s performance is legendary, his taste in classic hard rock impeccable, and moving the story into the modern Afghanistan war is classic.

So, in trying to watch these in story order, I have to ask if the chronology stays so disparate.

Captain America debuts in World War II. Captain Marvel follows in the 1990s— so fifty years later. And now Iron Man jumps another twenty years to circa 2010.

But so far, the movies pass quickly and painlessly. I still prefer D.C.

Review: A Marvel Challenge

First, an update for my regular followers:

  • Dr. Anna Williams of the My Gothic Dissertation responded to the link I sent her of my review of her magnificent podcast. She also commented that some of my interest (cats, photography), she also enjoyed.
  • My hip and spine and leg are, I believe, not in pain today, just incredibly stiff.
  • We received our first snow last night, a fluffy white four inches. The teenager has her first and only snow day of the season— as the school district has proclaimed that any further inclement weather closings will be remote instruction days. “Baby Dog” F. Bean Barker refused to go out into the snow.
  • Our foster pride through our volunteer work with Feline Urban Rescue and Rehab is “down by two” as Mama Danu of the Celtic Pride and former community cat Georgie are in local pet store habitats. Danu is at Pet Supplies Plus in Bethlehem Township and Georgie is at Chaar in Forks Township. Georgie tends to be vocal and melodramatic but she’s adorable… this is her playing fetch yesterday before we took her to Chaar: YouTube video of Georgie.
Danu
  • Nala, my naughty Goffin’s cockatoo, celebrated her gotcha-versary this week. She has now been with me two years. She will be six years old next month. This is her most recent YouTube video, featuring our tripod, cancer-surviving cat Opie. This was her first video with me.
  • I am editing both Not an Able-Bodied White Man with Money, Parisian Phoenix’s first non-fiction book, and my third novel, Recovery. I am also trying to write the fourth novel, Road Trip, my werewolf Bildungsroman. That is very slow going and making me nervous.
  • And I think, while I was out sick having my hip tended to, there was a mandatory overtime dictate at work. I think I’ll have to squeeze eight more hours into my work week before Jan. 16— which means I will either have to work 12 hours a day (5 a.m. to 5 p.m.) or somehow squeeze 8 hours into Thursday, Friday & Saturday. I have an 11 a.m. appointment Thursday, three doctors appointments Friday and the warehouse is only open for a 6:30 to 10:30 a.m. shift Saturday. Because, of course, Saturday I have no plans.

On to the Movies…

A few days ago, I mentioned to the teenager that it might be fun to watch the Marvel movies in chronological order of how they supposedly happened. I haven’t seen most of them. We decided to use this list as reference: The Wrap.

We watched Captain America: The First Avenger (which I have seen) on Wednesday. I’ve always enjoyed this movie. I wouldn’t call it a good movie, but I love the goodness in Captain America’s motivations and the mix of history, mythology and comic book nonsense.

Last night we started Captain Marvel, which I have not seen but I do remember some controversy about Captain Marvel being a woman in the movie.

We have not finished it, as life happened, but I am thoroughly enjoying reliving the 1990s and seeing a young Nick Fury. Even more fun is seeing my daughter react to the nineties.

Simplify: a health update and a Dunkin review

I went to the chiropractor yesterday. Nicole at Back in Line Chiropractic and Wellness Center warned me that she “beat me up” more than usual.

That’s amusing to me as I was in an incredible amount of discomfort and she eliminated 90% of it.

I explained everything going on— my stress, my lack of good sleep, the possibility I had omicron, not eating right or taking my vitamins, not stretching or working out, and working overtime.

But as soon as she touched the back of my right hip, the tenderness immediately told me there was an issue I hadn’t thought of: my hip.

I need to remember that when I struggle to use my legs I might have an issue with my hip.

This post explores the last time I had this same issue: click here.

And if you look at that entry, you will see my mental health had declined in similar proportion to what I experienced earlier this week.

Pain and shifts in mobility really do have profound effects on our mental health.

So maybe next time instead of focusing on all the things that are going wrong and contributing to my lack of function and mental health, I need to be quicker to ask for medical intervention because — as I already know— I can’t trust my pain.

My pain recently didn’t feel that bad. But all the signs, including 65% work performance indicated otherwise.

I really need that physiatrist appointment to get scheduled.


In cheerier news, I recap some of this in a YouTube video I did yesterday while trying the “brown sugar cookie” latte and new egg bites at Dunkin.

See the video here.

If you want the PowerPoint version of my impressions:

  • The Brown Sugar Cookie flavor is boring. To me, it tasted a bit caramelized and like “toasted white chocolate” syrups. I miss peppermint for Christmas and pistachio for spring. These flavors now only come in peppermint mocha or pistachio mocha. I don’t like mocha in my coffee. Unless my friend and colleague Mary Barnes, now deceased, was the barista making a salted caramel mocha about eight years ago before everything came in salted caramel mocha. Starbucks always introduced it for the holiday season. But back to Dunkin and Brown Sugar Cookie, the teenager compares it to gingerbread. I didn’t get the spice of ginger.
  • The bacon cheddar egg bites… these were expensive but at 17 grams of protein and 280 calories they can substitute for a meal. But $4.99 for two miniature donut shaped eggs? Cute, definitely. Firm and crisp on the outside. Soft on the inside. Smoky, cheesy flavor. Again, boring. Strange mouth feel. But a very practical and utilitarian option.

Rebuilding

My blog entry Monday focused heavily on the decline of my mental and physical health— and how I attributed that decline to the death of my father on December 15 (three weeks ago today) and the stress that has put upon me, my family, and my routine. I also think I may have had a bout with Omicron pre-Christmas which may be part of why my body cannot seem to get appropriate physical rest.

I shared these things because these tribulations are key for the story arc; success and overcoming mean nothing without context.

And if you are someone fighting with similar discombobulation, you might find comfort in my words.

That post is here.

The last few days the pain in my spine has been increasing and my control over my legs is lessening. To walk requires more concentration and effort than I am used to. According to my iPhone, my walking symmetry was a mess yesterday morning. And now today, as temperatures plummet, my right knee has shooting pain.

I am guessing— and purely guessing— that my stress level is exacerbating the spasticity in my lower limbs making legs that can’t relax even more tense.

I haven’t been eating right, and with the lack of good food, I don’t take my vitamins. And when I do eat enough to take my vitamins… Well, I may have eaten half a Hawaiian Luau deep dish pizza from Little Caesar’s.

I cried with my psychologist yesterday in a long-awaited therapy session where he had to recount to me all my strengths while simultaneously making me laugh.

But this gave me the courage to call out sick from work today, sleep in and start the day with my Yoga cobra pose physical therapy sessions (and then take a much needed shower).

In waking up slowly, I had the opportunity to gently force my lower limbs into motion. Walking feels a little more natural.

I had a chiropractor appointment scheduled for Friday and they literally just called today to see if I’d rather come in today. They say it is due to the threat of inclement weather but I think they read my mind.

My last chiropractor appointment was at least two weeks ago, because of the holidays, and I wonder if something might be pressing on a nerve since my right quad is burning again.

And still no work from the physiatrist about securing an appointment or the neurologist about whether my insurance will allow my CT scan.

In other news, Hungryroot gave me a $96 credit for the box that arrived late, less than cold and covered with chemical goo. I didn’t anticipate an issue with them and I had already gone ahead and ordered a new box which arrives tomorrow.

My timid tripod foster cat Louise still insists on cuddling me whenever I am in or on my bed. This upsets foster cat Khloe who likes to believe she is my favorite.

And the dog, F. Bean Barker, ate some more of my furniture.

And I’m starting to think my cat fostering peer might be the only one keeping up with my Fashion and Fiends series as she posted a review on Amazon recently.

The teenager submitted a photo of her and her grandfather for the high school yearbook baby photos. This photo was taken at the West End Fair where my dad was participating in a tractor pull. It was the first major outing I undertook with the baby by myself.

Nan will be coming over soon so we can do some more work on Not an Able Bodied White Man with Money. Which we will do over turkey bacon and omelets.

Let’s hope the next few days bring my body and my mind some relief.

Books as Salvation

Hey, friends and readers,
I am trying to get back into my social media and marketing plan for my publishing company, Parisian Phoenix. Today I mention our upcoming projects and talk about books saving me from my grief– but not as escape, as intellectual distraction.

Angel Ackerman's avatarParisian Phoenix Publishing

Every reader I know uses words like “escape” when they describe why they love books.

I have always looked at books with loftier expectations— searching for wisdom, philosophy, artfully crafted phrases, and an emotional punch.

Here at Parisian Phoenix, we have three books available, two deep in production and one in preproduction.

And I knew this project— my publishing company with my partner Gayle Hendricks who designs my covers and my books— would be a labor of love. It started as a desire to preserve the novels I had written in a more permanent form that digital files but has evolved into a mission bigger than I ever imagined.

My first novel, Manipulations, is a chick lit/horror fiction hybrid that kicks off the Fashion and Fiends series.

In the novel, 400-year-old fire mage Galen Sorbach stalks and seduces supermodel Adelaide Pitney for the powerful water magick she doesn’t even…

View original post 296 more words

When Grief Manifests as Panic

It hasn’t even been a month since my employer eliminated second shift in favor of a seven-day-a-week operating schedule.

It has been about six weeks since my doctor ordered tests to try and pinpoint the cause of my spine, hip and leg pain. And about five weeks since the x-rays revealed a spine, that as my doctor said, wouldn’t be a problem if I were 70 or 80.

My dad died almost three weeks ago.

It has been several weeks since Omicron has soared across the world— and I discovered today, today, that Omicron grows best in nostrils and doesn’t take so well in lungs.

Did I have Omicron before Christmas? When I had stopped taking my allergy meds because of the funeral and had a congested head?

We had ten new cases of Covid at work today. This is the highest count ever. Most of the people who attended my father’s funeral have it. Curly, my college roommate, went home from my house to discover her teenage son had it.

My psychologist tested positive. My trainer did, too. My neighbor did. My other neighbor’s employer did.

It’s been almost two weeks since my neurologist appointment.

It’s been five days since my Hungryroot order shipped.

It’s been four days since my head CT was canceled.

It’s been four days since foster cat Danu went to Pet Supplies Plus.

Danu, gentlest cat ever

My grief has heightened my anxiety and has me lost in feelings that I am surrounded by love but I lack enough support. My feelings swirl in my chest and manifest as panic, panic I am too often stuffing away or channeling into tears.

My Hungryroot order came around noon today, after being shipped on Thursday. And the cooling gel pack exploded. Coating all the food. The food arrived bathed in some sticky chemical and warm. I contacted customer service but they warn they are busy and may take 48 hours to get back to me.

And in the meantime, I don’t know if it’s safe to eat the food. At least, the food in packaging. My guess is no. I hope they refund my money. But I ate everything in the pantry over the weekend and now I am out $100 and have no food.

And as I threw items away, I noticed the chicken they shipped me was dated, use by 12/21/21 and they sent it 12/28/21.

Sigh.

Then I got a text from my cat foster godmother: Danu was missing her rabies shot so she had to come home.

Normally I can handle this. But my numbers at work were around 65%, my body pain felt like my bones were burning, and then another member of the cat group sent a long message about how monitoring the medical records of the cats is important.

The vet was supposed to give Danu and all of her kittens the rabies vaccine when they were spayed and neutered. The vet didn’t. I didn’t notice. I screwed up.

Between the medical issues, the family drama, the grieving process and the shift change, I can’t get it life under control.

The second I empty the dishwasher, reload it and run it again, the sink is full. The toilets are dirty. The cats eat the dry food in the gravity feeder as soon as I fill it. The dog keeps eating things.

I’m not sleeping well.

And I have no time left to do anything I enjoy.

So my business plan for Parisian Phoenix is lagging behind.

I pick myself up and look at the positives every day, and every night I fall into bed defeated.

But this too shall pass.

Podcast review: My Gothic Dissertation

My first degree is in English Language and Literature from Moravian College, now Moravian University. I thought I would be a journalism major, but I didn’t like the curriculum. I ended up spending most of my time in the theatre department even though I was a traditional English major with a French minor that was supposed to be a French major but my study abroad fell through and I didn’t have enough French credits.

I worked as a journalism for 15 years and have been writing creatively since the second grade. I still have the notebook where I wrote such stunning poetic works like “My Mom Wears Flip Flops.” In third grade I used a composition notebook to write stories about Czechoslovakia I made up from pictures in a book.

I served as a board member of the Greater Lehigh Valley Writers Group for eight years, serving twice as president. I mentored college students, fellow writers and new reporters and editors.

I served on the local public library board for eight years, also elected to be president of that group. The teenager’s father also served for eight years.

I’ve written several novels, had creative pieces published (poetry, travel writing), and academic accolades— presenting at the National Conference for Undergraduate Research, writing a book on French stereotypes of Muslims and post colonial prejudice for my undergraduate honors thesis, and publishing in Global Studies South and The Sage Academic Encyclopedias (once in the poverty volume and again in the security and surveillance volume).

And I founded my own publishing company, Parisian Phoenix Publishing, which currently has three books out and two more deep in production. Visit ParisianPhoenix.com for info. And buy books.

My belabored point is— I have read books in English and French and my nerdy little heart skipped a beat when I started listening to Anna William’s podcast, My Gothic Dissertation. If you don’t have Spotify or any of the other podcast apps, her website is here. Here is her curriculum vitae.

At first I thought she did a podcast about writing her English dissertation about gothic literature. Then as I listened I realized this was her dissertation. She made her English dissertation into a podcast. She wrote a dissertation about a literary genre hundreds of years old as a podcast.

How rebellious and exciting. But does that even make sense?

It does— because she compares the experience of being a graduate student pursuing a Ph.D. to that of a heroine in a gothic novel. And she criticizes the very system she is maneuvering within.

She frames the heavy academic thought with humor and modern references. In the episode featuring Frankenstein she makes some amazing insights into the novel yet still manages to highlight Young Frankenstein and use Gene Wilder’s performance. In her dissertation! In a podcast!

And though she never mentions it, she uses the original Dark Shadows theme music for emphasis and I kept listening for “My name is Victoria Winters…” (IYKYK)

Even the ending wasn’t predictable. Though she does pass and earn her doctorate.

And I never thought I would appreciate a comparison of professors to a parking lot lift gate.

I hope to find more of Dr. Williams’ work. She is a true asset to the creative world. And she might be way ahead of her time. I hope she has had a hand in making people evaluate academia.

Welcome 2022

I can’t believe it’s 2022.

The teenager graduates from high school this spring. My baby is graduating in 2022. My baby.

It’s been a good start to the year.

My great grandmother was born January 1, 1900. So every year I think to myself that my great grandmother would be X years old. 122. She died in the 1990s.

I woke up at 4:30 a.m. and cuddled cats until 6ish. And believe it or not, I had a cup of coffee and starting doing chores— dishes, meal planning, updating the wall calendar.

The teenager came home from work around 9 a.m. She and her dad brought my favorite coffee, café con leche, and a Sizzli: pork roll, egg and cheese on a bagel. I have wanted to try the pork roll Sizzli for a while and it was delicious. 19 grams of protein and 400 calories.

The teenager and I went to the gym, where we goofed around during the official Boot Camp class. She loaded 188 pounds onto the leg press! When Boot Camp was under control, we started barbell squats and then Romanian deadlifts.

The teenager squatted 135 pounds! I made it to 115, but I wasn’t comfortable attempting 135. It’s too close to my body weight.

I love to watch her lift.

Then, I went to get Nan as we were scheduled to work. After we finished her writing, I prepared a chicken bone-broth soup and a cheese and pierogie casserole. My Hungryroot is stuck in transit so I rooted through my pantry to see what I could prepare. I had a long overtime shift yesterday and don’t want to spend my day off grocery shopping.

And then we starting reading the upcoming Parisian Phoenix anthology, Not An Able-Bodied White Man with Money. And meanwhile Joan is shooting more photos for Trapped.

I have received several beautiful messages today— from current and former colleagues at work, strangers on my blog, and my psychologist.

And another good thing— I got to laugh heartily with my daughter. Mostly at the expense of her dog.

And this is Bean trying to make friends with Khloe. Video

** P.S. I haven’t done my Cobra pose physical therapy. My spine is hurting. Is this why?

I had a good day

It’s been a while since I’ve had a good day. Sunday was okay, but then Monday was hard. I had to ask the question—

How can one day be so much harder than the day prior? Shouldn’t grief get incrementally easier?

I had either a mild cold or intense backlash from not taking my allergy medicine which really fatigued me. Combine that with my father’s death, no real Christmas to speak of and a formerly good friend reappearing Sunday night to gaslight me, again, hopefully for the last time.

I have been short-tempered, moody and a little meaner than usual. We all understand the reasons why, right? In addition to this very emotional stuff, I am still dealing with what is essentially premature aging in my spine and a new extended work day and a daily schedule that involves flipping my previous life upside down. I used to go to be at 2 a.m. and now my alarm wakes me at 5 a.m. That is, when cats don’t request a cuddle at 4:30 a.m.

The former friend in question here wished me a happy and safe holiday after ignoring me for the last three weeks— which unbeknownst to me was on purpose because I wouldn’t provide this person informative on a quasi-sorta date I went on. This person felt slighted and like they were not valued as a friend because I did not share something I felt was personal and none of their business (I told none of my friends) AND something that didn’t go anywhere worth reporting.

Apparently, this friend— who has a history of gaslighting— stopped looking at my social media, my blog, etc. Not once did this friend say anything to me.

This friend said nothing when my dad passed.

So, being at the end of my rope in every category, I lashed out.

I said mean things. The same mean things I have said to this person before and this person has responded not by addressing those issues but with points on how nasty I can be.

I’m wondering if I need to block this person. I don’t want to, because once upon a time this person was a good friend. But circumstances outside my control have changed my relationship with this person.

And I don’t have the emotional energy to placate people any more.

And in those same terms— I am so grateful for those friends who keep checking on me. You know, the ones that actually pay attention to what is happening in my life.

But anyway… my good day…

I am realizing more and more that stress makes my aches and pains flare. And I wonder if that contributes to the burning sensation in my quads and my instability.

At work, it quickly became apparent that I was hitting my metrics! I texted the teenager and asked if she wanted to have breakfast on my 15 minute break. She made a Dunkin run and brought the dog to see me.

I think I maintained 95% in QC all day.

Lunch was delicious — leftover chicken with vodka sauce and fresh broccoli, kale, and spinach.

And I got to style card, which I also got to do yesterday. It feels good to do something different and work in positions not everyone in the warehouse knows.

It just felt like a normal day, and I felt like me, and not a foggy me.