Enough is enough! (Take that, Tupperware cupboard!)

I’ve been stressed. There’s a lot going on in my life between relationships and work. And for weeks, if not months, I’ve wanted to clean the Tupperware cupboard.

When my husband moved out in late June, I encouraged him to take more of the storage containers in the cupboard. I honestly don’t remember how much he took. But I do know I look at the cupboard and think I have too many containers left.

Purging and organizing makes my soul feel free and light.

Today I finally did it…

I ate way too many pierogies for dinner and then I tackled the abyss.

My heart celebrates order over chaos.

The Power of Symbols

In my recent discussions of spirituality and witchcraft, a comment from one of my followers (Olivia) pointed out that it makes sense that items that are on an altar should be very personal.

That got me thinking about what makes a symbol powerful.

Items on an altar are symbols of the energies we wish to attract.

So, sure there are certain traditional masculine symbols if you wish to attract that type of energy: phallic symbols and the sun for example. Just like the bowls and the moon are traditionally female.

Those symbols are based on associations most people understand and to which they can relate.

Other symbols retain their power because people imbue them with collective thoughts. Think of the cross; it’s a powerful icon because a massive amount of people having agreed on its meaning for centuries.

For some, the cross inspires hope and love and a promise. Others might associate it with guilt and bigotry.

But most people on this planet know it.

The American flag also evokes such strong associations.

That’s why, when considering what you believe and what symbols hold power, and what that power is, the most important part of the equation is what you hold most dear in your heart.

That will carry the power.

21st Century Witchcraft: if you need it, it will come

Part of an informal ongoing series.

To read previous segments:

21st Century Witchcraft: Why I’m no longer “Christian”

21st Century Witchcraft: Magic in the Everyday

21st Century Witchcraft: Books

Today was not an easy day. But I feel like I’ve climbed a hump for right now and I can’t worry about what comes next.

My favorite Bible passage, and the one read when I got married was Matthew 6:25-34.

Verse 6:26: Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.”

34: “So do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will bring worries of its own.”

The universe will provide.

In its own way, in the right time.

My daughter has recently delved into my treasure trove of hand-me-down witch/Wicca/spiritual books. She wanted tools, candles, and to create her own rituals. She wanted to go to a witchcraft shop.

I quickly told her no.

Your tools, I said, will be more powerful if you find them. A piece of wood from a hike with friends. Trinkets from travels. I touch stones constantly to see if they speak to me. I found an unopened pack of cigarettes once and tobacco and fire are both good for ritual.

My bedroom altar is an old Crayola stock box used to carry crayons around the factory for a hundred years. I use the inside as a bookshelf (messy now because I have the Bible in my lap).

On top:

  • My cauldron is a small bowl I fell in love with at the Asian gifts store.
  • My daughter’s favorite book from her toddler days and her first mouthpiece from her baritone which just broke this year.
  • A “nameplate” I bought from a friend’s country gift store because it happened to have my name on it.
  • The pen I used to write a novel in middle school.
  • My old silver ring of Jesus on the cross. I used it to remind me not to lose my temper.

  • Sea shells
  • An amethyst
  • A sun candle holder
  • A necklace from I believe Iraq

So look for those items that speak to you.

Why you should always be nice

Today I kept my head above water, but I often still feel like I’m drowning.

Physically I’m still struggling a bit so that makes it a little harder.

Dinner tonight was Little Caesar’s deep dish.

I ordered it for 5 pm so the teenager could come with me to pick it up, but she had a kitten pinning her down and we all know how hard it can be to escape kittens. 

I arrive early since I didn’t stop home. The person staffing Little Caesar’s front desk is super apologetic that my pie isn’t ready. I said it was fine, and told her that my daughter being held hostage by kittens.

She gave the only response she could, “Awe…. you have kittens?! Like little kittens?”

And as she drank her Mountain Dew I told her the story of trapping the kittens and how I don’t have the heart to separate the remaining siblings.

Next she asked, how old is your daughter?”

“Almost 16,” I replied.

“You don’t look old enough to have a daughter who’s 16.”

“I’m going to be 45 in a couple months,” I told her.

“You look damn good for 45,” the woman said as she handed me my pizza.

I thanked her. And then she told me to wait and she gave me big bag of cookies, for my daughter, even though my daughter was too old for cookies, she said, but everyone likes cookies.

It made me think of all the times I used to give out things like popcorn.

But who knew Little Caesar’s had cookies?

Anyway, those cookies felt like winning the lottery.

In closing, enjoy this photo of the teenager exploring the cookies and Nala, the cockatoo, and I, eating pizza.

21st Century Witchcraft: Books

Originally I had intended to include “personal space” in this section with books, but I know myself and I’m going to babble enough to make that an upcoming entry.

For part one of my “Witchcraft in the 21rst Century” series: 21st Century Witchcraft: Why I’m no longer “Christian”

For part two: 21st Century Witchcraft: Magic in the Everyday

Welcome to my bookshelf.

During two decades of book-hunting, I have amassed (and given away) a lot of books. I also have a fairly extensive collection of tarot cards but that is another topic for another day.

I gave a large amount of books by Scott Cunningham and Silver Ravenwolf. Before the Internet was readily available and put the universe at our fingertips I used to comb used bookstores and new age shops looking for spiritual ideas.

Then I finally ended up on Llewelyn Publishing’s mailing list.

My daughter now has a lot of the Classics, like Buckland’s Book of Witchcraft.

But I kept some in my vintage Crayola stock box that stands beside my bed.

Everything in this photo is precious to me, except the Celtic Myth book. That one was a disappointment though a good reference. I have some characters who worship ancient Celtic gods.

  • The white book on the bottom is the manual to my 2005 Altima. I loved that car. Having the manual close brings back good memories, nostalgia and longing.
  • Solitary Witch by Silver Ravenwolf is the only one of her books I kept for myself.
  • Wicca: A Year and a Day is a fantastic way to study Wicca and a lot of the meditative daily exercises help find your unique connection to your spirituality. That said, I have never finished the whole book.
  • The faded book lying horizontally on top of those books is my personal book of shadows. Yes, I have one.
  • The two books on top of those are pocket guides to graphology and palmistry. I never found anything else as concise and easy to follow.
  • On top of those are two antique prayer books, both more than 100 years old. One is Catholic. I love Catholic rituals.
  • The Oxford Annotated Bible. This was the Bible from my college Bible classes. We wrote in it. It has extensive footnotes and historical context. I take it with me to church services and still take notes in it. With dates. So over time, I can see my travels through the Bible.
  • The United Methodist Hymnal. My childhood church closed. And one of my peers from those days got me one of the hymnals at the last service.
  • The Book of Centering. An influential pastor once told me about the practice of centering. We were discussing prayer, and this is a type of meditative prayer that also focuses on relaxing the body and pulling prayer into yourself.
  • The Way of Chuang Tzu. This book of Taoist poetry radically altered my perspective of my place in the universe.
  • Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery. My favorite book. I even have an image from it tattooed above my breast. This book, by an amazing man, is all the life lessons you need. It looks like a children’s book, but it’s not. It’s happy and tragic.
  • Walden. This book is meaningful to me from a spiritual and a family perspective. This copy belonged to my great-grandmother’s little brother.
  • Dirty Pretty Things. Sexy, beautiful poetry. Because our sexuality is key to our power.
  • Bloodletting by my friend William Prystauk. Kinky, dark, violent, but the most sincere love story. (For my review of Bill’s book: Review of Bloodletting)
  • My first “novels” that I ever wrote
  • Go the Fuck to Sleep. The last book my husband bought me.

21st Century Witchcraft: Magic in the Everyday

To understand my perspective and my background, see the earlier piece (part 1): 21st Century Witchcraft: Why I’m no longer “Christian”

My definition of witchcraft is neither the practices of spells nor the following of Wicca, though both of those may qualify as witches.

My definition of magic isn’t based on hocus pocus or ritual, though both of those may qualify.

In my view, and what I wish to discuss here, there are many practices in everyday life that, again in my view, equate to everyday magic.My views may run counter to your views. please remember, the universe has space for all of us.

Respect, first and foremost.

  • Prayer. The basic concept of prayer has a person preparing a sincere conversation with God. Thinking that our words with influence a higher power or change the outcome of events certainly feels like magic to me.
  • Aromatherapy, essential oils, herbal medicine. Witchcraft may be seen as finding the best use for items in the natural world and understanding how these items influence our mind, body, health and behavior.
  • Good luck charms. Lucky penny? Only take a test with certain color pens? Not only is this about superstition but it’s also a case of using an object to focus and strengthen our own will.
  • Candles. If you choice your candles or scented wax products based on color or smell, I consider that trying to change the atmosphere of your home with subtle magic.
  • Traditional foods. Eat pork and sauerkraut on New Year’s Day? Certain desserts on certain occasions? Our food habits and what we chose to eat alters our frame of mind. Those mental states can certainly impact us. And in other cases, the ingredients and preparation procedures gives us singular focus.
  • Pets. The animals we bring into our homes may bring an intense bond. Some may be so attuned to us, they may provide protection, strength and reassurance. In other cases, the animal may bring beauty or joy just in its presence.

Coming soon:

Witchcraft in the 21st Century (part 3): Books and personal space

21st Century Witchcraft: Why I’m no longer “Christian”

I proposed a topic of discussion with my daughter the other day, the manifestation of witchcraft in contemporary culture.

“Witchcraft” is all around us.

Now I’m not old enough to say anything about the 1960s, but it seems that’s when American spirituality tried to break from religion in the form of rote brainwashing.

Now, don’t read me wrong.

I merely mean that traditionally, religion begins in the family and people typically follow the same spiritual tenets their parents did.

That’s how the system works and how religion and patriarchy go hand-in-hand. But that’s not my point for today nor a conversation I’m willing to have with the internet-at-large. At least not today or anytime soon.

My mother drove me to a local United Methodist Church on Sundays. Even though religion was not a core of my home life, that experience of attending a church shaped my mind.

And for a long time I was strongly Christian.

Attending a liberal arts college (Moravian College), exposed me to other religions for the first time. Maybe I was ignorant and/or blind, but my small town, rural upbringing did not expose me to anything beyond Christian. This was pre-9/11 so concepts like Jewish and Muslim were foreign to me.

And then I had to take my three religion courses for my requirements. I took Old Testament, Religions of China and Japan and maybe something else I can’t recall right now.

Studying the Old Testament’s origins shook my faith in new ways. Yet, my experiences reassured me that the universe has an order and inherent creative power.

Around this time, one of my mother’s friends gave me a Ryder-Waite tarot deck and I really fell in love with Taoism.

So now, I’m a college student dabbling in other religions convinced I’m going to hell for divination.

Present day me might be going to hell for a lot of reasons. Tarot is merely one. But I don’t believe in hell. I can’t believe a god that loves us enough to sacrifice for us would condemn us to hell. I can’t believe a God that promotes forgiveness would condemn us.

I’m no longer “Christian.” My lack of faith in Christianity has nothing to do with Jesus Christ. I just believe that Christianity is a system of bribery and reward. Institutionalized Christianity focuses too much on a Biblically-mandated moral code that prescribes what we need to do to receive eternal life in Heaven.

I want to do what’s right because I’m a good person, not because of repercussion or reward.

That’s not to say I feel Christians, church or religion is bad.

A genuine faith community is a powerful source of support and good, for individuals, families and neighborhoods.

I have met and interacted with deeply beautiful Christians who improve the lives of others through their generosity and faith. I have worshipped with many faith groups that move me to tears.

I believe in my own spiritual concepts and my own higher power. Those are personal to me and they impact how I live my life.

In my next post:

21st Century Witchcraft: Magic in the everyday

Grit and getting published on The Mighty

I binge-watched Ryan O’Connell’s Special on Netflix and it resonated with me so much I wrote an essay about it for The Mighty.com, a social media platform for people with disabilities and their caretakers.

I’ve been so stressed out at work I didn’t notice they published it two weeks ago and that it was also republished on Yahoo News: My piece on Yahoo News

Today was a not a good day, but with my normal pluck and good attitude I tried. Sadly, I left work feeling like a disappointment and a failure. But I had a nice supper with a friend and my daughter.

My daughter replaced my chipped phone screen protector so I’ll no longer get bits of glass in my fingers. I have a Bodygardz protector so I ordered a replacement. I can get 1 per year at $8.

We went to the store for bagels and cream cheese and there wasn’t a bagel anywhere in the store.

The teenager and I went to the gym. I fell in the parking lot, smashed my elbow and, if you hadn’t guessed it, chipped my new phone case and screen protector.

I didn’t work out at the gym. Just cried in the locker room and came home.

Because the stress of my job, coupled with the stress of running the household by myself for the last seven months, is taking a toll. My cerebral palsy is “getting worse.”

My mind is strong, but my body is breaking.

Household update

The kittens still eat as if they don’t know when their next meal will be.

I gave Nala a shower today to evaluate the extent of her plucking. She spent most of the day with me. I even let her have a small piece of Cool Ranch Dorito. She liked that.

I went to Petco and used my $10 off $30 coupon. Bought Nala a perch she hopefully can’t eat and some more parrot food.

I worked myself to exhaustion doing chores today. And had a big bag of Doritos and two slices of ring bologna for dinner.

I did chores all day and the house doesn’t seem cleaner. It still looks gross.

Let’s see if I can recap.

  • I cleaned the kitchen/bathroom cat box.
  • I ran the dishwasher. Did the dishes that can’t go in the dishwasher.
  • Cleaned bird cages.
  • Fed all the animals.
  • Gave the cockatoo a shower.
  • Scrubbed the tub.
  • Tried to unclog the drain. This became a laborious process.
  • Went grocery shopping.
  • Put the groceries away.
  • Folded laundry and put clothes away.
  • Vacuumed my bedroom.
  • Cleaned the roomba.
  • Stripped my bed.
  • Remade my bed.
  • Did a load of linens.
  • Hung the linens to dry.
  • Unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher.
  • Scrubbed the kitchen sink.
  • Gathered all of the newspapers for the birds.
  • Organized my tax paperwork (my last W2 came so now I’m stressing about doing my taxes).
  • Went to the pet store.
  • Fed all four cats.

A new Target run?

8 a.m. Originally my friend Nancy and I planned to go to the Grocery Outlet. Nancy is blind and likes to shop with me because of my love of food, how frugal I am and my eye for weird stuff.

I start looking at my list, and at my emails, and I realize for much of my list I can shop at Target. I worked at Target up until the middle of last year so I know Super Bowl weekend is a big grocery sale weekend. The things you learn working almost 9 years at the Bullseye.

It also looks like with the switch from Simply Balanced to Good and Gather, corporate strategy has moved into trendier products. Like vegan, Gluten free and other high-end groceries.

Our local Target is very middle of the road. I wonder how many of these products won’t be available because we aren’t a community high enough on the socio-economic scale.

10 a.m. Picking up Nancy. It’s always better to get in and out of Target before noon on weekends.

10:10 a.m. Arrive at Target and start to see old work friends. Wendy, my trainer from cash office, and Courtney, who used to supervise me in the front end, both meet Nan. And Nan almost shakes hands with a box instead of Courtney.

In their defense, Courtney was holding a box and a Frappuccino so she was too slow maneuvering.

We treated ourselves to a drink at Starbucks, made by my soon to be ex-husband’s niece, who is a dental hygienist on weekdays.

10:30 a.m. Shopping begins. I was hoping for some clearance hosiery, no luck. There were some beautiful clearance boots (and I am rapidly running out of shoes) but nothing under a size 11.

Run into several former colleagues who want to say hi and help Nan look for a can opener. There are five to choose from but we still can’t find the right one.

Run into a colleague from my current job.

Ran into the widower of one of my Target colleague whom I worked with very closely in food service. She died of cancer two years ago.

Discover my favorite deodorant is up to $8 and they changed the formula so my rose and vanilla is now rose and black pepper.

11 a.m. We finally hit the “Market” section, which is what Target calls grocery. There’s a lot of hit or miss. Avocados are an amazing value at 79 cents each, but the avocados themselves are lackluster. Most of the produce seems beyond it’s prime.

That’s a big problem with groceries at Target. Fresh produce isn’t culled regularly and the non perishables are often way out of date. I’ve found items on the shelves that the use by date is more than a year out of date. So you really have to check everything.

I know for a fact that the employees try, but the more Target increases wages, the more each employee needs to do. Retail survives by keeping employees at part-time hours so they don’t have to offer benefits and then they schedule at ridiculously low levels so it’s a challenge to keep the store properly manned. This isn’t just a Target problem. It’s the whole corporate/consumerism system.

People want cheap stuff with no concern for quality, its longevity, how it was produced, impact on the environment or the community, or whether or not they need it.

But that’s another tangent entirely.

I didn’t find many new products nor did I find some of the sale items I had wanted.

Noon Nan and I head to the front end.

I bought $100 in groceries and earned a $10 gift card, but I also didn’t appropriately load the $20 in gift cards I already had.

Highlights of my purchases:

  • The $7 giant tub of peanut butter pretzels. It was on sale and it’s the perfect pre-workout snack. Listen to me, I’m under some delusion that I will be going to the gym.
  • Doritos. The ultimate stress food. I shouldn’t even buy them but $2 a bag.
  • An $8 pork loin for $3. Expiring. But I can toss it in the crockpot for dinner tomorrow.
  • Turkey Perky jerky. On Target Circle for 30 percent off. Going in my desk drawer at work for those days where workload means lunch doesn’t happen until 2 or 3.
  • Waterloo sparkling water. $3 for eight cans. I got it as a treat. I wanted to try the watermelon flavor.
  • A giant bottle of white vinegar for $2.29. I use it instead of fabric softener. Cheaper, less chemical-y and less slimy that traditional fabric softener.
  • I got some canned carrots and peas. I don’t normally do canned veggies but if I want to make a shepherd or cottage pie, they will be perfect.
  • Cafe Mosaica and Traditional Medicinals Nighty Nite Valerian. My favorite coffee and my favorite pre-bedtime tea. Both on sale.
  • Smoked Paprika. $3.39 for the tiny spice bottle. Another splurge. But it’s amazing. It’s Gaz Oakley’s favorite spice and he has me hooked. If you haven’t looked up Avant Garde Vegan on YouTube, do it. His recipes are usually easy and delicious. Regardless of your dietary preferences.
  • Another splurge (which I ate for lunch): Birds Eye shaved Brussel sprouts. $3.19 a bag which is supposed to be two servings. But I sprinkled some imitation bacon bits on top and ate them for lunch with a side of Doritos.

  • Caulipower Pizza was on Target Circle for 20% off. They are normally $7 but with the discount and the sale price it was $5. Nan has wanted to try them so I will make it for her when she comes over for dinner Monday. I love them, but I’m not paying $7.
  • And ice cream. I promised the teenager malted milk shakes this weekend so I bought a pint of vanilla bean ice cream for $1.79. They have some very odd flavors in the full size containers, including my old favorite Unicorn and the new Mermaid. But I had to buy Rainbow because it has strawberry rhubarb swirl. And there is a Breakfast Cereal variety with, no lie, cinnamon toast flavored ice cream.