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The Grateful Friday

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Yesterday I cleaned a lot of my downstairs and had a relatively good work out at Apex. I haven’t felt incredibly strong lately, but my IUD must be working because I’m not in pain.

I had a good week at work, so cleaning, working on Parisian Phoenix projects and watching Cobra Kai suited me just fine yesterday.

I even found two of the dog’s Kong balls under the couch which made for a very happy dog.

Today, I was supposed to have my annual physical but my doctor’s office called yesterday and rescheduled for next week— which also means another week without answers from my CT scan and physiatrist referral. Neither the neurologist nor the physiatrist’s office has called me back.

And I need a doctor that can help me understand the motion and mechanics of my body, and not just its individual parts.

Today I scrubbed the exterior of the stove and did dishes. Then I went to help my blind friend Nan with some errands and grocery shopping.

We made plans to pick up some pizza at Little Caesars so Nan could try the Batman Calzony. No matter how I tried I couldn’t explain what it was to the blind lady. So we bought one.

But we had time to kill before the teenager got out of school even after we put groceries away. We grabbed the dog and got drinks and hash browns (for the dog) at Dunkin.

And then we surprised the teenager with the dog at school.

Then Joan stopper by to drop off some hand-me-down magazines and erotica, cupcakes and photos that Joan needed us to sort.

Now, I’m cuddling with Louise, watching Gotham Garage and enjoying kitten photos.

What influenced me to feminize horror

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Angel Ackerman's avatarParisian Phoenix Publishing

The idea to start Parisian Phoenix Publishing came as a fake publisher on a design project Gayle Hendricks, our art director, did for the faculty art show at school. She thought it’d be cool to design a box set for the chick lit/horror novels that I was pitching to New York City agents at the time. She needed a publisher, so she invented one.

I thought, amidst my pandemic angst, I would publish my novels as a way to preserve them in an age where technology rapidly changes and computer files corrupt. Somehow, it snowballed.

My self publishing project became a vanity press as I enlisted the help of friends. That vanity press became a real publisher as we covered more genres and solicited submissions from the outside world for our nonfiction anthology.

But I haven’t addressed why my Fashion and Fiends series mixes elements of “chick lit” with horror…

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Tuesday recap of goals, safety and math

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I intended to write this post two hours ago as a form of relaxation when I got home from work. Instead, I got sucked into the proof of TRAPPED that came from the printer, and writing instructions on how to pitch a press release for a local high school student.

Opening page of TRAPPED

My spine is hurting, but as far as Tuesdays go today was a good one. I think I may have hit 98% if my metrics in the QC department of the Stitch Fix Bizzy Hizzy.

Tuesdays typically leave me rather crippled— but for some reason this week I am doing better than usual. I performed 108% in Freestyle Sunday, and then my process lead and I found an error in the computation of yesterday’s metric in QC. The computer at first assigned me 91%. I suggested that might be wrong. That by my calculations it should be around 95%. Turns out my lunch wasn’t in the figure. So the computer thought I should have hit a higher goal.

My process lead seems perpetually impressed by my ability to perform math, and my tracking of my own performance. I also don’t agree with the official distribution of targets throughout the day, and eventually I will have my own numbers. (I basically have them now— but I’m still honing them. For instance, they say 40 by 9 a.m., whereas I aim for 42 by 8:50.)

Today might have been my best day since before the shift change. Not only because of the numbers but because I did a pre-interview or something like that for the safety team.

I’m not even really sure exactly what the safety team does, but I think I can bring perspective and the ability to explain to others with me to the table.

Apparently one of my former Midnight Society teammates “talked me up.” And it appears I did not disappoint. They had an ice breaker of one fun fact— and this colleague had to think I would talk about Parisian Phoenix or my cat fostering.

I warned him I was going to say something that would surprise even him. I mentioned my most exotic vacation included a visit to Mogadishu.

“Didn’t see that coming,” he said.

He then proceeded to tell them that I was a very interesting person with whom to talk.

All of that made today a little special.

The Next in the Marvel Sequence

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The teenager and I have been working our way through the Marvel movies. A friend from my Target days warned me that the middle batch of movies had a different feel than the rest. He said this as I started to complain about the Avengers movie featuring Ulltron.

We’ve now made it all the way to Black Panther which means I have four movies to add to my previous assessments. Previous installments (or at least the most recent) can be found here.

Ant-Man: I loved the concept and the humor, though I wonder how much of this movie was CGI. How much of the movie is an excuse to explore various special effects?

Captain America: Civil War: I feel like this movie was made just as a reason to tie new characters into the franchise. After seeing this, Spider-Man: Homecoming makes a lot more sense. But I don’t enjoy movies that makes up geographic regions just to destroy them. And a lot of these villainous plots seem to be awfully elaborate just to achieve something simple.

And if the theme of this one is to see what happens when heroes fight amongst themselves— isn’t that the storyline for the Thor movies?

Black widow: I am so thrilled to finally know the backstory for this one. Loved the family dynamics and the discussion it makes about people in power brainwashing those below them, and those who “don’t matter,” in this case, young, poor girls.

That said, I very much wanted to turn it off during the avalanche in the prison break scene. It felt way longer and more dramatic than it needed to be.

Spiderman: Homecoming: This might be in the top five of the teenager’s favorite movies. I, on the other hand, am not the target audience.

I like about half the movie. I like seeing Spider-Man act like a kid and balance his need to grow up with his desire to be a superhero. I love that Tony Stark is in the fatherly role in this one.

I love that Michael Keaton is the villain in this one. I have rated Michael Keaton in my top five of actors since approximately 1987. And yes— I like Michael Keaton as Batman and in general I am more of a DC fan versus a Marvel Fan.

My husband had me collecting Superman comics, as well as Catwoman and Batgirl (the Kassandra Kane run, not Barbara Gordon). Black Widow reminds me of her.

But I digress. Michael Keaton does a great job portraying the villain as a family man, and Peter Parker’s interactions with him encapsulate the feelings of many teen boys regarding their relationships with adults and specifically fathers.

So there you go.

Rainy Icy Friday

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I don’t have many plans this weekend— defined by my work schedule as Thursday, Friday and Saturday— in part because my body has been unpredictable, the weather has been crazy and the teenager’s work schedule varies.

I went to the chiropractor at 5 p.m. on Wednesday, leaving work 30 minutes early to get the last appointment of the day. I wanted Dr. Jensen to see my body after four ten-hour shifts in Stitch Fix’s Bizzy Hizzy warehouse.

And, for the second or third week in a row, I could barely crawl home on Tuesday night but felt pretty good on Wednesday. So I feel like I’m not getting closer to solutions to my physical issues.

Yesterday I tried to do some work for Parisian Phoenix, did a lot of laundry, visited briefly with a friend I’ve missed and haven’t seen merely enough of, taught a high school student how to write a press release, watched several episodes of Cobra Kai, ran the dishwasher and went to the gym.

The teenager working on her squat form

The teenager did a lot of work on her squat form while I did some accessory work. I also weighed myself— 157 lbs. Sigh. Still 20 pounds overweight.

Then we had Taco Bell, including the new Cinnabon balls.

Today I worked on the index for the Parisian Phoenix nonfiction anthology on marginalized identities, Not an Able-Bodied White Man with Money, which I will be blogging about on the Parisian Phoenix web site later tonight. F. Bean Barker was my helper.

Indexing is only half complete and man does it allow me to interact with the text in new ways.

Louise has an appointment with a potential adopter tomorrow and today she was quite cuddly, video here. I don’t know how she’ll do in the backroom of PetSmart but all least we’ll be with her.

Nala and Louise

In the afternoon, I accompanied the teenager to her audiologist appointment for a tune-up on her hearing aids.

Then we went for shoes. The teenager needed some and I wanted to buy a warmer pair that fit more loosely — hoping that would ease the blistering and burning in my toes.

I didn’t buy these patent leather stilettos.
I didn’t buy these tie-dye Vans on clearance
I bought these.

The teenager got new black Vans and a new design, the orange blossom Vans.

We ran into Target just to use the bathroom and I told the pouty teenager we could get a drink at Sonic. But turns out Sonic is still drive through only, so if you can’t have drive-in service what’s the point of visiting Sonic?

So we went to Sheetz, and had appetizers. Which would have been fine if the teenager hadn’t suggested going to see her grandmother, my mother-in-law. And her aunt— who recently destroyed her elbow falling on the ice.

We’re finishing Captain America: Civil War right now. The ice is slowly building up outside as the cold rolls into town. And Peter Parker just made his debut in the series.

Disability is a mind game

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

I often hear people comment about my positive attitude and my ability not to be deterred or disheartened by challenges.

But to an extent, people with a congenital disability don’t have a choice.

In my experience, people with congenital physical disabilities who have the capacity to live independently in the world learn early in life that persistent complaining doesn’t change anything, that there are limits to what can be fixed, and that the only way to succeed in an ableist world is to prove that we can contribute and that we are worthy of space.

To do that, to push those messages and to push those behaviors into the world despite whatever pain or physical challenges face us, requires a lot of strength and energy.

So mood and attitude mean everything. Because if my psychological state fades into grouchy or sad or frustrated, my energy drops. My concentration dissipates. And it’s on the subconscious level.

And it takes more energy for a disabled person to navigate the world.

Really.

It does.

For instance, my blind friend Nancy doesn’t necessarily move from point A to point B in a straight line. Often, she is having a tactile interaction with her environment that requires extra steps and physical behaviors whether that be using her white cane, trailing a wall, or following the body movements of a sighted guide. Hell, if she’s with a sighted guide she can’t even determine her own walking speed. She has to match her companion.

But this also applies to me and my cerebral palsy. Because of lower limb spasticity, my leg muscles don’t relax. I have to concentrate on my body, my posture and my movements with every step. This is exhausting.

A 2010 study by Bell and Davies concluded, “that children with mild CP had a lower physical activity level and lower energy requirements than typically developing children. However, during walking the children with CP expended significantly more energy.”

And I honestly believe I that when my “good attitude” shifts into a darker place, I don’t have the energy for that level of focus and my body revolts.

I might be wrong.

“Put me in coach”: A Work Story

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If you stop by here often, you know that last Wednesday I spoke with some more people at work about my disability and that whole day I was given my preferred/easier for me fixes.

I achieved 96% for the day, folding what are called refixes, fixes that had problems that got rejected and needed to go back to be fixed. So the fix needs a fix.

When they return from the refix department, they are boxed in the box they were originally slated to ship in and they are on top of the cart instead of on the shelves.

I really struggle to reach shelves seven and eight so this is a huge help.

And since neither the physiatrist nor my neurologist have responded to my recent concerns about my mobility and my coordination, I have not asked for official work accommodations yet.

Yesterday was the first day of my work week— I did something like 89% in Freestyle, folding clothes and shipping packages for the first 8+ hours of my shift. At 3:30 p.m., I moved over to returns processing where I might have hit 75%.

Today was Monday, which means the warehouse was firing on all cylinders. I was in my home department, and I might have gotten 40 refixes today. So 3/4 of my work involved a lot of bending, crouching and twisting.

My back did okay, but my right quad and right foot burned most of the day and by 4 p.m., my hip hurt. It feels like it’s pointing directly behind me like a tail.

Despite this, I was in the neighborhood of 99%.

And at 4:25 p.m., my process lead asked me to go style card— calling me his “emergency style carder.” I would prefer the phrase “back-up.”

But it gave me a chance to move around and improve my hip functionality so I am grateful.

It made me feel like an athlete waiting on the bench, which then got the song “Centerfield” stuck in my head as I worked.

“Put me in coach, I’m ready to play…”

I would have made the reference to my process lead, but I think he’s too young to get the reference. But, the teenager tells me if he’s seen The Sandlot, he’ll know the song.

If you need to hear the song, here’s a YouTube link.

Marvel update: Two Guardians and Ulltron

Angel Ackerman 1 Comment

The teenager and I are working our way through the Marvel Comics Universe, watching the film in what is reportedly the order of events.

It certainly gives me more depth to Tony Stark, as the Avenger movies seem to hinge a lot on him.

The teenager adores Hawkeye.

And we both enjoy Joss Whedon’s and James Gunn’s humor in the scripts.

But these three films, though completely occupying space as Marvel movies do, with crazy action scenes, internal bickering and often violence among the team, tenseness and humor, fell flat for me.

Why?

Because these movies are based on comic books— comic books from an age where the science fiction of it was wild and the world still had so much unknown. Many of these characters/heroes predate space travel.

Captain America eludes to that when he says he misses the days when he was the biggest monster science had made, or something like that.

So to believe that Hawkeye has a family hidden on a farm that no one knows about in the 21st century seems unbelievable to me, primarily because I have to ask where those kids go to school.

And the larger the cast, the bigger the threat has to be, and the more the story is less about people and more about danger. The solutions in many of these scripts make no sense and the amount of civilian destruction is insane.

And to me, a Generation Xer, Age of Ulltron recreates September 11 (specifically the scene where Tony Stark asks how quickly he can buy a building and throws the Hulk into it, causing its implosion and a giant plume of dust through a major though fictional city). Also, the very idea that Ulltron infiltrates the Internet and represents artificial intelligence gone rogue, is very pertinent for the time period but has lingering air of the late 1990s panic that the opposite would happen—computers/operating systems weren’t smart enough to survive the Y2K date change.

In the Guardians series, the plot just never develops in proportion to the characters. We have these quirky misfit characters that have flimsy plots, and themes that don’t really go beyond their two dimensional comic book origins.

And this business with the infinity stones better have a satisfying conclusion. The idea that these mysterious power sources may all have some sort of intelligence/life map coded within them is fascinating.

Does each stone have part of the blue print to create the next incarnation of the universe? Or do the stones if reunited serve as a self-destruct mechanism?

Anyway, Ant-Man is next.

And I’m intrigued. Can we really trust Vision merely because he can yield Thor’s hammer? Or can he hold the hammer because he was forged by the hammer?

Previous Marvel post

Iron Man 3

Remaining Marvel posts (start here?)

does size matter?

Angel Ackerman Leave a comment

Thursdays are my catch up days for work at my little publishing company, Parisian Phoenix. Today, the art director surprised me with this blog post about paperback book size.

Despite being concerned about what the small size will do to the cost of the book, smaller book means more pages, I am legitimately super excited that we are experimenting with reviving the classic pocket guilty paperback.

gfhendricks's avatarParisian Phoenix Publishing

Manipulations is 6×9, whereas The Little Prince is the classic 4×7

I’m old. I’ll admit that. Growing up in South Bethlehem we walked to the library at Webster and 4th street for books. Later, when we were older, we’d head over the “New Street” bridge and go to the big library. Or the AAUW book sale on bag day. I can still pack a paper bag with books and not have it rip! Our parents would have been broke if we didn’t.

The library mostly had hardback books. They were big and heavy carrying them the mile and a half home. The huge joy came when we were allowed to take our carefully saved money and go “up”-town to the Moravian Book Store (“Down”-town was 3rd Street. Now it’s all downtown.) Or even better when we got to go to the Waldenbooks in the Whitehall Mall in the late 60s.

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