Friends and readers–
My dream is to publish books and cuddle cats for a living. I love to write, and I love to share my stories, but as a publisher I find even more joy helping other writers share their unique voices.
So please, consider buying a book. We will have six books available hopefully within the next sixty days.
And feel free to share our posts with your friends.
As publisher at Parisian Phoenix, I have so many plans, hopes & manuscripts to pursue. As I’ve mentioned, we’re nearly done with the line edit of Not an Able-Bodied White Man with Money, so once the copyright returns from the Library of Congress we will be putting that project to bed— and into print.
Joan Z’s fun still-life photography featuring the residents of Plastiqueville has been submitted to Art Director Gayle Hendricks for her to insert into the body of Trapped, Parisian Phoenix’s first contemporary romance, packed with humor and reality. That will be out once it receives its final line edit.
And meanwhile, the third book of the Fashion and Fiends series, Recovery, is in the final stages of its last editorial review. This book deepens the paranormal mystery that began in Manipulations and explores the medical, military career of Jacqueline Saint-Ébène. And touches on some important feminist and…
It’s Wednesday night— which is my Friday! The Bizzy Hizzy has been a tizzy of Covid cases during this mandatory overtime week.
I’m doing my eight hours of overtime on Saturday.
Tomorrow I’m returning to the gym—the pandemic has also altered my training schedule.
And tomorrow, Georgie gets adopted! Yes, Georgie, our lovable former community cat from downtown Allentown, will be going home to a family where she will be the only pet.
I’m told Louise has an approved adoption application— but this is her third so I am not as optimistic as I should be. The person who applied for her wants two cats so FURR has suggested Khloe also be considered.
If these three cats get adopted— after Danu, Brigid and Aîné all getting adopted since December— I may weep tears of joy.
This week my body experienced all sorts of aches and pains, but I still managed to fold what I felt was a respectable amount of clothes for Stitch Fix. And today was our monthly employee luncheon— chicken Caesar wraps, tomato soup and carrot cake.
And on our final break of the day, everyone from my old shift got sweatshirts.
It’s kinda silly, but at the same token, it commemorates a special era of my life and celebrates the camaraderie we had on second shift. And believe it or not, even though we are scattered among the day shift, we still function as a team.
After work, the teenager invited me to Tic Toc family restaurant where we enjoyed grilled cheese sandwiches.
Ingram finally shipped Darrell Parry’s poetry book (Twists: Gathered Ephemera). And several other Parisian Phoenix titles are coming together. Perhaps as many as three titles releasing before the end of February.
Speaking of Parisian Phoenix, I emailed my class correspondent at Lafayette College and he ordered my first two novels.
And finally, side note… Actor Tim Daly was on the most recent episode of the podcast Hypocondriactor. I love Tim Daly. And I found myself comparing him to Anthony Stewart Head, you know… Giles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I was specifically comparing Daly’s character on Madame Secretary to Head’s role as the school librarian/watcher on Buffy. Both were nerdy academics with interests in obscure topics.
So, I just received a phone call at work from my neurologist’s office. They want me to come in at 8 a.m. Wednesday, because “my” insurance company denied my CT scan.
I use the quotation marks because this letter comes from the insurance company that provided my Medicaid. I received Medicaid four months into my unemployment in November 2020, and I accepted my position at Stitch Fix one week later.
Stitch Fix provides medical insurance as of day one of employment.
To the best of my knowledge, I used Medicaid for one visit to my primary care physician that happened to be scheduled during that week.
I filled out the required paperwork to alert the county assistance office that I had a job, and insurance. I received some paperwork that implied my Medicaid would expire at the end of the year.
But as of January 1, 2021, it still seemed to be hanging around as a secondary insurance policy. Even though I never saw them pay for anything, and my primary insurance was a high deductible plan.
In Spring of 2021, I received a notice that I need to reapply for my medical assistance or it would be canceled as of 8/31/2021. I threw the paperwork away— because I don’t need Medicaid.
But the hospital and the network of doctors associated with it still insisted I had it.
So I thought maybe it would disappear December 31, 2021.
And December 28, 2021 they write the letter denying my CT scan that I photographed and posted above. I receive it around January 5, 2022.
To refresh anyone’s memory or for new readers— I have cerebral palsy but I didn’t really receive medical treatments or interventions as a child, which leaves me now trying to understand my body as it ages. I am approaching my 47th birthday.
My neurologist appointment was December 23 — you can read about that here (and more here) as it was my first ever. I now have an official diagnosis on file with my doctors.
The neurologist’s office scheduled me for a CT scan of my brain on Dec. 30. I was really excited for several reasons: I have never had any CT scan; I am very curious to see what brain damage will be revealed; and my deductible was paid for 2021.
But the office canceled it two hours before the procedure because the insurance company neither approved nor denied the claim.
I find out today that Cigna has approvedthe scan but Medicaiddid not and theneurologist’s office didn’t want me getting a surprise bill.
They canceled a procedure that would have cost me a 10% copay, and now I will pay for it out-of-pocket as my deductible is $1,750. And my HSA will be empty as the teenager is getting hearing aids Friday.
In other physical related items:
Yesterday I experienced a lot of steady pain at work. By the end of the day, I couldn’t even reduce my symptoms and sleep was uncomfortable. I blame the fact that they changed our break schedule and we had our last break at 1:50 — leaving us to work three hours without a break, the last three hours of our ten hour shift.
I finished yesterday at about 80% of the daily metric.
Today, I had a high point at 3 pm of about 95% — and finished the day at 90%.
My back today felt better, pain at let’s say 4 instead of 8. But my toes on my right foot burn about 10 minutes out of every 90.
Interesting side note, I think the intense back pain involves some nerve activity as when my pain increases I can’t feel my need to urinate. Not at all. So that’s fun.
And the Mirena is doing it’s job. But for the first two months, I spotted most of the time. I think I had two days each month where I wasn’t spotting or bleeding. I think that has finally ended. My body seems to act like my body.
But today, for some reason, my right breast aches. Kind of like milk let down.
On Saturdays, I tend to make my work lunches and make a loose meal plan for the week ahead.
I ordered an extra Hungryroot box after the snafu of last week’s shipment as we have almost eaten everything in the pantry and freezer.
And since I have heard there is mandatory overtime this week and I have already signed up to work next Saturday, I ordered a box to be delivered this coming Friday.
I have a $15 credit currently on my account and should see an additional $87 credit hopefully Monday.
Meal prep with Hungryroot groceries: superfood blend, salmon, kohlrabi noodles, beef meatballs, turkey meatballs and tortellini
I put most of the teenager’s food into one big divided container so she can design lunches.
For myself:
one lunch of kohlrabi noodles with marinara, shredded parmesan, nutritional yeast, two beef meatballs and two turkey meatballs
one lunch of kohlrabi noodles with thai peanut sauce, superfood blend, and broccoli
one lunch of teriyaki salmon, superfood blend, sesame ginger sauce and sesame seeds
One lunch of tortellini in kale pesto with shaved Brussel sprouts
Dinners will include nachos or tacos with chicken, cuban beans and avocado. Another of burgers, sweet potato fries and my “popcorn” cauliflower, and some sort of stir fry or grain bowl with the remaining brussels and/or cabbage, one of the leftover sauces and tofu burgers.
But by the time I made everything, I forgot to save a meal for today. So the teenager and I tried Hungryroot organic peanut butter on her homemade cinnamon raisin bread with a side of the dark chocolate banana bites also sent by Hungryroot.
Her assessment of the peanut butter: “I don’t hate the peanut butter.”
The bites?
“These don’t taste like banana.”
I looked at the package. “That’s because they are salted caramel chocolate cashews.”
The verdict?
Teenager very much likes the cashews and doesn’t mind the bananas, though the cashews are infinitely better.
As mentioned earlier, the teenager and I started watching the Marvel movies in chronological order, the order that the story occurred in.
Today we revisited Iron Man. Now this is one of my favorites— Robert Downey Jr.’s performance is legendary, his taste in classic hard rock impeccable, and moving the story into the modern Afghanistan war is classic.
So, in trying to watch these in story order, I have to ask if the chronology stays so disparate.
Captain America debuts in World War II. Captain Marvel follows in the 1990s— so fifty years later. And now Iron Man jumps another twenty years to circa 2010.
But so far, the movies pass quickly and painlessly. I still prefer D.C.
Dr. Anna Williams of the My Gothic Dissertation responded to the link I sent her of my review of her magnificent podcast. She also commented that some of my interest (cats, photography), she also enjoyed.
My hip and spine and leg are, I believe, not in pain today, just incredibly stiff.
We received our first snow last night, a fluffy white four inches. The teenager has her first and only snow day of the season— as the school district has proclaimed that any further inclement weather closings will be remote instruction days. “Baby Dog” F. Bean Barker refused to go out into the snow.
Our foster pride through our volunteer work with Feline Urban Rescue and Rehab is “down by two” as Mama Danu of the Celtic Pride and former community cat Georgie are in local pet store habitats. Danu is at Pet Supplies Plus in Bethlehem Township and Georgie is at Chaar in Forks Township. Georgie tends to be vocal and melodramatic but she’s adorable… this is her playing fetch yesterday before we took her to Chaar: YouTube video of Georgie.
Danu
Nala, my naughty Goffin’s cockatoo, celebrated her gotcha-versary this week. She has now been with me two years. She will be six years old next month. This is her most recent YouTube video, featuring our tripod, cancer-surviving cat Opie. This was her first video with me.
I am editing both Not an Able-Bodied White Man with Money, Parisian Phoenix’s first non-fiction book, and my third novel, Recovery. I am also trying to write the fourth novel, Road Trip, my werewolf Bildungsroman. That is very slow going and making me nervous.
And I think, while I was out sick having my hip tended to, there was a mandatory overtime dictate at work. I think I’ll have to squeeze eight more hours into my work week before Jan. 16— which means I will either have to work 12 hours a day (5 a.m. to 5 p.m.) or somehow squeeze 8 hours into Thursday, Friday & Saturday. I have an 11 a.m. appointment Thursday, three doctors appointments Friday and the warehouse is only open for a 6:30 to 10:30 a.m. shift Saturday. Because, of course, Saturday I have no plans.
On to the Movies…
A few days ago, I mentioned to the teenager that it might be fun to watch the Marvel movies in chronological order of how they supposedly happened. I haven’t seen most of them. We decided to use this list as reference: The Wrap.
We watched Captain America: The First Avenger (which I have seen) on Wednesday. I’ve always enjoyed this movie. I wouldn’t call it a good movie, but I love the goodness in Captain America’s motivations and the mix of history, mythology and comic book nonsense.
Last night we started Captain Marvel, which I have not seen but I do remember some controversy about Captain Marvel being a woman in the movie.
We have not finished it, as life happened, but I am thoroughly enjoying reliving the 1990s and seeing a young Nick Fury. Even more fun is seeing my daughter react to the nineties.
I went to the chiropractor yesterday. Nicole at Back in Line Chiropractic and Wellness Center warned me that she “beat me up” more than usual.
That’s amusing to me as I was in an incredible amount of discomfort and she eliminated 90% of it.
I explained everything going on— my stress, my lack of good sleep, the possibility I had omicron, not eating right or taking my vitamins, not stretching or working out, and working overtime.
But as soon as she touched the back of my right hip, the tenderness immediately told me there was an issue I hadn’t thought of: my hip.
I need to remember that when I struggle to use my legs I might have an issue with my hip.
This post explores the last time I had this same issue: click here.
And if you look at that entry, you will see my mental health had declined in similar proportion to what I experienced earlier this week.
Pain and shifts in mobility really do have profound effects on our mental health.
So maybe next time instead of focusing on all the things that are going wrong and contributing to my lack of function and mental health, I need to be quicker to ask for medical intervention because — as I already know— I can’t trust my pain.
My pain recently didn’t feel that bad. But all the signs, including 65% work performance indicated otherwise.
I really need that physiatrist appointment to get scheduled.
In cheerier news, I recap some of this in a YouTube video I did yesterday while trying the “brown sugar cookie” latte and new egg bites at Dunkin.
If you want the PowerPoint version of my impressions:
The Brown Sugar Cookie flavor is boring. To me, it tasted a bit caramelized and like “toasted white chocolate” syrups. I miss peppermint for Christmas and pistachio for spring. These flavors now only come in peppermint mocha or pistachio mocha. I don’t like mocha in my coffee. Unless my friend and colleague Mary Barnes, now deceased, was the barista making a salted caramel mocha about eight years ago before everything came in salted caramel mocha. Starbucks always introduced it for the holiday season. But back to Dunkin and Brown Sugar Cookie, the teenager compares it to gingerbread. I didn’t get the spice of ginger.
The bacon cheddar egg bites… these were expensive but at 17 grams of protein and 280 calories they can substitute for a meal. But $4.99 for two miniature donut shaped eggs? Cute, definitely. Firm and crisp on the outside. Soft on the inside. Smoky, cheesy flavor. Again, boring. Strange mouth feel. But a very practical and utilitarian option.
My blog entry Monday focused heavily on the decline of my mental and physical health— and how I attributed that decline to the death of my father on December 15 (three weeks ago today) and the stress that has put upon me, my family, and my routine. I also think I may have had a bout with Omicron pre-Christmas which may be part of why my body cannot seem to get appropriate physical rest.
I shared these things because these tribulations are key for the story arc; success and overcoming mean nothing without context.
And if you are someone fighting with similar discombobulation, you might find comfort in my words.
The last few days the pain in my spine has been increasing and my control over my legs is lessening. To walk requires more concentration and effort than I am used to. According to my iPhone, my walking symmetry was a mess yesterday morning. And now today, as temperatures plummet, my right knee has shooting pain.
I am guessing— and purely guessing— that my stress level is exacerbating the spasticity in my lower limbs making legs that can’t relax even more tense.
I haven’t been eating right, and with the lack of good food, I don’t take my vitamins. And when I do eat enough to take my vitamins… Well, I may have eaten half a Hawaiian Luau deep dish pizza from Little Caesar’s.
I cried with my psychologist yesterday in a long-awaited therapy session where he had to recount to me all my strengths while simultaneously making me laugh.
But this gave me the courage to call out sick from work today, sleep in and start the day with my Yoga cobra pose physical therapy sessions (and then take a much needed shower).
In waking up slowly, I had the opportunity to gently force my lower limbs into motion. Walking feels a little more natural.
I had a chiropractor appointment scheduled for Friday and they literally just called today to see if I’d rather come in today. They say it is due to the threat of inclement weather but I think they read my mind.
My last chiropractor appointment was at least two weeks ago, because of the holidays, and I wonder if something might be pressing on a nerve since my right quad is burning again.
And still no work from the physiatrist about securing an appointment or the neurologist about whether my insurance will allow my CT scan.
In other news, Hungryroot gave me a $96 credit for the box that arrived late, less than cold and covered with chemical goo. I didn’t anticipate an issue with them and I had already gone ahead and ordered a new box which arrives tomorrow.
My timid tripod foster cat Louise still insists on cuddling me whenever I am in or on my bed. This upsets foster cat Khloe who likes to believe she is my favorite.
And the dog, F. Bean Barker, ate some more of my furniture.
And I’m starting to think my cat fostering peer might be the only one keeping up with my Fashion and Fiends series as she posted a review on Amazon recently.
The teenager submitted a photo of her and her grandfather for the high school yearbook baby photos. This photo was taken at the West End Fair where my dad was participating in a tractor pull. It was the first major outing I undertook with the baby by myself.
Nan will be coming over soon so we can do some more work on Not an Able Bodied White Man with Money. Which we will do over turkey bacon and omelets.
Let’s hope the next few days bring my body and my mind some relief.
Hey, friends and readers,
I am trying to get back into my social media and marketing plan for my publishing company, Parisian Phoenix. Today I mention our upcoming projects and talk about books saving me from my grief– but not as escape, as intellectual distraction.
Every reader I know uses words like “escape” when they describe why they love books.
I have always looked at books with loftier expectations— searching for wisdom, philosophy, artfully crafted phrases, and an emotional punch.
Here at Parisian Phoenix, we have three books available, two deep in production and one in preproduction.
And I knew this project— my publishing company with my partner Gayle Hendricks who designs my covers and my books— would be a labor of love. It started as a desire to preserve the novels I had written in a more permanent form that digital files but has evolved into a mission bigger than I ever imagined.
My first novel, Manipulations, is a chick lit/horror fiction hybrid that kicks off the Fashion and Fiends series.
In the novel, 400-year-old fire mage Galen Sorbach stalks and seduces supermodel Adelaide Pitney for the powerful water magick she doesn’t even…
It hasn’t even been a month since my employer eliminated second shift in favor of a seven-day-a-week operating schedule.
It has been about six weeks since my doctor ordered tests to try and pinpoint the cause of my spine, hip and leg pain. And about five weeks since the x-rays revealed a spine, that as my doctor said, wouldn’t be a problem if I were 70 or 80.
My dad died almost three weeks ago.
It has been several weeks since Omicron has soared across the world— and I discovered today, today, that Omicron grows best in nostrils and doesn’t take so well in lungs.
Did I have Omicron before Christmas? When I had stopped taking my allergy meds because of the funeral and had a congested head?
We had ten new cases of Covid at work today. This is the highest count ever. Most of the people who attended my father’s funeral have it. Curly, my college roommate, went home from my house to discover her teenage son had it.
My psychologist tested positive. My trainer did, too. My neighbor did. My other neighbor’s employer did.
It’s been almost two weeks since my neurologist appointment.
It’s been five days since my Hungryroot order shipped.
It’s been four days since my head CT was canceled.
It’s been four days since foster cat Danu went to Pet Supplies Plus.
Danu, gentlest cat ever
My grief has heightened my anxiety and has me lost in feelings that I am surrounded by love but I lack enough support. My feelings swirl in my chest and manifest as panic, panic I am too often stuffing away or channeling into tears.
My Hungryroot order came around noon today, after being shipped on Thursday. And the cooling gel pack exploded. Coating all the food. The food arrived bathed in some sticky chemical and warm. I contacted customer service but they warn they are busy and may take 48 hours to get back to me.
And in the meantime, I don’t know if it’s safe to eat the food. At least, the food in packaging. My guess is no. I hope they refund my money. But I ate everything in the pantry over the weekend and now I am out $100 and have no food.
And as I threw items away, I noticed the chicken they shipped me was dated, use by 12/21/21 and they sent it 12/28/21.
Sigh.
Then I got a text from my cat foster godmother: Danu was missing her rabies shot so she had to come home.
Normally I can handle this. But my numbers at work were around 65%, my body pain felt like my bones were burning, and then another member of the cat group sent a long message about how monitoring the medical records of the cats is important.
The vet was supposed to give Danu and all of her kittens the rabies vaccine when they were spayed and neutered. The vet didn’t. I didn’t notice. I screwed up.
Between the medical issues, the family drama, the grieving process and the shift change, I can’t get it life under control.
The second I empty the dishwasher, reload it and run it again, the sink is full. The toilets are dirty. The cats eat the dry food in the gravity feeder as soon as I fill it. The dog keeps eating things.
I’m not sleeping well.
And I have no time left to do anything I enjoy.
So my business plan for Parisian Phoenix is lagging behind.
I pick myself up and look at the positives every day, and every night I fall into bed defeated.
Angel Ackerman 