I believe it is Wednesday. I’m fairly sure because the teenager keeps talking about taking the garbage out, and I had a chiropractor appointment this morning.
She and I talked a bit about the mental component of health and wellness.
My blog post yesterday reinforced it for me. The “do one more” mentality.
But at the same time—
No matter who you are:
Forgive yourself when your house is dirty. Sometimes you don’t feel well; sometimes you are emotionally stripped; sometimes you are busy living life and enjoying the ephemeral moments.
Forgive yourself when your values and what is important to you doesn’t line up with the rest of the world. Yes, I’m a crazy cat lady and I work in a warehouse even though I’ve had a professional career and lots of education.
Forgive yourself when you can’t keep up. Yes, people want you to do things and people need you, but sometimes you can divide a project that you could do in one day over four days.
Forgive yourself when you feel needy. Sometimes you have to ask for that hug or for help.
Forgive yourself when you want to be alone. Don’t guilt yourself if you need rest or merely some quiet time.
Forgive yourself if you aren’t where you want to be. Sometimes the journey goes unexpected places. Embrace it.
I don’t know whether I should apologize, explain my absence or dive right into this messy, stream of consciousness blog entry. Nothing new is happening but so many little things have brought joy to my life.
I had a great week at the Bizzy Hizzy. I spent most of my week in QC, and I hit 80% of the daily production metric except for one day when I hit 90 percent. But I just can’t seem to replicate that success. Last night I was in receiving inbound processing where I unboxed and received a pallet which included Democracy Jeans and Market and Spruce shirts. I caught a mix-up in tags. And I met a young man whose name is an abbreviated form of Jesus’ Angel because he was born three months premature as I was.
A few nights ago, I was listening to a podcast, probably Mayim Bailik’s Breakdown. They were discussing the ACE Childhood Trauma Test. So I took it. That was a mistake. It made me think about a lot of things— my past, my mental health, my relationships. I didn’t expect the results and I suppose in a way it was profound.
But as much as life may have had some dark spots, the foster cats sure bring joy. Hermes of the Greek Pride is already starting to bound with his new dad. (And even broke something expensive.) Louise the Tripod had a meet and greet with someone interested in adding a new cat to their household. And Parker and Extra Crunchy of ten little kittens are now playing and acting cat-like. Even Touch of Grey seems cheerful.
I picked up my new glasses, replacing my previous pair. I have abandoned my sexy librarian look and regained depth perception.
On another podcast, I heard a host discuss someone who wrote a memoir from her 20 journals. What a joke! He said 20 as if that number is impressive. I have been journaling for 30 years! I lost count after 100 volumes.
Speaking of journals, I splurged on a Silk and Sonder self-care planner/journal. It’s a monthly subscription and I am already anxious that it will stress me out. My regular journal is more or less a bullet journal now. I think another book that requires a daily check in might not be worth the pressure. And it’s $20/month. That seems expensive. More to come. Including unboxing and review.
Speaking of unboxing, I bought myself a Lite Brite in a moment of nostalgia. #NoRegrets
For a while, I was writing everyday on this platform. Recently, life has gotten busy and I shifted my focus to more organized blog entries than random posts.
So I slowed my writing down to times when I am rested and focused— which sometimes isn’t that often. But seriously, this week brought me great joy and also sorrow. In those emotions, I revisited some favorite life lessons. Many, but not all, involve cats.
First, there is Louise, the freshly amputee cat. She spent two weeks under my bed. Probably still confused and uncomfortable from her surgery, but also scared and scarred from her experiences before someone contacted Feline Urban Rescue and Rehab to get this injured apparent stray some help— both material and medical.
After two weeks under my bed, she’s trusting me. She’s super affectionate, cuddly, purrs like a machine and playful. She’s gentle and sweet and doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.
Louise tested my patience and rewarded me with her love.
Hermes, yes another foster, got adopted yesterday. He came to us as a very sick kitten on July 31, 2020 as part of the Greek Pride. His sister Hades sent me to the hospital. But that’s another story.
Hermes was terrified of human hands for most of his life, and he’s still a quirky cat. His new family knows his flaws, but they are confident that he should be their cat.
Hermes reminded me that some growth is slow, but can transform everything about how you live your life. And that we are all on a different timeline.
Touch of Grey, a four-year-old owner surrender, has been with us about two weeks because of her tendency to be bitchy and nasty. She’s been an angel with us, even going so far as to try and convince Hermes’ parents to take her home instead.
Sometimes we only thrive in certain environments. What nurtures me might not work for you.
The hardest part of this week was caring for the Ten Little Kittens who were starving and probably have distemper. Only two survived the week. (More on that here: Ten Tiny Kittens) To see some kitten cuteness: Parker Playing.
Sometimes there is beauty and divinity in the briefest of lives, and knowing you did something, even if it leads to heartache, is better than doing nothing.
Okay. No more cats. I had a conversation with someone whom I’m known for a long time— decades. She has had a good career with the same employer the entire time I’ve known her. She’s my age. She asked where I landed after last year’s job loss. I mentioned the Stitch Fix warehouse and expected the conversation to drop or to get that sense I get from people that my job makes me less important or less of a person now.
Instead, she asked if we were hiring and if I thought it was a good job. I explained the pay, the good and the bad. Apparently she has no holiday pay, no paid time off, and ten hour days. Her job is taking a toll on her body and she just wants to move on.
This country places too much emphasis on our jobs and careers as the definition of who we are. And it’s upsetting how basic quality of life items like health care and paid time off are regulated by/ reliant on corporations and small business owners. Your worth is not based on your occupation.
I went to the diner last night to have pancakes and see the charming teenager #1 at work. One of her regulars asked her to help with his dogs so he and I have been talking. He’s a conservative Christian Trump supporter and I am a liberal with socialist leanings. I told him right off we probably had very different opinions on a lot of issues. But we had a polite discussion and did not attack each other.
Listening and sharing information has to be a polite and earnest exchange. People can have different opinions but respect each other and, even so, cooperate.
This week has been a very busy week for me, in part because I have less hours in a day because of mandatory overtime and the fact that my body has finally adjusted and is sleeping 8 hours a night versus 6.
Recent events and uncertainties remind me of how much we as humans get so caught up in big things, that we forget the little things. These precious details are what make life worth living— whether that be a board game with the family, your favorite ice cream or hitting a new personal best while weight training.
Let me share some of my ten fun “moments” with you.
1. COFFEE DATE: Earlier this week, my neighbor invited me over for a cup of coffee because she wanted to share her excitement over her new milk frotter. Truth be told it was pretty cool— making an ordinary cup of coffee into a celebration.
2. BUZZ CUT CONVERSATIONS: I’ve enjoyed hearing people’s reactions to my extra short hair. Yes, Angel now has a buzz cut. If I’m honest, it makes me uncomfortable as my curly locks are a big part of my confidence and femininity, not having that impacts certain aspects of my personality.
But to hear others react is fun. They tell me their secret hair desires. It strikes up conversations with people with whom I might not normally talk.
3. MIDNIGHT BEER WITH DOG: The weather has warmed so instead of merely letting the pup out to relief herself, I brought a beer and some Doritos and enjoyed our patio and the moon. Moonbathing like the Addams Family.
4. EMBRACING DISABILITY IDENTITY AT WORK: I received an email earlier this week that Stitch Fix is creating some employee groups related to issues like race, gender identity/sexuality and disability. I signed up to join the disability group.
I’m still new on being “out” and open about my disability. I’m learning that I need to be less ashamed and embarrassed about having cerebral palsy. My disability has created many positives. I am tenacious and maintain a good attitude.
In working in a physical and metric driven job, I’m not meeting the same numbers as everyone else but I hope my employer sees that I am dependable, will always give 100% and will always take on a challenge.
5. FUNKY WATER MACHINE: They took away our bottled water at work and replaced it with a water machine that will provide still or sparkling water in a variety of flavors. This makes staying hydrated much more fun.
6. “PEARLS”: I wore my golden costume pearls to work. It made a lot of people smile. It made me clatter when I walked.
7. FUN MASKS: I bought myself some new masks but they are missing. So it means a lot to me that work provides holiday-themed masks. And a lot of them have gnomes.
8. BABY BIRD: Baby Bird is hanging out with the big birds outside the nest. He still can’t fly. He looks like his daddy.
9. FRENCH RAP: I recently renewed my interest in French language hip-hop music. Between that and all the podcasts I listen to at work, I feel like my brain absorbs so many new ideas all the time.
10. CAR TITLE: I paid off my car last week and the title arrived today. I bought the car in November 2018, refinanced it when I lost my job during the summer and now it’s mine!
I never understood why people like to give their favorite parts of their day to their employer— unless of course you are your employer then it makes sense that you use your most productive part of the day to your business.
This is the main reason I enjoy working second shift. I think the pandemic and shift toward working from home shows how out of date the 40-hour-work week of the 20th century has become.
And while I miss the mission and accomplishment of professional work, one part of warehouse employment I very much enjoy is working second shift. At the Bizzy Hizzy, they call it “midnight society” because we clock out at midnight.
I like having my mornings to enjoy the sunshine, schedule appointments and run errands— or lazily lay in bed.
At 2 pm, I pour a cup of coffee and prep for work. And after that same time, my intellectual capacity and my motivation has diminished so working at a low skill, menial task gives me a second wind.
I clock out at midnight and the world is majestic in its quiet. I look at the empty roads and darkened houses, even the silence of my own living room, and I feel peace. Whatever I chose to do, even the cats are sleepy.
I know 2020 dealt a lot of people a bad hand at cards, so to speak, and I know so many people have suffered— loved ones lost, food insecurity, unemployment, instability, break-ups.
I naively believe every year will “be a good year” or a better year… but let’s talk Turkey for a minute: I have a disability (cerebral palsy), I come from a certain socio-economic bracket that has made it difficult (but not impossible) for me to achieve long term financial stability, and my own job choices have often valued community, family and altruism over traditionally-defined middle class life.
2019 was the year I resumed my professional career after taking ten years “off” to raise my daughter. (I worked for Target for those 10 years and they gradually increased my part time hours to full time and so I opted to get paid a professional salary versus a retail wage if I were to put that many hours in.)
My husband and I separated in 2019. That was a huge change after 20 years, and it still pains me. My husband is one of the kindest people in the world, and while I still lament that we couldn’t fix our problems, the end had to come.
So what were the joys and lessons of 2020?
Let me share.
Cats. December 26, 2019 through late January 2020, the teenager trapped the feral kittens born under our neighbors porch. We kept two of them. Taming feral kittens gave us so much reward. And led to us working with FURR. Our fostering career has involved 12 kittens so far, in seven months. And I cannot tell you how much I love having babies around all the time. On days I don’t want to get out of bed, I do for them.
Birds. I met Nala on December 28, 2019 and brought her home in mid-January. By dealing with this obstinate Goffin’s cockatoo, I learned a lot of patience. And the best way to top being “a crazy cat lady” is to be the crazy cat lady with birds. And my parakeets had babies for Christmas 2020. I have three chicks that I have seen grow daily.
Professional and personal growth.I found myself crying at my desk more often than I like to admit in 2020. It became apparent by the end of January that my boss was an incredibly toxic person. At the same token, I learned so much from her that when she dismissed me during the pandemic, I could use those new skills to help a young nonprofit grow. Between my original job and my volunteer work with new nonprofits, I showcased this knowledge to steer these organizations to grants. And the success rates for grants, publication of an first-ever annual report, and various media placements throughout the Lehigh Valley was exhilarating.
Expanding family. As my faithful readers may know, I have a second teenager staying with me. This teenager has turned our lives upside down, but has shared in our joys and tribulations during the last four months. I always wanted a larger family— and I got it this year: a menagerie of birds, cats and teenagers. It’s been amazing to share our joys and traditions with someone and see my daughter react to no longer being an only child.
New attitude toward challenges. I am always the person you can count on when you need someone. So people don’t realize that I am often terrified and insecure. Being “alone” and a single custodial parent has gotten me over that. I had five months with no income and I lived on the $4500 I had in savings. I ended up in the hospital with a cat bite during that time period and it was such a great learning experience. I learned a lot about myself, my neighbors, my friends, and how amazing teenager #1 really is. And then I finally get unemployment after I get my new job at Stitch Fix. I promptly use it to pay off some of my medical bills and a few living expenses I had put on my American Express.
We will move beyond Covid. I finally got a job and three weeks in, I contract Covid-19. That whole experience was something, but again— I learned to ask friends, neighbors and family for help. And that GrubHub gift certificate I received during the summer months sure came in handy. This whole pandemic world has me mapping out whom I would recruit for my squad in a real catastrophe.
Maybe I’m just weird— but I see a lot of hope and triumph emerging from struggle. Cheers to 2021.
Last night, I hit 136 in “fixes” that I “direct-picked.” So tonight, one of my supervisors informing me that I was “kicking ass” and they hoped I would hit 152 next week.
I think they jinxed me.
But let’s start with the beginning of my day. One of the interns from ASPIRE to Autonomy asked if I could go with her to drop off an award for state senator Lisa Boscola in her Bethlehem office. I live less than 15 minutes from that office (and ironically Boscola’s communications director who was setting up the meeting lives literally across the street from me) and the intern lives about 90 minutes away.
I immediately agreed and suggested that perhaps we could do lunch to help make the long drive more worthwhile. The last time she was in the area we had discussed my favorite thrift store so instead of a formal lunch, we ate egg sandwiches from the Dunkin drive through in the car and shopped at the thrift store behind Dunkin.
She found a brand new Kutztown sweatshirt for $5. She did her undergraduate work at Kutztown and is now in their MSW program. This was quite the find.
And Lisa Boscola was charming and liked my shoes and when I told her the kittens ate my laces she asked how many kittens I had… So I mentioned my involvement with Feline Urban Rescue and Rehab.
After our 2 pm meeting, I rushed home to get to work. I received a text message that the matriarch of the Velez Familia may also be taking a job at Stitch Fix.
My performance at work was a little off, and I had trouble keeping momentum that would lead to 136 again at the end of the night. And I was achier than usual. So I ate a chocolate chip muffin on my first break and drank water and coffee in case lack of food and dehydration was the problem. We had our weekly staff meeting after the 5:30 break. I was at 64 completed fixes. I should be at 72 if I wanted to hit my numbers.
At 7:30 pm, meal break, I took two extra strength Tylenol. I was just achier than usual. Couldn’t put my finger on it. I was also spotting a bit— so could it be some sort of 40-something hormonal issue?
At 10 pm, I had some chips and green iced tea with ginseng and honey from the machine. Never used the machine before. As soon as I went back on the warehouse floor I experienced some intense intentional distress.
I rushed to the bathroom. I passed the main boss for our shift. She said something casual to me like “Hey, Angel, how are you doing?” And I blurted out, “I just have to use the bathroom.”
Now at Target, you couldn’t use the bathroom without permission and since we had just had our break not even 10 minutes before I thought there might be a reaction to my using the facilities. There was not.
As I was moving on to my next cart, my right leg started giving me trouble. I couldn’t walk on it without my knee having this sideways intense pain. This lasted about 20 minutes and my leg was weak for the rest of the night.
But somehow, by 11:50, I had reached 128. We had some computer issues early in the shift, the ten minute staff meeting, the extra bathroom trip and pain I might call a six or seven but I still got to 128.
At 11:55 pm, I clocked out.
An animal crossed the road at the intersection by the warehouse. I was the only car at the red light because of the fact that I had finished a little early. In ten more minutes, there would be a long line of cars.
“Is that a cat?” I thought.
In the illumination of my headlights, I realize it is bigger than a cat and a strange orange color one doesn’t find in a dog. It looks straight at me.
I realize that it’s a fox.
I have never seen a real, live fox before. Here we are. At midnight. Alone. In the middle of the industrial park.
Now remember I am a huge Le Petit Prince fan (I even have a tattoo) and in the book the Prince learns from the fox:
One can only truly see with the heart,
The essential is invisible to the eyes.
You are responsible forever for that which you have tamed.
The Fox in The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery
The night air hangs crisply around me as I sit on a cold stone bench listening to the marching band.
I can see every star and that amazes me since we are in town— light pollution everywhere.
I am thoroughly exhausted. I do get scared. But I still feel, even through this lonely melancholy, so much hope and thankfulness.
It’s a hard world out there right now, and I’ve been job hunting, building a business, volunteering with a local non-profit as their communications director and fostering feral kittens— in addition to parenting not one but two teenagers.
This crazy conglomeration of circumstances has brought me a great amount of joy as I try not to disappoint these teenagers, the cockatoo, or any of the 14 cats. Oh wait— that’s 13 now. We get rehome the black one and now we have 13 cats? That can’t be good.
I’ve used some of this time under the pandemic to expand my make-up looks.
And my lack of steady income has led me to search for the best bargains possible… Got this toilet paper at CVS for $3.61.
And as the days turn cold, I found my favorite tunic nightgown and whipped out my witch socks.
In the midst of this I think of all the friends who’ve lent a helping hand… the former work colleague who sent $20 and said “do something for yourself,” the college friend who sent a random check, my estranged husband who brought over groceries when I needed them, the new friend who gave me a $25 Dunkin gift card and showed me how to apply for food stamps, the friend who emptied her cupboards, the friend who waxed my brows and did my nails…
And I am so grateful.
My food stamps came in, and tomorrow I planned to go grocery shopping.
And much to my surprise another benefactor came forward today.
These will pay for what food stamps won’t— soap, garbage bags, cat food, cat litter, maybe even a rotisserie chicken. And I won’t have to wait for $9 in Extra Bucks, a 40% off coupon, and a manufacturer coupon to go get toilet paper.
I think about my job hunt (I have three pre-interview kind of situations happening this week. Interviewing in Covid is a weird combo of essay tests, screening questions, phone calls and video chats.)
And I’ve been touring office spaces with ASPIRE to Autonomy so seeing their vision become a reality makes me happy.
I have five interns that report to me now… I love seeing them grow.
And I have a new marketing client. Most of our work together will probably be in trade as she is starting a new small business.
I still feel like something good is on the horizon.
I am a big believer that things tend to sort themselves out and some things the universe takes care of.
I got up at 6:15 a.m., tending to my four cats; then I turned my attention to the four new 3-pound fosters in the Roman Pride, trapped by Feline Urban Rescue and Rehab.
They had did a number on the crate. I let them out to roam the small mud room while I prepped their breakfast and decided what to do. YouTube: Roaming Fosters
Today was the first Wilson Warrior home football game, and the teens had to hustle and bustle to get there. I did not get a ticket because of my commitment to get the Greeks to PetSmart for kitten adoption day.
I got the Roman kittens corralled into their crate and the teenager #1 situated their litter and gave some of them a little bath since they ended up sitting in poop.
Ah, the joys of babies.
By some miracle the teens got to the game on time dragging instruments, one gallon thermal jugs, masks, uniforms, lunches and goodness knows what else!
I came home and gulped down a quick cup of coffee with my neighbor before hanging kitten blankets on the laundry line (Hmmmm…. as a kitten foster for a non-profit does that make laundry and dishwashing expenses partially tax deductible?)
Ah, the joys of babies.
I went up to the teenager’s room to grab Zeus and Apollo of the Greek Pride and take them to PetSmart. (Video: Off to PetSmart)
Forget rodeos with bulls and cowboys, kitten wrangling should be a sport or at least count as aerobic exercise. Seriously, how many calories does that burn?
Ah, the joys of babies.
As I arrive, I get a text. No adoption fair today. But at the same time, a mom with the sweetest sleepy baby boy expressed disappointment that there are no kittens today.
I just happen to have two.
Within seconds, we are standing at register three cuddling Zeus. The woman I am speaking to wants a female kitten for her family as their large dog passed away I believe three months ago.
She starts to consider asking her husband to adopt both kittens. But she’s not sure it will fly. He comes in and holds Zeus. They both scritch scritch Apollo.
They take the information I share with them and I hope— pretty pretty please— that they consider Zeus or her and her brother.
If you are reading this lovely people with two sons…
In the end, you need to follow your instincts on what is best for your family but… if I can persuade you…
Four Reasons Why Two (Sibling) Kittens are Better Than One
They have never been an only cat. They only know life as part of their litter. They will cry less and the transition will be less frightening if they are together.
They entertain each other. Kittens can get bored and/or lonely, and if they have a sibling they will attack each other instead of your furniture or your houseplants.
They have a bond like human siblings that will entertain you. When they play it will be no holds barred. If one is sleeping, the other has no issue walking up and biting him in the butt just because. They sleep in a pile. Get enough kittens and you can’t tell where one starts and the next begins. They communicate with each other, which is heart warming.
If they look alike— and Zeus and Apollo have only minor differences— you can have fun confusing friends, family and neighbors.