I went to the dentist on Tuesday.

I switched dentists last year after an approximately 35-year run with my former dental practice. I met the owner of that practice as a teenager when she had first graduated from dental school and moved with her when she opened her own practice. I stayed with her her entire career and when she retired and sold the practice… I found a dentist closer to home.

In May 2011, when I was finishing my second bachelor’s degree at Lafayette College, I was walking home from taking Eva to school when I tripped and fell about three houses away from home. My chin was the only thing to hit the sidewalk. I was bleeding profusely and spit out a tooth, so I immediately called the dentist.

Fun fact: This blog started in 2013. So none of this adventure exists online. I cracked several teeth, learned that the one I spit out was only half a tooth and that the other half was still in my mouth, and that I needed stitches in my chin. And that the dentist’s staff was very impressed I had not broken my jaw.

I remember that fall like it was yesterday.

I didn’t eat solid food for six weeks after that fall, surviving on yogurt and soup and smoothies. Darrell and I made the most amazing cheesesteak soup, where we seasoned tomato soup to taste like savory sauce on a cheesesteak, added the appropriate cheeses and Darrell sliced cheesesteak meat razor-thin so I did not have to chew it. Here is the recipe.

After my final filling to my damaged teeth and my weeks of tooth repair, the family and I went to Red Robin where I ordered the chicken salad sandwich on croissant. Still soft. And I spit out my brand-new filling.

I think that is the same tooth that my dentist wants to crown now– and if it is, it’s the same tooth they were never able to get a filling in until the dentist who took over at my old dentist. He insisted he could repair it, and he did. But it was painfully sensitive for months afterward. And that experience was one reason why I decided to find a new dentist.

Before this fall, I had great teeth, and a trauma dentist told me my strong, healthy teeth prevented worse damage with the fall, and that I was very lucky.

But I don’t exactly like going to the dentist now.

And now some of those repairs from almost 15 years ago need repairs. And I don’t want any more crowns. I have one crown on a back molar and an implant crown, both from the fall.

The suggested repairs will cost me out of pocket about $500.

The repairs were caused by my mobility disability. Society doesn’t often consider the associated risks of disability. Or how everyday occurances, like a brief bout with high blood pressure, can impact us in a different way. High blood pressure can change your balance, and my balance is already compromised. Exercise is good, and walking is a great way to have low impact exercise, but when you are a fall risk, walking can be dangerous.

I used to weight train. I spent a lot of money at a local gym, and I loved every minute. Physical therapy is expensive, so the gym was cheaper. But life changed and I don’t go to the gym. The changes in my body have been proportional to my lack of full-body strength training.

I called the physical therapy office last week as I now have an active referral, have hit my $3,500 deductible (for the second time this year, but that’s another story) and am not that far from my out-of-pocket max. But the physical therapy schedulers have not called me back.

If they do– do I schedule physical therapy and hope the co-insurance doesn’t bankrupt me? Do I fix my body or my teeth? And not to mention, I’m in the pipeline now for an appointment with neuropsychiatry– what if insurance claims that’s not medically necessary? What if it’s a choice between my teeth, my body or my mind?

Sure, every medical professional out there thinks their specialty is the most important, but as a disabled woman with limited income I have to make choices every day that balance how much energy and how many financial resources I have against the item most detrimental to my health.

And sometimes teeth that should be fixed don’t top that list.

And those teeth wouldn’t need fixing if I didn’t have cerebral palsy.