Ruminations on a fall

It’s been a month this time– since my last entry and since my last fall. I wasn’t going to share this fall. I wanted to keep it to myself because it’s circumstances were mortifying enough. No need to share with the world.

But then a friend fell down the stairs. And I sent my regards, asked how she was feeling, and we had a conversation about the mental toll falls take.

I fall a lot.

Before my fall in July, I was thinking to myself, “It’s been about six months.” And I felt smug. And just now I went to my phone where my watch records hard falls and I manually enter the smaller one and I realized… for most of 2025, I have had a fall worthy of noting just about every month. And that “six months” I had in my mind– it was two months.

It felt like a lifetime.

Here’s the thing…

When something happens and a person falls, that person knows why it happened, brushes themselves off, and goes about their business. But when a scary fall happens… Well, maybe you just misjudged or your balance was off or your body didn’t do what you expected it to do… It’s not about injury. It’s about your body failing you.

It’s a special mind game when you can no longer trust your body.

Most people will experience this type of fall in their lifetime, and most of us will have more than one instance. Falls can often be the first sign that something is off.

It could be as simple as being tired, the kind that comes from not sleeping well or working too hard.

It could be blood pressure fluctuations or allergies impacting the sinuses.

It could be the failure of a certain muscle or neurological dysfunction.

And sometimes it could be a simple trip because your body couldn’t compensate as quickly as it needed to. (Or your eyesight failed and you didn’t see something you should have.)

These falls are terrifying. The mental anguish is more confusing and painful that the bruises or lacerations. The embarrassment, especially if you fall doing something simple, is so crushing.

My recent fall?

It barely left a mark on me. But, if I’m honest, it still reverberates through me even today, five days later.

Now, if you are reading this you probably know me or you’ve read some of my stuff before. I have a lot of eclectic interests so I’m not going to assume you’re here for or familiar with my disability content. But if you don’t know, I have diplegia spastic cerebral palsy, and I spend a good deal of my life as a fall risk.

I run a small publishing company putting out 10-12 books a year. I help freelance clients with their own book projects. I cover my county for a local political newsletter run by former staffers of our local daily newspaper. I write horror novels. And as of this fall, I am teaching a three-credit class at Northampton Community College.

But sometimes that’s not enough to pay the bills. So I have a part-time job in the evening.

And I fell at that job on Friday night.

In front of a LOT of people. But not one of my co-workers or supervisors saw, so that made me feel super vulnerable and invisible. On top of mortified.

And my daughter is livid, ranting about how I shouldn’t have been in a position alone where that could happen.

I’ve been under some stress, and my blood pressure has been all over the place with no logic. Allergies have been terrible. Some weeks I sleep decently, but last week I did not.

I walked about 3,000 steps in the 90 minutes before I fell, about 3.75 hours into a 4.5 hour shift. So I was certainly tired.

And even though I know and understand that I have falls, it still shakes me to the core when I have one. So, I can only imagine what it feels like when it’s not something that happens to you.

In other news, I may need to do a cat update soon. Our 14-year-old tripod cancer survivor is scheduled for euthasia Tuesday. This is the second cat I have lost in two months.

A visit to Boonton, N.J.

Almost two months.

I sat down a few times to write a post and never finished.

In the last two months:

  • I celebrated my 50th birthday.
  • My personal cat of five years died suddenly.
  • My daughter turned 21 years old.
  • I spit out part of a tooth, one that I originally damaged during my big fall 15 years ago.

Even though we have other animals, and even other cats, in the house, the loss of Fog has troubled me. That’s been hard. It creates a special loneliness to have other pets around but none of them are truly mine. Now the bird would beg to differ, she would say that she is the ultimate companion and that I should have no other beasts before her. And perhaps that makes me her pet. For larger birds are even worse than cats for acting like they are the most superior of species.

Yesterday, my dear friend (and Parisian Phoenix art director) Gayle and I went to Boonton, N.J., to see if we could find the remnants of their portion of the Morris Canal.

We failed. And while I was there (specifically somewhere around point 10 on the map), I spent a few minutes studying the map to make our visit more successful, but the summer sun perhaps made it more difficult to interpret the map. I may have to return and try again.

So, Why Boonton?

I wanted to visit Boonton for several reasons. I had been discussing and researching the Morris Canal as part of my work with Maryann Ignatz, the fourth-generation proprietor of Steve’s Café/ Historic Morris House on South Main Street in Phillipsburg, N.J. Her family’s business abutted the Morris Canal and canal workers would stop for food and drink along the way.

Reason 1. I have a fascination with canals and the Industrial Revolution in the United States. The coal regions in Pennsylvania were so instrumental in feeding the cities from Philadelphia to New York. Think of all the petroleum reliance we have today– and in this era as electricity was just coming onto the scene the indsutrial sector used coal to produce steam to provide energy for travel and manufacturing.

Reason 2. I was born in Boonton and some of my family used to live there.

How the visit went

Parking is super easy and plentiful with a $1 fee to park all day. If you use ParkMobile, the fee is $1.30 and gets you exactly 24 hours.

I fell before we got fully out of the parking lot.

(But it was my first fall since April! And it didn’t register on my watch which means it wasn’t a hard fall. The impact was relatively gentle.)

Loved the Van Gogh paint job

The downtown had at least four coffee shops, some art galleries, several gyms/pilates/yooga studios, a record store, an alternative clothing shop, a bookstore (which is only open Friday, Saturday and Sunday), pizza places, convenience stores, a crystal store, a Mexican restaurant in what appears to be a classic diner, and other businesses and restaurants.

We meandered along the Rockaway River and found a couple of the spots listed on the map, but somehow completely missed that we should have explored Plane Street.

After exploring parks and looking for historical markers for about 1.5 miles, we visited Catfight Coffee– chosen for its name of course. It offered Goth-inspired decor and music from the dark end of the 1990s. ‘

The final thing we noticed was The Dog Days of Summer project. Various dog sculptures lined the downtown.

Well… That’s a first

Every week, usually during the weekend, I walk down to my local CVS. It’s about a half mile away, and between my daughter and I, we usually have a prescription to retrieve. And if you buy items at CVS regularly, it triggers a variety of digital coupons that can have a domino effect and yield good deals.

Today I had about $5 in ExtraBucks, plus a $2 off a $12 purchase, plus some digital manufacturer coupons in the CVS app, and some product-specific CVS coupons that I planned to add to a 30% your full-price purchase coupon.

I bought a 90 count of Total Home kitchen trash bags (which were similar in price to a 100 bag box at Target), plus eight-gallon trash bags that were expensive for the number of bags in the box. BUT– I had a $5 off $15 coupon for Total Home trash liners AND the 30% total full-price purchase coupon, and the $20 box of 13-gallon bags would guarantee I hit the minimum after the 30% reduction.

Eva needed large bandages and some first aid cream, which was also full price. My bill came to about $43 and after coupons and discounts was $20.31.

On the walk home, I stumbled walking up my least favorite hill. I could feel my feet dragging but just didn’t have the strength to fight them. Here’s the odd thing– I lost my balance because my toes were dragging upward along the sidewalk. My arms went out, and normally at this point I do a bit of a corkscrew roll to minimize the damage as I attempt to fling myself onto grass.

But today something very unusual happened.

I recovered my balance. My hands hit the ground, but my body bent more like a hinge instead of crashing into the concrete. I didn’t even scrape my palms. I bent; I stood up. I walked home.

Never in my life have I recovered my balance once I put out my hands and braced for the fall.

Never. Ever.

Now, when I got up this morning, I gave myself a stern talking to because I did not go to 8:30 a.m. Boot Camp with Greg at Apex, my favorite local private gym. My back hurt and I was groggy and a host of other excuses. So I made myself promise that I would walk to CVS.

I need to do some straight leg deadlifts and other exercises for my back and legs but I’m not that motivated yet. And I stumbled at home trying to walk around the vacuum cleaner at the bottom of the stairs (Eva got a new vacuum cleaner, well, her third of the same model) and tripped after the CVS trip over a huge cardboard box right in front of my eyes. But neither led to a fall. Let me repeat, neither led to a fall.

I’m having more leg, hip and knee pain than usual, perhaps due to the dampness, the rain and the drop in temperature. Who knows?

I checked my phone and before I left for CVS in the first place my walking asymmetry spiked to 36% and before and after the near-miss fall registered at 2%. Now, let me reiterate (as my favorite doctor would say) that these phone figures are far from precise or even scientific, but they do seem to accurately reflect trends in my gait. My fall risk/walking steadiness consistently gets classified as “okay.”

But when you look at the last six months, you can see a drop. And while both are still within the range for “okay,” I wonder about it.

And for the record, last night, at my four-hour shift for my very part-time job that has somehow become 23 hours a week (thanks to some staffing issues and I can understand that), I worked at least five different positions.

I did some standing still, then a lot of walking around across a nice stretch of distance, and then I stood still some more until 2.5 hours into my shift, I was asked to cover a break delivering food inside the restaurant. At the beginning of that change, twice over the first five minutes, the asymmetry registered as seven percent. Did I notice it? No. Did it happen beyond those two instances? No. And after that 30 minutes, I went back to a position where I primarily stood still but also did a lot of stocking which meant moving to various storage locations and lifting boxes of various weights.

And the pace of the restaurant means my heart rate is usually between 120-130 for my whole shift. I noticed last night it reached 172 bpm. That’s my maximum heart rate at my age! My heart is supposed to be physically incapable of doing more than 170 bpm.

As I promised my doctor, I have been taking my allergy medicine, watching my blood pressure and taking the appropriate prescriptions and taking my baclofen. I’ve been good about taking at least 10 mg before my shifts.

PS– the anecdotal evidence is mounting that the Twinings Sleep + vanilla and cinnamon tea with melatonin not only tastes like a baked good, but it also increases the amount of deep sleep I get. I will still keep Traditional Medicinals Valerian in my rotation, but Twinings is a definite win.

PPS– I ate almost a whole can of salt & vinegar Pringles last night and gained a pound overnight. And because of how Omada measures your success as an average of the whole week, they have my weight listed as 163.5. It was 161.5 yesterday and 162.5 today.

The Day the Garbage Trucks Swarmed

My shift at the restaurant Thursday evening went much easier than Wednesday— though I couldn’t bend and reach the floor and I took a lot of Baclofen.

And my left hand strangely hurt last night in the fifth metatarsal, in the same spot where I broke my right hand what had to be a decade or more ago.

Today I slept until 8 a.m. when my Goffin’s cockatoo, Nala, screamed, probably concerned that I died in my sleep.

I stripped my bed, started laundry, drank some coffee and used household chores as my warmup for a home workout. (After clearing my business email and banking stuff.)

The scale showed another pound gone. Soon I might hit the ten-pound mark.

Nothing like 30 or 40 pound cat litter boxes to practice farmer’s carry. And five trips up and down the stairs gets the heart rate up.

I did a pretty solid shoulder workout today, 22 minutes of just weights— including push press, dumbbell row, shoulder lateral raise.

Did some more wash, handled some more email and spoke with one of the Parisian Phoenix authors about a presentation we have been invited to give at Hellertown Library.

I did the dishes, started cooking some chicken livers for the dog, and made myself a big salad with lots of carrots.

I went to Panera for a while to work on my background material for the stories I am writing for Armchair Lehigh Valley regarding the May 20 primary.

And I got my schedule from the restaurant— 4 days in a row and 22 hours. I messaged my boss on Slack to warn her that that may be a struggle for me. She hired me so quickly I never had a chance to tell her about my cerebral palsy. She hired me to work 10-12 hours a week in the dining room, so I didn’t think I would have to.

But here I am, working 20+ hours all over the place.

I wasn’t sure how to bring it up, and I feel it’s better to do these things in person, but at least on Slack there’s a paper trail.

It turned out to be a great conversation. One we will continue in person. As I suspected, she’s short-staffed and I can really use the money so I didn’t want to complain.

Eva picked me up and we stopped at Grocery Outlet. And as soon as we got home, three garbage trucks swarmed us and our house.

I made a vegetable lovers DiGiorno thin crust pizza and split it with Eva and watched some more of The Pitt. Then I came up to make my bed, clean litter boxes, feed the bird, and get the cats water before my shower.

Now it is almost 8 p.m. and I plan to read until I am sleepy.

Yesterday was hard

I don’t want to write this. I am tired and I want to go to bed and pray that I am not in too much pain to sleep. I won’t post it until tomorrow (Hence referring to today as yesterday in the title.)

Nothing bad happened. It was just a bad day physically, and it’s been a long time since a day hit me this hard.

I need to write about it though, because I am under strict instructions from my doctor to pay attention and note anything unusual because she’s heard some of my symptoms and said that if I were any other patient I’d be going for tests.

And if I don’t write this blog, I will forget today was a bad day physically.

It started nicely enough. Visted Nancy Scott and noticed then that climbing the stairs felt more stiff than usual.

Ate decently. Tried a sample meal replacement bar for breakfast and ate a HUGE brunch of potato, broccoli, multi color peppers, egg and feta. Had two pieces of licorice and a whole bunch of unsweetened and barely caffeinated tea.

I noticed while changing into my work uniform that my knuckles felt achy and weak and like I was about to injure my middle finger as I did with my mallet finger/sock incident of 2022. (If you want to read more about my mallet finger, click here.) This sensation returned again at the end of the night before I showered.

I took 10 mg of baclofen. In the morning, I took five.

Left for work at 1:30. So here’s the big reveal– in addition to my publishing company, I took what was supposed to be a very part-time job at Chick-Fil-A. My reasons for selecting that particular job were very specific. That might be a good topic for another post.

Once I arrive, I grab some Coke Zero. I usually stick to unsweetened iced tea or seltzer while I’m at the restaurant, but tonight I needed something a little extra. The back of my right thigh is spasming.

I started my shift running people their food inside the restaurant. It’s not my strongest position, but I like the movement. Then, I went to the drive-thru window for an hour, before I went back to running. My legs felt very heavy and clumsy the whole time.

Then, I went on break. And I ate a fruit cup. Everything still felt hard to move.(I walked a total of 15,000 steps today and two hours of my shift registered as exercise on my Apple Watch.) While outside I started stumbling, and twice I almost pelted some cars with bags of food.

And it was cold outside! Then, the icy rain started. Eventually, I got a poncho, and after about two hours I went inside and washed my hands for five straight minutes trying to get them warm again. At this point, my lower half hurts and I can’t bend and reach the floor.

And one of my supervisors accidentally clocks me in the cheekbone with his elbow. Hard.

I finally leave, and my phone alerts me that my heart rate is high. It hovered around 120-135 most of my shift. It usually does.

My toe hurts– not sure if I’m getting a blister or the toe I almost broke or the neuroma giving me trouble.

I came home, showered and made myself some food. And took 20 mg of baclofen. Making my grand total for the day 35 mg. I think. My blood pressure is also trending upward, at 112/78.

My phone says my average walking asymmetry for the day was 2.5 percent, but I noticed there was a lot of asymmetry. Often when my numbers are bad, they are a lot higher but only happen once. This was happening frequently. It looks like it was happening a dozen times an hour.

So, I came home wet, cold, stumbling and hurting.

I record this now to improve my memory of what the bad days feel like.

“Make Good Decisions”

I visited my neurologist/physiatrist yesterday for my four-month follow-up. Four months ago she recommended I join the Thrive medical fitness program with the hospital network. I met with her in November to discuss how I could move forward with exercise and strength training; I was scared that I would hurt myself working out alone.

According to her records, I lost six pounds! She was very happy to hear about and see for herself the gains I’d made in my strength. She reminded me that I was still “young enough” to keep making gains, whereas at a certain point the aging process makes it so that all we can do is maintain our strength.

I told her about my bumpy February, complete with several unexplained falls. She has some concerns about this, concerns that are mitigated by my fall-free March. I told her my theory that the change of seasons and sinus “stuff” might impact my balance– referring to my serious falls of March 2023– and reporting that I had not resumed taking my allergy medicine after a winter hiatus.

There are some other signs, some dealing with episodic urge incontinence and a recent bout of constipation, the strange weakness and sensations in my fingers, and my typical hyperreflexia that could suggest an issue with my spinal cord in my neck. So if anything changes or becomes more persistent, I have to let her know immediately and not “downplay” it. She referred to me as one of those patients who is “a trooper” and just keeps going.

So she wrote in my after visit summary as my main instruction to “make good decisions.”

How many of us could curtail a lot of our health problems if we followed that advice?

My next steps will be to focus on working out and continuing my progress with strength training and weight loss, reduce caffeine intake, and improve my cardiofitness. My next appointment is scheduled for the day after my cardiologist appointment, so hopefully I will have some positive trends to report to both of them.

My neurologist also made me promise that when I get my service dog, she gets to meet him/her sooner rather than later.

Balance Assessment at Susquehanna Service Dogs

About three years ago, Eva– my daughter, in the beginning of her career as a pet caregiver and dog trainer– said she wanted to train me a service dog. She wanted something to babysit me once she left home or when I was home alone.

She showed me some videos and I did some research and thought she had a point. When she leaves home, I will be a 50-something woman living alone with a history of falls and accidents. The presence of a dog in my life would keep me active and prevent spasticity issues, improve my gait as a dog’s gait never falters, and perform small tasks like bringing me my phone or picking items off the floor.

I have no doubt that with the right puppy and the time, Eva could train a service dog. But I suggested that for our first experience in the realm of service dogs, we should apply to an official service dog program.

Working with a program would teach us how the dogs are trained, give us support, guarantee good breeding and the physical fitness of the dog, and have some added legitimacy should people question my dog’s work.

Now there are no rules that prevent individuals from training their own service dogs. I think this is why one can encounter a variety of “fake” service dogs doing public access work. [I saw two service animals in the same restaurant this week. One looked like a well-trained Labradoodle with a handler who wasn’t cognizant of her surroundings. The Labradoodle was lying across the main floor area of the restaurant and not tucked under a table. The second was a small dog, perhaps some sort of schnauzer who barked and begged and whined and scratched at its owner’s leg for food the entire time. So, either that handler was having a medical emergency and the dog’s alerts were being ignored or the dog was not properly trained. A working dog should not make noise in public and it should not be distracted by food.]

I understand that training a dog with an agency or a professional trainer is expensive, but people who insist on using dogs for public access that are not properly trained make life harder for those people who have working dogs that don’t misbehave. Improperly trained dogs with public access are the dogs more prone to cause an incident with another dog.

And once I pay for my dog– which will take ALL of my savings– if that dog is attacked or threatened while working in public, that could impact its ability to do its job in the future. My dog might become afraid and unable to focus on its job. So I will have invested all of my money in a dog that won’t leave the house.

In the United States, there are no rules or governing agencies that regulate service dogs. There are, however, rules about what people can ask to a handler of a service dog– Does this dog do work that mitigates your disability? What tasks does the dog do? That’s it.

I have chronicled my service dog adventures on this blog. Here are most of the entries. (I am also working on a disability memoir.) There’s a lot to the process. My dog will be a light mobility dog.

They say the average placement takes four years start-to-finish. We filled out the application with Susquehanna Service Dogs in Summer 2022. I went to their facility and had an interview, fill out a survey of my life and health every six months, did an assessment while working with a dog where they recorded me, brought Eva with me to do public access work in a mall, passed a home visit, collaborated with a case worker to develop a plan of what my dog would actually need to do, and now yesterday, I went back to the facility with Eva for a balance assessment.

They had a mobility professional join us– I believe she was a physical therapist– and I worked with the dog and showed them how I get up off the floor and answered questions about my life and recent fall history. I love when Eva can come because she can tell them her insights. Apparently, she was annoyed because physically I was having a good day yesterday.

I worked with Captain. What we learned was that my dog will need to walk on my right. The dogs are trained to walk on the left, but when the dog is on my left I struggle to walk in a straight line. When the dog is on my right, my posture and ambulation is much more natural.

We also decided that my dog will be guided by a leash, versus a strap or a mobility harness. A mobility harness is rigid and has the most feedback between human and dog. In the photos, I am using a red strap on the far right. The strap was okay, and it’s an intermediary step between the harness and the leash, but it didn’t feel natural. (And the benefit of using leash only is that it gives the dog more freedom and space to get out of the way when I fall. Some dogs are trained to do things when a handler starts to fall, but I want my dog out of the way.)

It also seems like I’m at the proper place in the timeline. The next step: When they have a group of dogs that are flexible enough to work on the right and the right size to work with me, I will get to meet them. It might take a few meetings to find the right dog. Once the right dog is selected and assigned, I believe they will do any specialized training while boarding on site and then I go to their facility for a three-week training session.

The dog itself has to be two-years-old and fully grown and cleared by a veterinarian before entering the work force. Moibility dogs have some of the hardest and most physical jobs out there for service dogs.

The close-out of my medical fitness program

Monday is my last session as part of the Thrive medical fitness program at St. Luke’s. Working with the trainers in the program has reminded me of some hard truths– and the part that’s hard is the reality of your own habits and thinking patterns.

The numbers show some nice progress. I lost four pounds of fat and gained one pound of muscle. (And had I eaten better imagine what those numbers could have been.) My blood pressure according to their records has stayed the same, but based on my home readings has gone down and requires less medication. The strength-based tests– well, I kicked butt.

I certainly feel better, and stronger, though I still have work to do on my cardiofitness. That won’t really improve until I commit to more cardiovascular exercise, even if it is just walks around the neighborhood. I would love to return to riding my bike again, but there’s a fear factor there. It’s an activity I don’t want to do alone, which is also true of walking.

But here are the lessons:

  • When my body hurts and locks up, strength-training stretches all those muscles and gets rid of the pain.
  • I can only lose about a pound a week if I eat well and exercise at least three times a week. Diet alone won’t do it. And my food choices don’t have to be perfect but they have to be solid.
  • Salt is my nemesis. Too little and I experience orthostatic hypotension and lightheadedness, too much and I end up with as much as five pounds water weight.
  • I must be choosy about my fast food. Domino’s or Little Caesars pizza will put me in a coma, and I will sleep so well, but the impact will show on my heart rate, blood pressure and weight. Wing Stop has no benefits, only the effects of the salt. I now keep various processed chicken products in the freezer because while they are not a wholesome choice, I can make my own sauces to replicate Wing Stop and save the truly detrimental health effects. Taco Bell in small doses can be tolerated, and I usually get a cheap box deal and make the items all vegetarian. It adds some extra fiber and vegetable matter to the mix.
  • And out of all the fast food chains– I can navigate the menu at Chick-Fil-A and not notice any real impact. Their fruit cup and kale crunch salad, especially when paired with grilled nuggets, are solid choices. They also have a chicken (or vegetarian) cool wrap, which, while it is calorie dense, is easy and quick to eat– with a good portion of lettuce and cabbage. (Yes, they also have amazing salads, but those big salads are realistically three portions. That’s a lot of salad and chicken. A lot.)

Do I have the discipline to not only continue but improve upon this progress? I don’t know. Honestly. IF I made a commitment to meal planning and cooking, I could. But with money and time always an issue, I don’t know. With stress leading me to seek comfort in my favorite foods– did you know they have Sour Patch Kid Jelly Beans? Eva says they flipped Sour Patch Kids inside out… With fatigue influencing my choices– caffeine and sugary carbohydrates, anyone?

Will I get up in the morning, drink a glass of water, and commit to some sort of exercise in my home gym?

Damned if I know.

Stay tuned.

The Ups and Downs of February

Lately, I’ve felt like nothing about my life is out-of-the-ordinary or interesting. Maybe that’s true, maybe it’s not.

But this week has been a humdinger. On Monday night, I came home from my supplementary part-time job (because as I’ve heard other people phrase it, “Winter is a hard time for small business” and I found what I think might be an awesome 10-hour-a-week job for me– if my body can handle it). I took a few Tylenol PM because my body was aching and I hadn’t used that particular medication in a long time. But, it’s spring kinda-sorta, and I haven’t been consistent with any antihistamines so I choked on the damn pills because of the allergy-related mucus.

Now, that’s not the end of the world, except I managed to recoil away from the bathroom sink and hit my face on the wooden shelf we use as a cabinet. I hit right along the cheekbone and it hurt like heck and managed to leave a narrow bruise almost parallel to my nose.

Now– some update/backstory as I move forward here– I am two months in to my three-month program at St. Luke’s medical fitness program Thrive. I have worked with several of the trainers (Alex, Claudia, Jim) and I can feel a difference since I returned to the gym. And this week I trained with Alex after several weeks primarily with Jim and Alex noticed I needed to up a bunch of my weights and he’s looking into changing my program.

Jim taught me some stretches for my IT band, because I’ve been having some new issues with spasms in that region, and my chiropractor had determined during our visit Wednesday that I had locked up my right knee. That’s totally new.

My blood pressure and heart rate has been weird. My heartrate has been high at random periods and at one point on Monday it dropped from 120 to 60 and went back up to 130 which could be a sign of afib. And then my blood pressure would come in at 120/65, which normally my blood pressure is 115/70 or 95/65 and now it’s blending the two.

I really have the feeling that to keep my weight and blood pressure under control I have to be very meticulous about what I eat. I am still struggling with that same five pounds. If I do my strength training and my workouts, walk at least 5,000 steps a day, and eat what a lot of people would call “clean” foods, I can lose weight and keep my blood pressure low (with an occasional salty snack when it dips too low). But even if I skip a workout, the weight comes back. It got so frustrating– that nothing ever changes– that I stopped tracking in my fancy fitness journal. And if I’m discouraged now, what happens in April when my program ends?

Thursday evening I had another great workout with Alex. I was mentioning that it had been almost two years to the day since I had my afib incident. I’m really starting to wonder if the change in the weather, and allergies, has something more to do with all this.

Thursday night I came home, showered, and went to bed, only to discover that one of the household cats was in my room and did not want to be. So I got up to let her out. And when I turned to get back into bed I don’t know if I tripped over something or if I misjudged where the space was to walk, but I fell.

Onto a stainless steel litter box.

Hard.

I took a photo of the bruise on the back of my knee today (it’s Sunday) and it’s blurry because it’s at a strange angle. I have another on my arm, that one’s less vivid but bigger.

On Friday, I did a lot of work for Parisian Phoenix Publishing and even agreed to pick up some extra hours Saturday night at the part-time job. Then, I had a really nice business meeting to brainstorm some strategy for 2025 and that included a beer and some wings (and some really yummy thin Triscuits. I had never had thin Triscuits before).

But then Saturday, I woke up with some sort of gastrointestinal issue. It didn’t seem severe enough to be a stomach bug, but I couldn’t come up with any food items that would have given me food poisoning. So I found someone to cover my shift and slept most of the day (and read Fourth Wing when I was awake).

Because I barely moved yesterday my body is painfully protesting walking. My lower body muscles don’t receive messages from my brain like they are supposed to, that’s due to the cerebral palsy. When I have a lazy day like I did yesterday, my legs literally forget what to do. There will be stretching today.

And it’s interesting that I think spring might have something to do with the stuff that keeps happening in March– because March is Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month.

Fitness update

I have completed SIX workouts as part of the St. Luke’s Thrive medical fitness program with trainer Alex who will be starting his Ph.D. program in physical therapy this summer. I have attended and completed one boot camp workout at Apex Training, the gym where I trained regularly from Summer 2020 to March 2024.

I have tried to start taking my supplements again: multivitamin, calcium + D, iron, and zinc. I have increased my daily step goal AND my dosages of my muscle relaxer.

Hopefully soon I will start using my home gym, see some consistent weight loss, and start taking the dog for a walk regularly.

And now, for the past week, I have struggled to keep my blood pressure UP.

I met Alex at the gym today for a 7 a.m. workout. He had the early shift so he started at 5 a.m. and I had my butt on the treadmill by 6:45 a.m. We did a pull workout today. I didn’t have as much flexibility as I do later in the day but for the first time in a week I am looser and more mobile after the workout. Typically, I am sore and achy and want to sleep for a week.

The push workouts hit me harder than the pull workouts.

Alex thinks we’ve hit the muscle memory plateau– he’s commented during my last couple workouts that I have jumped weights amazingly fast, that he has never seen someone progress that quickly. I tried to warn him, but I guess seeing it with his own eyes still impressed him. But now we’re getting in the neighborhood of my old weights and he’s seeing me struggle more.

It’s a riot that I can do bicep curls with 15 pounds on each arm but I’ll want to cry if I have to walk across the room with a resistance band around my thighs. Ah, the dichotomy of diplegia spastic cerebral palsy.

But I have also noticed that A. There is a lot of people hanging out at the gym early in the morning and B. There are some old ladies lifting HEAVY weights. Good for them! Go, Ladies!

I’m thinking more and more about long-term habits and choices and how I will keep myself engaged.