I hate the nerves of getting dressed, trying not to spill coffee on myself, picking shoes that I won’t trip over, worrying about traffic or getting lost or sticking my foot in my mouth.
But on the good ones…
I leave feeling empowered, confident and excited. Regardless of whether the employer decides to hire you or not, a good job interview has the person in the chair thinking about their own skills, their history, their past. And if it’s a good company, and a good interview, a person can leave understanding more about their own value and with a clearer idea of self-worth.
Even if the company feels wrong– if you leave an interview with a better concept of what you want that is valuable. Of you see red flags and think “oh no, not working there,” that’s a sign you’re getting more sure-footed in your decision-making.
But sometimes you leave thinking you just had a good conversation with some new people, and you heard statements come out of your mouth that surprised you with their succinctness and relevance.
Those are the days you have to think, “Wow. Maybe I belong here.”
Those are the days it’s also easy to get discouraged when they say no, but it’s important to remember that culture and fit plays a very important role in choosing new employees and that there’s always a lot of people looking for jobs. So it might not be something you did.
Keep going, my friends, keep going.
And in case you are interested, I very much felt like I belonged when I went to the interview today. No doubt in my mind that I could do the job, do well at it, and grow as the opportunities came. We’ll see what happens. I wore a Calvin Klein sheath, sleeveless, very pink, princess seams, high neck, and black cowboy boots. Bold choice perhaps.
Before the pandemic, I had an office job in nonprofit development primarily as a fundraiser. I had been hired as a communications professional, and I excelled at that work. But the toxic work environment that stemmed from the head of the organization (who would normally be referred to as the executive director, but she reveled in her title as Chief Executive Officer, perhaps because she needed the ego boost to compensate for her insecurities), led to rapid and frequent staffing changes.
(This is certainly getting long-winded for where it is going. But bear with me.) I knew all of this before I accepted the job, because I had excused myself from the interview process from the same position about a decade earlier. I had turned down the opportunity because The Teenager was a preschooler and my gut warned me that this job, and this entity, would require more energy than I could give.
This time, in part because of a really awesome person hiring me, I decided to take the challenge. When the person in charge finally burned him to his breaking point, she promoted me with assurances that I would have all of the support and guidance I would need. (In her mind, that was one hundred percent true, but unfortunately, what was in her head and what her employees needed to thrive were completely at odds with each other.)
During this period, I paid close attention to my style, my accessories and my make-up. In my youth, I didn’t have the confidence to toy with these fashion topics. Then, I had a child. Then, I worked at Target. By the end of my almost-decade in red-and-khaki and food service, I had started to experiment in make-up and other touches that could allow my personality to come through despite the dress code.
As I moved into fundraising, these choices became more important. The world hates to admit this, but in any sort of business matter, appearances count. Not necessarily because you need to be pretty to succeed, but because you need to make an impression and you need to look confident, trustworthy and project the attitude that you are an expert in your arena. That’s a little different than confident.
There are two kinds of confidence in this regard. One says, “I know who I am and I like that person and we get shit done.” (That’s the confidence my former supervisor lacked.)
The second says, “No one can do this better. When it comes to this, I know my shit.” (That’s the confidence my former supervisor had so much of that I adored her. I wanted to learn her skills and knowledge, but her instability as a leader made that impossible. Her deficit in leadership and trust led her to think any way other than hers would not only never work, but destroy everything she had built, because it her mind, it was all her. And she did build it, more than 25 years ago, and sometimes things need to change after 25 years. And sometimes, her way and someone else’s way can coexist and succeed together.)
Anyway… when I accepted my current job working evening shift (“midnight society”) at the Stitch Fix Bizzy Hizzy warehouse, I wore eye make-up for the first few months, but after I got Covid, that fell away. My shift changed, changing my wake-up time to 4:15 a.m. when I was accustomed to going to bed at 2 a.m. (I miss that shift soooooooo much.) No time for make-up when you can barely wake up.
2022 required change. I launched my business (Parisian Phoenix Publishing) while still on evening shift. Evening shift was eliminated. The first week of day shift, my dad unexpectedly died. I think I got the Delta variant at my dad’s funeral. I burst my tendon removing my socks. I struggled with hip issues. We had a small flood in the house. The teenager graduated from high school. The teenager had a car accident, her first.
2022 wants to kick my ass, but I keep giving it hell. I’ve started weeding and reorganizing my wardrobe even though I’m still 25 pounds overweight. I’ve started spending time on the Stitch Fix app, combing the options and the styling ideas. (More on that here.)
And now that this very short topic is very long… I just wanted to tell you I wore jewelry today.
My ex made me this necklaceMy college roommate “Curly” bought these earrings for me Stitch Fix employee store “Bizzy Boutique”My stepmon bought me this for Christmas. The hateful leader also had one.
I attended a Zoom Meeting today with Vu Le of Nonprofit AF hosted by The Gruvin Foundation. Now I know it seems odd for a writer and communicator from the Lehigh Valley to spend time with a foundation focused on Ocean County, N.J., but I had a hunch Vu Le would have a message that transcended geography.
But before I get how right I was, let me celebrate the fact that I attended the meeting in true 2020 remote work fashion—
My Zoom Face
While below the waist, I spotted pajamas.
Let me just say that Vu Le speaks the truth and boldly proclaims what those of us who rely on traditional nonprofit institutions to employ us cannot say.
It’s time for the nonprofit sector to be bolder and more assertive.
Vu Le, Nonprofit AF
He so eloquently described what could be improved about the nonprofit sector. From the basic concepts such as fundraisers should not be judged on how much money they bring in and we should reflect upon the greatest needs in the community versus pushing our own mission.
Le advocates for a change in the ecosystem so that nonprofits stop functioning in silos and foundations and philanthropists stop generating mistrust and wasting time and resources.
For instance, Le reminds us all that GRANT PROPOSALS are a WASTE OF TIME since most never get funded. He poses the question— what if nonprofits employed the same tactics as funders?
A hungry family comes to the food pantry. Before they receive food they have to prepare the following:
Compose an essay detailing how hungry they are.
Include a logic model of exactly how all food will be used.
Prepare outcomes of how this food will benefit your children.
We don’t do that, right?
So, Le asks, why do funders do it to us?
He compares the current nonprofit environment to The Hunger Games and like the book series, he challenges those in the sector to end the game and take down the system.
Vu Le speaking, hosted by Gruvin Foundation
Some more of his simple but mind blowing, completely logical ideas to improve inequality in this country:
The “easiest” way to fix society is to elect more women of color. It’s the only way to balance the voice is old white men.
The wealthy need to pay their fair share of taxes.
Remove corporate influence from politics.
Change the two-sided narrative so it’s harder to argue.
Then he reminded us all of this fact: If most social injustice and issues that nonprofits seek to correct effect primarily people of color, why is it that typically…
Non profit boards are white
Non profit staff is white
Donors are white
So white people should allow more people of color decision-making capacity in programs to benefit them. To continue to paraphrase Le, white folks need to stop taking jobs as executive directors for programs that don’t have any impact on white people.
And if funders are only participating in philanthropy to receive the tax breaks, they need to accept that the money is no longer theirs. They need to allow those communities facing the issues at hand to make decisions on how it is spent.
And one of the best ways to promote change in the sector is to encourage funders to give general operating expense funds and let the people doing the work decide where it is needed.
Again, these ideas are not mine but belong to Vu Le of the blog “Nonprofit AF.”
I think I might have said two or three hundred times that this week was hard.
But there was some goodness between all the hard.
Our CEO got my department a mentor. Someone we all love and trust, though I am the only person in the group who doesn’t have a pre-existing relationship with this man.
My coworkers are all so super nice. My former office mate makes the Folgers in the kitchen palatable and I normally hate Folgers. He makes the coffee so strong it tastes like chocolate.
My new development partner and I are getting along great and I love her energy.
My other colleague invited me out for a drink after work. She was meeting some friends and wanted someone to keep her company so I had a lovely oatmeal stout at Pearly Baker’s.
At home, I watched the episode of Kitchen Nightmares that was filmed in Forks Township, “Bella Luna,” and saw some nice shots of Easton:
And tomorrow our favorite little dog, Sobaka, is coming to visit so for the next week we will have…
Greetings and happy Friday everyone. I am feeling bleh today. Perhaps I put in too many hours. Maybe I didn’t eat right. Maybe it’s my forty-something hormones. Maybe it’s the frequent bouts of weird insomnia.
Or all of the above!
I came home sick today from work… less than two hours early but still… in the nine months there I haven’t used any sick time because it’s just not something I do.
The morning started with my getting to work early with no reason why other than I finished everything at home.
The bitter cold was a harsh reality to my system.
And then, no lie, I step into the bathroom at work and I realize I never combed my hair!
Then my new work colleague brought in doughnuts from Wegmans because someone else more or less playfully hazed her into doing it. So even though I packed this “matcha quark” for breakfast and these weird but oh-my-god delicious nuts/trail mix for lunch, I ate a giant cinnamon roll with icing.
That didn’t quite agree with me.
All day the computers at work were acting wonky, my noon appointment stood me up, and at 1:30 I was asked by our executive director to please reprogram the phones as our director of facilities (the one who led to the donut incident) was in a meeting in another building and the phones were down.
The telephone representative called me on my cell and walked me through reprogramming our telephone system, which I did successfully. But then I still couldn’t get any computer to work.
By 2 pm I gave up, exhausted, achy, still fluttery in my stomach and unable to focus I went home and crawled in bed. Watched some Kitchen Nightmares and cuddled a bird while I drifted in and out of consciousness.
I did something I haven’t done in a while… I went to work on time. I had been going into the office an hour early every day.
I stayed home. Spent time with Nala. Packed a lovely salad for lunch. Balanced my budget. Did three days worth of dishes. Even vacuumed and cleaned the bird cages.
The teenager came home from school and did laundry.
And on top of all that, work went super well. My new colleague and I approach everything as a team. She has a strong background in non-profit development and I have a strong background in communications so we approach everything from our respective strengths.
And I think the result is ten times better than either of us could do alone.
That makes me feel so good.
I even did a pretty intense little weight training workout before my nail appointment tonight. Short but left me feeling it.
As for my nails… they are so brittle and short right now it makes me sad. But I can’t be sad because my nail polish color is happi.
If you’ve read some of this blog, you probably know that I have a relatively new job in a brand new field that is giving me tremendous potential to grow as an individual and a professional. It’s challenging and rewarding and it allows me to do some good in the world.
But in any new job there comes a learning curve and change can be exhausting. On top of my career change, my husband and I separated six months ago.
So that’s another part of my life in flux.
Last night, I went to the podiatrist as my toe has been bothering me. It’s the same toe on which I dropped a 15-pound dumbbell almost 2 years ago. I also broke that ankle 4 years ago now.
I was fairly certain I just had a blister in a weird spot that went a little wrong but with my cerebral palsy I didn’t want to take chances.
When I got to the doctor, after waiting a week to get the appointment, I realized I forgot my wallet. Luckily I had ways to pay them and my daughter texted me the information in my wallet but that stressed me.
And then the doctor trimmed my toe nails and removed all the pretty nail polish from my recent pedicure. Now I know that is something he needed to do, but it made me very very sad.
Then he prescribed me an antibiotic because it looked like the toe did have a blister, got infected, and maybe it was going to be fine but why take the chance.
So I had to go home, get my wallet, and go to CVS.
My daughter came with my and as we waited, read this joke book to me:
I laughed at a few, despite my best attempts not to.
When they built the Great Wall of China where did they go for supplies?
Wall-Mart
And then she begged for the book, and the cashier pointed out I had a 30% off coupon on my CVS card so now we own a $3 joke book.
Angel Ackerman 