The Pizza Weight Loss Plan

If you’re reading this after seeing the title and thinking I am proposing pizza as a fad diet, step away. I am joking. This is a light hearted, humorous piece about how Dominoes and Little Caesars have become my stress foods.

I can cook. I can cook well. But stress eating is a hobby of mine.

My daughter introduced me to Little Caesars as they have one pretty much across the street from her high school (and a block away from the other high school).

The pizza there is mediocre, the deep dish is pretty darn good, Crazy Bread is delicious and Im addicted to their cheesy jalapeño dip.

Now I can blame my current job for Dominoes. If our CEO orders pizza, it’s Dominoes because it’s close to the office and cheap.

When my teenager had ear tubes installed in November, she wanted pizza and I thought of Dominoes. She’d never had it before. And she found the pizza tracker extremely entertaining.

But now between the Parmesan bread bites and the seasoned crust, I’m a junky. I’ve been ordering Dominoes about once a week and Little Caesar’s about once a month.

Irony is, I’ve lost almost 3 pounds. But that’s stress. Not pizza.

Grit and getting published on The Mighty

I binge-watched Ryan O’Connell’s Special on Netflix and it resonated with me so much I wrote an essay about it for The Mighty.com, a social media platform for people with disabilities and their caretakers.

I’ve been so stressed out at work I didn’t notice they published it two weeks ago and that it was also republished on Yahoo News: My piece on Yahoo News

Today was a not a good day, but with my normal pluck and good attitude I tried. Sadly, I left work feeling like a disappointment and a failure. But I had a nice supper with a friend and my daughter.

My daughter replaced my chipped phone screen protector so I’ll no longer get bits of glass in my fingers. I have a Bodygardz protector so I ordered a replacement. I can get 1 per year at $8.

We went to the store for bagels and cream cheese and there wasn’t a bagel anywhere in the store.

The teenager and I went to the gym. I fell in the parking lot, smashed my elbow and, if you hadn’t guessed it, chipped my new phone case and screen protector.

I didn’t work out at the gym. Just cried in the locker room and came home.

Because the stress of my job, coupled with the stress of running the household by myself for the last seven months, is taking a toll. My cerebral palsy is “getting worse.”

My mind is strong, but my body is breaking.

Cuddly kittens and a fresh cup of iced tea

I can’t stand the cuteness in my house today!

I’m sitting here with Nala, my Goffin’s cockatoo, and Oz, my teenager’s big, dumb 9-year-old cat who thinks he’s a teddy bear. I just had some ring bologna for breakfast and made myself the best glass of iced tea:

This particular glass is two parts Tazo Organic Earl Grey Noir and one part Tazo Vanilla Bean Macaroon black tea.

In the crock pot, dinner is bubbling. Crockpots are the perfect cooking tools for witches. It’s a cauldron with a plug!

I made a marinade of organic apple juice, brown sugar, Briggs liquid aminos, Chinese cooking wine, fresh ginger and garlic and dropped a pork loin and some potatoes into the mix.

But wow! I totally digress. We’re hear to talk about kittens and cuteness!

Kittens and cuteness

So the teenager is with her dad and I’ve been taken care of the kittens. Fog, the last trapped member of the brood, followed Opie out of the teenager’s room. Opie is our 9-year-old cancer survivor 3-legged cat.

Fog apparently adores him.

Oz tried to join, but he was afraid of the kitten. Opie heard Oz hiss and served as bodyguard for little Fog.

Video here: Opie protecting Fog.

Now I waited as long as I could but I needed to vacuum the dining room. Even though it was in another room, Fog heard the noise and hid behind the cat tube.

Opie stayed on the ottoman as if standing guard. When I finished vacuuming, they got back on the couch together.

I was worried that Misty (short for Mistofelees) might think something happened to Fog. So I brought Misty to the porch.

Misty wasn’t as enthused. But Fog stayed with Opie.

You can’t really see it, but they are touching.

Household update

The kittens still eat as if they don’t know when their next meal will be.

I gave Nala a shower today to evaluate the extent of her plucking. She spent most of the day with me. I even let her have a small piece of Cool Ranch Dorito. She liked that.

I went to Petco and used my $10 off $30 coupon. Bought Nala a perch she hopefully can’t eat and some more parrot food.

I worked myself to exhaustion doing chores today. And had a big bag of Doritos and two slices of ring bologna for dinner.

I did chores all day and the house doesn’t seem cleaner. It still looks gross.

Let’s see if I can recap.

  • I cleaned the kitchen/bathroom cat box.
  • I ran the dishwasher. Did the dishes that can’t go in the dishwasher.
  • Cleaned bird cages.
  • Fed all the animals.
  • Gave the cockatoo a shower.
  • Scrubbed the tub.
  • Tried to unclog the drain. This became a laborious process.
  • Went grocery shopping.
  • Put the groceries away.
  • Folded laundry and put clothes away.
  • Vacuumed my bedroom.
  • Cleaned the roomba.
  • Stripped my bed.
  • Remade my bed.
  • Did a load of linens.
  • Hung the linens to dry.
  • Unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher.
  • Scrubbed the kitchen sink.
  • Gathered all of the newspapers for the birds.
  • Organized my tax paperwork (my last W2 came so now I’m stressing about doing my taxes).
  • Went to the pet store.
  • Fed all four cats.

A new Target run?

8 a.m. Originally my friend Nancy and I planned to go to the Grocery Outlet. Nancy is blind and likes to shop with me because of my love of food, how frugal I am and my eye for weird stuff.

I start looking at my list, and at my emails, and I realize for much of my list I can shop at Target. I worked at Target up until the middle of last year so I know Super Bowl weekend is a big grocery sale weekend. The things you learn working almost 9 years at the Bullseye.

It also looks like with the switch from Simply Balanced to Good and Gather, corporate strategy has moved into trendier products. Like vegan, Gluten free and other high-end groceries.

Our local Target is very middle of the road. I wonder how many of these products won’t be available because we aren’t a community high enough on the socio-economic scale.

10 a.m. Picking up Nancy. It’s always better to get in and out of Target before noon on weekends.

10:10 a.m. Arrive at Target and start to see old work friends. Wendy, my trainer from cash office, and Courtney, who used to supervise me in the front end, both meet Nan. And Nan almost shakes hands with a box instead of Courtney.

In their defense, Courtney was holding a box and a Frappuccino so she was too slow maneuvering.

We treated ourselves to a drink at Starbucks, made by my soon to be ex-husband’s niece, who is a dental hygienist on weekdays.

10:30 a.m. Shopping begins. I was hoping for some clearance hosiery, no luck. There were some beautiful clearance boots (and I am rapidly running out of shoes) but nothing under a size 11.

Run into several former colleagues who want to say hi and help Nan look for a can opener. There are five to choose from but we still can’t find the right one.

Run into a colleague from my current job.

Ran into the widower of one of my Target colleague whom I worked with very closely in food service. She died of cancer two years ago.

Discover my favorite deodorant is up to $8 and they changed the formula so my rose and vanilla is now rose and black pepper.

11 a.m. We finally hit the “Market” section, which is what Target calls grocery. There’s a lot of hit or miss. Avocados are an amazing value at 79 cents each, but the avocados themselves are lackluster. Most of the produce seems beyond it’s prime.

That’s a big problem with groceries at Target. Fresh produce isn’t culled regularly and the non perishables are often way out of date. I’ve found items on the shelves that the use by date is more than a year out of date. So you really have to check everything.

I know for a fact that the employees try, but the more Target increases wages, the more each employee needs to do. Retail survives by keeping employees at part-time hours so they don’t have to offer benefits and then they schedule at ridiculously low levels so it’s a challenge to keep the store properly manned. This isn’t just a Target problem. It’s the whole corporate/consumerism system.

People want cheap stuff with no concern for quality, its longevity, how it was produced, impact on the environment or the community, or whether or not they need it.

But that’s another tangent entirely.

I didn’t find many new products nor did I find some of the sale items I had wanted.

Noon Nan and I head to the front end.

I bought $100 in groceries and earned a $10 gift card, but I also didn’t appropriately load the $20 in gift cards I already had.

Highlights of my purchases:

  • The $7 giant tub of peanut butter pretzels. It was on sale and it’s the perfect pre-workout snack. Listen to me, I’m under some delusion that I will be going to the gym.
  • Doritos. The ultimate stress food. I shouldn’t even buy them but $2 a bag.
  • An $8 pork loin for $3. Expiring. But I can toss it in the crockpot for dinner tomorrow.
  • Turkey Perky jerky. On Target Circle for 30 percent off. Going in my desk drawer at work for those days where workload means lunch doesn’t happen until 2 or 3.
  • Waterloo sparkling water. $3 for eight cans. I got it as a treat. I wanted to try the watermelon flavor.
  • A giant bottle of white vinegar for $2.29. I use it instead of fabric softener. Cheaper, less chemical-y and less slimy that traditional fabric softener.
  • I got some canned carrots and peas. I don’t normally do canned veggies but if I want to make a shepherd or cottage pie, they will be perfect.
  • Cafe Mosaica and Traditional Medicinals Nighty Nite Valerian. My favorite coffee and my favorite pre-bedtime tea. Both on sale.
  • Smoked Paprika. $3.39 for the tiny spice bottle. Another splurge. But it’s amazing. It’s Gaz Oakley’s favorite spice and he has me hooked. If you haven’t looked up Avant Garde Vegan on YouTube, do it. His recipes are usually easy and delicious. Regardless of your dietary preferences.
  • Another splurge (which I ate for lunch): Birds Eye shaved Brussel sprouts. $3.19 a bag which is supposed to be two servings. But I sprinkled some imitation bacon bits on top and ate them for lunch with a side of Doritos.

  • Caulipower Pizza was on Target Circle for 20% off. They are normally $7 but with the discount and the sale price it was $5. Nan has wanted to try them so I will make it for her when she comes over for dinner Monday. I love them, but I’m not paying $7.
  • And ice cream. I promised the teenager malted milk shakes this weekend so I bought a pint of vanilla bean ice cream for $1.79. They have some very odd flavors in the full size containers, including my old favorite Unicorn and the new Mermaid. But I had to buy Rainbow because it has strawberry rhubarb swirl. And there is a Breakfast Cereal variety with, no lie, cinnamon toast flavored ice cream.

My soft heart

It’s almost 10 pm.

Sobaka has gone home, so I am alone in my bed.

I’ve had a long hard week month. But I know next month will be easier.

I closed Nala and the budgies alone in my room when I went to work, started Sesame Street to keep Nala company and made the decision not to come home for lunch because I can only stay 10 to 15 minutes and that might cause more confusion and anxiety than it prevents.

And Nala seemed fine when I got home but she may be missing a few more neck feathers. I adopted the bird version of a “cutter.”

The teenager had some friends over, and I agreed to drive one of them home. I retrieved Nala after work and introduced her.

But Sobaka got jealous, barked a lot and so when I tried to put Nala on the dishwasher, Nala bit me, hard. I flinched, that’s the best way I can describe it and Nala almost fell off me. We were both disoriented and I felt terrible for not alleviating Nala’s distress.

We had tea together as I did some kitchen chores and then I brought Nala up to the quiet bedroom, leaving the dog with the teenagers.

Harry Belafonte’s “Angelina”didn’t even brighten her mood and that’s her favorite song.

And then I played a trick on her. About 7 pm, I started watching Gordon Ramsay in my room in the dark hoping Nala would fall asleep before I needed to chauffeur the high school children.

At 7:30, I left the iPad playing and crept out of the room in the dark. Nala yelled for me, but I had to go. When I returned an hour later, she didn’t hear me come in the front door. I think she went to sleep!

As if my soft heart doesn’t have enough to deal with, YouTube has been suggesting I watch a video of a kitten name Smurf who was given to a dog as a chew toy. My daughter watched it, and assured me it had a happy ending but I couldn’t endure it.

It just makes me ask again and again why people are so selfish and cruel.

And I said to my beautiful daughter, “That’s why I don’t want to separate those kittens. They are siblings. They deserve to be together.”

She tells me again that the latest kitten (whom we call “Fog”) is terrified of her and that her friend will be the best home. That we can’t afford and don’t need four cats.

She’s right.

But they are cute babies and I want to be sure they have a good and happy life.

Pout.

Nails

I started getting manicures and pedicures about four years ago because I love having pretty nails, but I tend to be very sloppy doing them myself.

I had started working a little side gig helping my blind author friend with her typing and submission management.

That gave me just enough money for manis and pedis.

Being such a high energy person, just having an hour or two to sit and be pampered did wonders for my hardworking, child raising soul.

And I also realized my toenails were getting thicker. With my bad eyesight, it’s hard for me to trim them. Working retail 8-9 hours a day, that led to a lot of pain when my toenails rubbed against my shoes.

Normally my nails are nice, and long, and hearty. But the stress of life right now has them short and brittle.

So to help them recover, I’m getting acrylics. I have never had fake nails. I’ve always been vehemently opposed to them and a tad disgusted by them.

I’m sharing this new journey with you. This blog never stays the same.

It looks like the first step is to apply fake tips to extend length. The nail is prepped, the extension is trimmed and shaped. In my case, I like almond nails.

Then the acrylic is applied evenly across the nail.

Then the polishing can commence. Once the shape and thickness is perfected.

And my nail tech slimes up my nails with Neosporin because your hands take a beating.

So pretty!

I took another photo on the way to get pizza.

After my appointment, my nail tech and I grabbed a pizza and some wine.

Nala even danced to “Angelina” for her!

Oh Nala! Please don’t pluck!

I’m caring for the neighbor’s dog so I came home to let her out at lunch time.

Now yesterday, Nala started eating her perch again. So I rearranged her toys, made sure the dog wasn’t in her room, and turned on Hulu for her. Then, I went to work.

She plucked herself badly this morning and it breaks my heart.

She hasn’t plucked in more than a week, but she really did a number on herself today.

Nala helps around the house

When Nala, my Goffin’s cockatoo about to turn four, is a good bird, I let her sit on the dishwasher and drink herbal tea while I make supper.

Today I made her cinnamon tea. She kept taking the tea bag out, I kept putting it back in. I made myself a mug of lemon tea.

While I unloaded the dishwasher, she took her tea bag out of her mug. When I didn’t put in back, she picked it up and dropped it in my mug.

I put it back in her mug and moved my mug.

Then she jumped into the dishwasher!

Oh Nala!

For dinner, the teenager and I had tuna sandwiches. I mixed up the tuna with light ranch dressing, mayo, some seasonings and a heap of cooked spinach from which I had pressed out the water. I toasted some almost stale buns under the broiler, heated the tuna a bit too and served with avocado.

I also enjoyed a glass of wine that I almost couldn’t get the cork!

The third kitten

Somewhere around late summer/early fall, my teenager and I started trying to help trap a young cat living under my neighbor’s porch. It disappeared before we could catch it.

And then, around Thanksgiving, my neighbor discovered she had kittens under her porch. Mama and her three babies.

Mama and two of her babies started hunting in December. And one little kitten was left behind.

We trapped it the weekend after Christmas and that’s our Mistofelees.

About two weeks ago we trapped a second kitten, now off to a home.

Last night, the teenager got the last one and we reunited it with Misty.

Videos:

The final kitten

Letting the kitten out

Kittens getting closer

Kittens reuniting

Kittens playing