My Sudafed is wearing off. These last two weeks of severe allergies have been exhausting and maddening as I drown in phlegm. I took my Zytrec, my Flonase and Sudafed this morning.

I learned at 9:15 a.m. that in order to make my 11 a.m. social commitment at Dave & Buster’s, I would need to accompany Eva to two clients and sit in the car from 9:45 to 10:45.

One thing about me: I can be really flexible, but once plans are made, I don’t handle change well. I am slow to recalibrate my thinking in the face of change. I had already threatened to back out of the social engagement, but now it was too late, and I would be a jerk if I had said I was going to be there and then not show. There were a limited amount of tickets, and someone else could have gone if I decided not to.

I love Dave & Buster’s, but I don’t do well in social environments. So the promise of some of my favorite arcade games– including a version of Hungry Hungry Hippos where you sit on the hippos and have to shovel the balls in their mouths– forced me to go. And more often than not, I force myself to social engagements despite social anxiety because I want people to know that I would like to support them or spend time with them.

And sometimes it can be fun.

At this point, Eva looks at me, and somehow we get to the idea that I could use a dose of Adderall. “You’d be doing me a favor,” she said. “I haven’t taken mine in more than a week, and I shouldn’t take a whole one for my first dose.”

So we split it.

By the time we got to the arcade (and I got to pet some dogs on the way), I was calm and not antsy about things. Eva came along to play some games with me, and I noticed they had removed my Hungry Hungry Hippos. I played some games, had some food, and even asked one of the teenagers to play Mario Kart.

Now, here’s the interesting part:

I struggle playing video games. My heart races and I get really anxious as if the games had real stakes. I’m really uptight about it. And Eva doesn’t like to play with me, because I’m too competitive and I get grumpy when I don’t.

Today, I played Mario Kart and enjoyed it, without stress, carrying no physical angst of the competition. I didn’t care if I lost, and even more shocking, I felt nothing when I won.

I felt no different whether I won or lost, either way it was just good fun.

It’s almost 5 p.m. now and my blood pressure is 110/69.